Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Depression

I really do work at maintaining a positive attitude. That attitude has helped me through so much. It seems for about the past year maybe year and a half I have struggled more and more with it. I am not sure when it happened but somewhere along the line I seem to have even stopped working at it. I hadn’t even realized it but did notice I was feeling down more and more.

I saw my doctor last week and talked to him about it. His description of the symptoms of depression seem to pretty much fit me at this time. He has prescribed an anti-depressant.It may take a while  for it to kick in. I will keep working on it myself. I have a lot of faith in the medications prescribed by the doctors. Those medications have kept me alive. I know this will work with a little time.

9 Responses to Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Depression

  1. souldipper says:

    Be easy with yourself, Bill. I hope time will be a friend and bring you smoothly through to the place you want to be.

    I’m wrapping you in golden light.

  2. Jennie says:

    I know that you work hard at keeping a positive attitude Bill, so it must be frustrating for you to find yourself so down right now. It is understandable, given all the physical challenges you have. I know you know all that you have to be grateful for. It’s okay to acknowledge the parts of life that suck too. The glass is half empty and half full.

    Anti-depressants have really helped me and I hope they will help you too. I hope spring will come to Winnipeg soon and help cheer you up. Hang in there my friend!

  3. BC says:

    Hi Bill

    I’m sorry to hear you are struggling but the thing is, you never stop fighting. I am sure that the mental attitude of the person suffering with it plays a massive part in combatting depression so yours is bound to help you. However, a couple of my friends have suffered with it and they both said the same thing: That recovery is a lengthy process and you do not always notice it’s happening. The trick is to keep checking how far you’ve come rather than looking at how far you have to go before you get it licked…. I hope that makes sense… Good luck and god bless.


  4. Hi Bill, can you keep us in touch with how this goes for you? I feel the same that you describe, and am unsure what to do about it…my doctor will prescribe anything to help, but we haven’t discussed it much yet. Bill, I want to thank you for being here for me and my husband. You have given so much to us – I can’t tell you…thank you! Keep smiling and let us know (if you can) what kind of anti-depressent you are taking and if it’s helping you. Much love, Patti

  5. Betty says:

    Hi Bill, I am so sorry you are dealing with what is probably depression. I don’t want to make this note about me, but I have to tell you this is very common with matters of the heart, and I am sure other serious medical problems. In December of 1999 I had major heart surgery at the age of 48. The surgery was complicated and consideration was even given that I have this done out of province or possibly in the U.S. However, I trusted my surgeon and convinced them that this be done here. The surgery went well and I was given a second chance at life. However, several weeks into recovery something was changing….I had begun to have anxiety issues & was very down. I would wake up crying, go to bed crying. Everything set me off. I fought with this for several months and only my poor loving husband knew. Infront of everyone else I was all smiles, and upbeat. Nobody knew the person I was had somehow vanished and I didn’t know how to find her. My husband finally said you have to tell your doctor….I did and it was the best thing ever. As soon has I began to speak the tears flowed and then she said something to me I will never forget “you are grieving for the loss of the health you once had”, so true. I was prescribed anti-depressants, which took a little time to put me back in a place much more inviting, but they worked. I am still on them and also on a little something I can take only when anxiety decides to pay a visit. The main thing I learned to talk about what was bothering me with people I knew would understand how I felt. Yes, medication will help Bill, but talk about it, don’t let it build inside as it is not good for the heart.
    Do not give up if the medication doesn’t seem to be helping, as it takes a bit of time, may not be the right dosage, or maybe a change in medication may be required. Professional support is now available to individuals participating in heart rehab…I wish it was there when I needed it most. Lucky for me I have a wonderful doctor. I know this wound up being about me, but I hope you can find something in my rambling that will help you. I am always an email away if you need to chat. I am doing fine and continue to deal with lifes ups and downs with strength and very few tears. Things will get better Bill, I promise.

  6. Just sending thoughts and good wishes for clearer skies for you…

  7. Mel says:

    ((((((((( Bill )))))))))))))

    ((((((((((( Betty ))))))))))))))

    Bless you both for just saying what’s true.

    I’d agree with Betty–you’ve been through a lot in the past year, had more realities to deal with and yes, no doubt there’s grieving of the health that’s been forever lost.

    You’ve worked hard to maintain that attitude of gratitude and to stay positive–but you’ve had a tough go and it’s not gotten any easier for you. You have loving people surrounding you, but you’ve still lost some vital things. And grieving gets to happen.

    There’s absolutely no shame in being where you are. I really think you did right by yourself by talking to the physician and letting them extend the help as they did.
    Betty’s right–give it time and hopefully things will improve, not just via medication, but by continuing to say what’s true for you.
    Having tough moments is a part of this process, Bill. You’ve had to wrap your head around some very tough things. And you’ve extended yourself to a whole lot of people with good purpose. But you’ve also lost some of those people, which is another source of grief.

    We all get to do it, no matter how much ‘think positive’ or keep an ‘attitude of gratitude’ happens. Loss is loss and we get to walk through that, one way or another.

    Just sayin’.
    I like what Betty shared–I love her for it cuz it’s true and from the heart. You’re not alone in this either…..yaknow?

    ((((((((((((((((( Bill )))))))))))))))))))

  8. Irene says:

    Dear Bill,
    Hi!! It’s been quite a while since I stopped by but I’m back again!! I’ve been teaching…just for a month or so though. As much as I really love those students, it feels really good to have at least some of my life back. That job can really swallow you up!!!
    Anyways, I’m sorry to hear that you’re in the dumps. But fear not!! With the help of some meds (a smart thing to do) and those of us here on the blog, we’ll carry you until you can manage on your own again. (See poem called Footprints) And don’t worry: You’re not heavy–remember the song???
    Thinking of you often… praying for you always, Wiseman.

  9. Cat says:

    Bill, I hope you will start feeling more like yourself again soon. I’m sending you some good thoughts and hope this will be just a little bump in the road for you.

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