Dying Man’s Daily Journal – How I deal with loss


Often what I write on the blog are words I need to hear/read myself. I consider myself to have a strong belief system in place which is such a tremendous support for me. Yet there are times when I struggle. It seems for me that writing out these thoughts/beliefs it helps to re=enforce them in my mind.

I know I have shared these in the past but it is something I need to focus on right now.

I believe in God, an afterlife, Angels all of that, I have no doubt about it. I am not sure how to describe it but faith is based on almost mystical magical ideas. My mind believes but doesn’t understand. I take comfort if i can come up with a more human, physical comparable. Be that right or wrong it is what works for me. This is the thought process or idea that helped me deal with the loss of my mother. This is my earthly physical comparable.

My mother had a very bad heart and severe arthritis in her spine causing her a lot of pain. Yes she had pain medications but they caused such side affects she prefered not to take them and she suffered. Her quality of life was not good.

I loved my mother dearly but as terrible as this may sound, there was an element of relief when she passed. With my belief in the after life, I had no question what so ever in my mind as to where she had gone. I miss her a lot. As I had no doubt she was with God and His Angels, I can to realize what I was grieving was my own loss. The loss of no longer having her in my life. She was gone and my life was changed for ever. I knew she was in a better place but I was left behind to carry on with out her

This is the physical, human comparable I came up with. I tried to imagine that through a lottery or what ever, my mother had won a trip on a cruise ship. On this cruise ship she would be treated like royalty, she would want for nothing, be happier than she had ever been and PAIN FREE. It would be spectacular for her. Now the issue for me would be that this particular cruise would take her away from me for say 2 years. I wouldn’t see her or even hear from her. Now I could be comforted knowing she was living a wonderful pain free life but I would still miss her. Now I know this is a bit of a stretch but given that situation wouldn’t we, shouldn’t we be happy our loved one is on such a cruise.Wouldn’t it be rather selfish on our part if we tried to stop  them from going, trying to deny them these wonders just because we would miss them and be lonely.

My mother has been gone now for more than 20 years. Now when you just say 20 years, that can sound like a very long time. Then I just think, how long is eternity? Now that is a long time. Thinking that way just sort of makes that 20 years seem like a blink of the eye. I said we should be happy our loved one is on that cruise, well I can’t say I am happy but at peace

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4 Responses to Dying Man’s Daily Journal – How I deal with loss

  1. Deric Glissmeyer says:

    I like your analogy Bill! My analogy for eternity is one I heard when I was young(er)… Take a look at one of those Really BIG Ropes that hold an ocean liner in place, and wrap one thread around the middle of it. The thread is our existence in This Life, the Really BIG Rope before it and after it is Eternity! 🙂 It is in that Eternity that we will experience Peace and Joy beyond description and continue enjoying our life, friends and the good we have learned.

    “Men are, that they might have Joy.” 2 Nephi 2:25

    I think of the kind of joy that we had as kids, playing in the rain, jumping in puddles until you were as wet as the water! Why do we call adults “crazy” that would do that now?

    Hi Deric, I really like your anology also. That big rope is like the fabric of time extending endless both before us and after us. Considering that our time here is pretty insignificant. You are so right about the kids, they live life to enjoy it. Some how as we grow we allow our lives to evolve as they should as we mature. Yet, somehow by doing that we are depriving ourselves of the simple pleasures. If it wasn’t so cold here right now, I would go and jump in a puddle, who care what the neighbors or others may think

  2. I loved this and I know exactly what you mean about affirming things by writing them… I think we sometimes all spell out the world we want to live in through our words..
    Right on

  3. Mel says:

    It’s a good analogy. You and I have some similar beliefs.

    Intellectually, I know these things.
    Now emotionally………I still struggle and try to ‘reason’ that struggle away. I’m not always so keen on ‘feeling my feelings’. I’d prefer to apply the intellect and move on. I don’t particularly like grief and sadness and ‘feeling’ that hollow bit in my heart.

    That’s the tough bit for me.
    I can intellectualize and reason it out but the bottom line is I still miss the person that’s no longer in my life. I still get to deal with that empty place at the table, that role no one else will fill, that relationship that won’t be duplicated ever. It’s forever gone.
    Done.

    Tough stuff to let yourself ‘feel’. There’s only acceptance of what is, which can be a tough thing to wrap your head around some times. At least it is for me.

    *chuckling* You can know what ya know and you’re still gonna get to feel whatcha get to feel.
    Ain’t comfy–but it apparently it’s required at some level.
    Maybe that’s why we need to let people walk through that jazz with us, huh?

    Hmmmmmm…..

    Ahh Mel, our thoughts and feelings seem so often to be in sync. Check your family tree, we must be related way back there somewhere.

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