Thinking is the one thing I do have a lot of time to do plus usually the energy to o it.
This whole death, dying, my own mortality are thoughts usually not too far from my mind. Especially, I suppose my own mortality, it sucks when my thinking heads in that direction. A terminal patient goes through what I think is their own form of grieving process. Grieving the pending loss of your own life, something we are all entitled to do. When I first heard those you are dying words I spent a lot of time grieving. I think it even monopolized my entire thinking process there for a while. I went through all of the phases of grief: denial, anger…… For reasons known only to the Good Lord, I have been given extra time on this earth. With this time I have been able to largely come to the point of acceptance.
Acceptance has brought me a lot of comfort and relief being able to let go of the negativity that came with the anger etc.. It was only then that I was more fully able to really life the live I have and I do have a wonderful life. There are many that I love with all of my heart and I know those feelings are returned. I am a very very lucky man, I know that and do so appreciate it. I think acceptance may be a misunderstood word by my definition at least. Accepting that you are going to die DOES NOT mean just throwing your hands in the air and saying, “Oh well, that is it. I am dying I might as well quite trying to live I give up”and then just curling up in a ball on your bed and wait for it to happen.
To me, if anything it means the exact opposite. To me by accepting my days are numbered it really opened my eyes to be able to appreciate how wonderful life is and knowing I really don’t want to lose all that I have in my life. I don’t know how many days I have left before me but during that time I am going to pack in as much living as I can.
There is that saying that goes something like; you don’t realize how good something is until you have lost it.” Think about that and your own life. Yeah, OK you life may be filled with seemingly countless problems or issues. Try to put your life in prospective and look at the over all big picture. In the big picture of life, is that big problem/issue that has you so worked up really anything more than a temporary annoyance. Life is in the attitude, clear that negativity and suddenly does the world ever look bright.
Please don’t wait until you are facing your own passing before being able to see, realize and appreciate your life.