I had an interesting question posed to me. Actually, it was posted and left for me in the chat room. “What does it feel like to know you are dying?”
My initial reaction is: “you tell me. It is a reality we are all facing just on a different time schedule.”
How does it feel to know you are dying? That is a hard question to answer. difficult because the answer will vary from day to day, hour to hour even minute to minute. As a overall general statement: IT SUCKS AND I DON’T LIKE IT AT ALL!!!!!
As I sit and think about it though, it has been a wonderful experience. Many will find that hard to believe but it is true. OK, the most wonderful part if I haven’t died. I have surprised the doctors a number of times when they had essentially given up hope for me to survive. For reasons only the Good Lord knows here I am. i move a little slower, have less energy but that is a small price to pay for still being here. It has seemed with each successive heart attack (5 of them) and after each heart surgery or procedure my will to live has increased. I do believe that to an extent sheer determination to live will keep us here. I think maybe after each of those events I was blessed to have my eyes open a little wider each time. Each time I was able to look at life or the life I had been living and could so easily see, I wasn’t really living. I was enduring or putting up with life. Struggling through each day just to get to the next so I could start that same process all over again.
So much of life happens in our heads. Now that sounds like a bit of a silly statement but if you think about it, it is true. The world is busy rushing on around us usually oblivious to us. We though no matter how you may deny it often see ourselves as the center of our own universe. In so many ways that is the way it should be. This is hard to explain. It becomes a problem if suddenly we see all the activity in the surrounding world being directed at us instead of flowing by us.
My mind seems to have wandered here. I started this post full of energy but haven’t been feeling well for the past couple of days and that energy seems to have run out. Will maybe post more on where my thoughts were going with this tomorrow.