Dying Man’s Daily Journal – The New Year


It is the New Year, I hope everyone  through out this entire year is: healthy, happy, wealthy and wise.

I imagine there are a lot of people out there feeling sick, getting sober and feeling sorry for maybe having over done the celebrating last night. Believe me, there was a day when I would have been one of them. Party hardy until the wee hours was the way I did it back then. Have things ever changed. We went out for supper came home, watched a little TV, Vi was asleep by about 10:30. I out lasted here and hung in the until about 11:00. Some how the New Year managed to bring itself into being without us celebrating, because here we are.

I think we celebrate the end of one calendar year and the beginning of a new calendar year maybe seeing it as a new beginning a fresh start. I imagine many hope this “fresh start” will bring about changes in our lives maybe even improvements in our lives. I guess that is a good thing, for any new start we need a point to begin from. This is where all the resolutions come into play. Now I can only speak for myself but it seems if I set myself a specific date at which time I am going to make life altering changes, I seem to be setting myself up for failure. Now I know I have the will power of a marshmallow. I know there are people that can make these kind of changes and I tip my hat to them.

Do I make resolutions for myself though? I suppose I do. My big resolution is to LIVE through this year. Now by that I do mean physically surviving but far more than that. I want to LIVE my time not endure it. That I realize is totally up to me. God will decide how much time I have here, but I am the one that must decide how I am going to live/spend that time. I am just sitting here sort of in awe or surprised, don’t really know how to describe it. I think back, when I was first diagnosed with heart failure,I didn’t know what it was. Just the name alone, heart failure scared me. I didn’t know what it was or meant. That first doctor telling me that was the one and only that has ever given me any sort of prognosis or guestimate as to how long I had left. ….”now way to tell, it could be 3 days, 3 weeks, 3months, a year, maybe a year and a half or even 2 if your are lucky. Well guess what here we are and it is 7 or 8 years later and I am still going. OK, maybe not as strongly but I am still going. Geesh, I really am memory guy, I have my wonkie head going on and for the life of me I can’t figure out if it is 7 or 8 years. I guess that doesn’t matter, what does matter to me anyway is I AM STILL HERE!!!!!

2011 like any year had a few issues. Those I eagerly accept into my life as a part of living and living beats the alternative.

My blogging year was a wonderful year. I have come to realize more and more that for now anyway, this may be my purpose in life. At least by that I mean it gives me a reason to drag this lazy butt of mine out of bed in the mornings. Here I have met so many amazing people. Having this blog, having the people here in my life has changed me and I am so very grateful. I thank all for the many prayers said for me, my family and so many others that have visited the site.

Having a site like this is not always easy. There is a saying something to the effect: “no one ever said life would always be easy, just that it will be so worth it. That describes my experience here. I think back to just a couple of weeks ago and the passing of dear internet friend Meg. Emotions kind of got a hold of me there for a minute but I am back. Meg knew her time on this earth was short and I feel honored that she would choose to spend some of that time with me via email or even once on skype. I learned so much from her and am grateful for the time she did share with me.

Over the time of the blog I have had different people honor me by sharing some of their precious last moments with me. I have been touched by each. It is not always easy as while spending this time it does often bring into focus my own mortality.I do struggle and then move on finding I am a better and stronger person for the experience.

A thought just came to mind. Now I can’t remember if it was an email or a comment here, I was asked” “how do you know what to say to “these” people? “These” people meaning those with terminal illnesses. Well the answer to that is easy, I don’t. I have pointed out many times I am not a doctor, not a man of the clergy I am just me a regular guy and do my best. Do your best is really all anyone can do.

Wow, I really got off on a ramble here. I have often said I am not a writer but a rambler.I am finding it more and more difficult to “organize” my thoughts. I just say a little prayer asking for guidance in finding the words that may help someone, anyone. I then just sit and go with the flow. This is where it has taken us today.

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6 Responses to Dying Man’s Daily Journal – The New Year

  1. Eryn Wong says:

    Happy New Year!!!!

    Hi Eryn, welcome and the same good wishes right back to you.

  2. rangewriter says:

    I admire your courage in staring death in the face and saying,” I’m not ready yet. You can’t have me.” And I’m so glad that you so generously share with the rest of us, what it is like to be doing that. You are a teacher for anyone who reads your blog. We must all face death…most of us just don’t know how soon. Hopefully we can learn to be as gracious and clear-headed about it as you are.
    Happy 8th or is it 9th (?) year!

    Thank you for the so kind comments. You can’t imagine how much I have benefitted from this sharing, I thank all of you.
    Bill

  3. BC says:

    Amen to that and Happy New Year. Living is the point of life but so many people seem to spend their time existing and miss it!

    Cheers

    BC

    Hi BC, it is so nice to hear from you. You are so right on saying so many miss out on life, so sad. Hey look at you girl with your writing. I remeber reading one of your short stories on line quite a while ago and enjoyed it. Good luck my friend.
    Bill

  4. souldipper says:

    Since the key is to be a listener for anyone facing a challenge, it takes time to write as a listener rather than a “teller”.

    I often fail and blather too much. I’m working on it, Bill! 🙂

    Hey there, this is one of the many life lessons I still struggle with. Listening by itself can be such a support to others in their time of need. Plus I always learn more when my ears are open and not my mouth.

  5. Deric Glissmeyer says:

    AMEN! to your outliving the doctor’s death sentence by FIVE+ years and INDEED “this may be my purpose in life.” I have learned SO MUCH in just the year or so that I’ve read your blog Bill, especially with you and Meg sharing each other’s thoughts/feelings. It hit me hard when she passed with a new resolve to help those that are lonely. We ALL need a friend and a daily/weekly Hug!

    Hi Deric. I am with you in saying a big AMEN. I am glad you are enjoying the blog, hearing this makes it all worth while.
    Bill

  6. Mel says:

    Pray, breathe, put the fingers to the keyboard and just let it happen……

    That’s a piece of what I love about ya, sir. You just say it as it comes and you try to get out of your own way as you say it.
    I’ve been working on that one for years–and I’ll continue to work on it. LOL I can get all wrapped up in trying to manage the package the message comes in. I’m guessing that’s about me getting in there murking up stuff. I still struggle with just letting things LOOK how they really are.

    And no–I’m not making some resolution to change that. LOL I know it’s a surrender on my part, and that’ll happen when it happens. 😉

    I think I know how it is you come to mean so much to so many–see above. What you’ve allowed yourself to do and be for others, you seem to do and be–effortlessly.
    I think that’s my fear, frankly. It’s not my weaknesses that I fear, those I’m aware of and deal in on a regular basis. It’s my own greatness that I know I’ve not reached yet. I’d point my finger at you and say ‘see what happens when you let that blossom’, but gosh–SEE what happens?!
    Stupid fears……they’re good for hot flames and edges of canyons. Notsomuch when it comes to just letting yourself BE all that you truly are.

    ((((((((((( Bill )))))))))))

    *laughing* Probably only made sense to me, sir. But there you have it–or better yet…..there *I* have it.
    Now, what I DO with that….. Yeah—as you so lovingly shared–entirely up to me.

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