A few posts ago I wrote of the loneliness that comes with knowing you are dying. This is in no way intended as a slight to the wonderful, loving and supportive care givers in this world. It is just a fact that ultimately this is a journey that we know ultimately from a worldly prospective we will face alone.
Over the time of this blog I have been truly blessed to have met so many wonderful people. I am a blessed man, I am a lucky man.This may be hard for many to understand but in the world of the living dying, you can develop a special bond or kinship with another in your situation.
I have written a little about our blogging friend Meg. It is for her that I am asking for the prayers please. Meg has been fighting cancer for some time. It is a losing battle and is nearing its end, stage 4. Meg is alone in this time of need and when I say alone I do mean alone. In private email messages from Meg she has helped me tremendously. She has a great wisdom about her. I will be sharing much of that wisdom in posts to come. Meg has given me permission to post any of her messages. I am doing exactly that. This is the message I receive this morning.
Hi bill
Please don’t worry about me, save your precious energy for those around you.
I have decided to withdraw from all future treatment and tests and accept the path nature has chosen from me. I believe our last breath does not come with the death of our physical body but rather our last breath is the one we take when we are still the person we have experienced ourself as, the person we lived as, not the person we have become through illness. My last breath came along time ago. While my physical pain is well managed it is my existential pain, the pain of loneliness and meaninglessness, that is crushing me. I can only hope that without continued medication and tests that my last physical breath will come peacefully and release me from the existential agony of my life. I wonder often where I went wrong in life but realise that illness scares people who are consumed with the activity of living. My heart aches with sadness. I am living the existential pain of death and I no longer want to. I’m simply not strong or brave enough to fight.
I want to thank you for everything my friend. I suspect you are a kindred spirit and one I have been honoured to know. Pray for a quick end for me my friend. my energy will likely suffer but I will try to follow your blog and reply to your e-mails.
much love
Meg has no family what so ever. She is totally alone in this last battle. I ask please for prayers and an out pouring of loving support.
Bill, my prayers are with Meg. I will share with others, in hopes they send their prayers, too. May Meg find comfort in knowing others have her in their thoughts.
Hi Lenore, I thank you. Please share others, I think the more loving support we can provide will be appreciated. I am sure Meg will be reading all
Bill
It is the heart that hurts worse than the body pain sometimes (in fact, most of the time…Meg – you are in my thoughts and love). How we get through the psychological, spiritual, and emotional pain is often so difficult that you wonder if you really can. Dying is a process of aloneness, and it’s most difficult. I’m dying with my husband (same poisoning), and at times I feel lucky – strange, huh?). Meg, take care care, breath deeply and know you are in our hearts!
My day is dedicated to Meg. I’m asking to have Loving energy wash over her each time she comes to mind.
When we are told of one of our gestures meaning a great deal to another, it’s even more powerful when it’s a gesture not even remembered. The glory is that we have given beyond our comprehension.
Today, a spiritual message addressed how to lovingly accept the giving inherent in receiving. Contrary to the reminder to give, give, give, most of us are reluctant receivers.
Meg, I pray that you are openly receiving. I ask that God’s full and complete blessing be upon you in all ways. While it is my prayer, I know it is already answered. So why do I ask? For you and me to remember.
Be with Love, Meg. It is the freedom we all seek. It is the deep longing that wants to be fulfilled.
Bill thank you for sharing…..and Meg for allowing your message to be shared. Meg we are all God’s children so you are not alone. I feel a real closeness to you as emotionally I hold you close to my heart dear sister. My thoughts and prayers are with you. As difficult as it may be, please try and feel at peace knowing so many people do care.
My heart breaks for Meg’s isolation. I don’t know if her journey would be easier with another person there to hold her hand, to watch over her as her body prepares to part from her soul. I’ve not been where she is (obviously) nor have any of the rest of us. All we can do is wonder and hope and send her feelings of compassion and love… and hope that somehow those feelings are transmitted over the vast distance between us to give her strength and courage.
Dear Bill and Meg – you are opening doors you will never know you have reached .. these posts are so helpful, so wonderful, so uplifting .. with much love and many thoughts – Meg .. my heart will be with you – blessings and peace to you both .. Hilary
Meg, we are all with you. Even if we are not physically present, we are spiritually present with you, and that is what matters. God bless you. Thank you for allowing Bill to post your message. We love you.
I am a 61 year old male. At the age of 52 I was told by my doctor I am dying. For the past 4 years, I have done my best to deal with both congestive heart failure and a brain tumor, while knowing my days are indeed numbered. It is my hope that by sharing my experiences, I can encourage others faced with the same situation. I hope to also help the families of those individuals to have an understanding of the process and deal with the fear or dread of being around the dying.
I am not a doctor, not a man of the clergy, I am not a therapist. I am just me, Bill Howdle, I am merely sharing my thoughts and ideas. I write of death and dying, understand this is my personal prospective, based on what I am encountering.
Dying mans daily journal 
Bill, my prayers are with Meg. I will share with others, in hopes they send their prayers, too. May Meg find comfort in knowing others have her in their thoughts.
Hi Lenore, I thank you. Please share others, I think the more loving support we can provide will be appreciated. I am sure Meg will be reading all
Bill
Wow. Just wow. My heart hurts.
It is the heart that hurts worse than the body pain sometimes (in fact, most of the time…Meg – you are in my thoughts and love). How we get through the psychological, spiritual, and emotional pain is often so difficult that you wonder if you really can. Dying is a process of aloneness, and it’s most difficult. I’m dying with my husband (same poisoning), and at times I feel lucky – strange, huh?). Meg, take care care, breath deeply and know you are in our hearts!
My day is dedicated to Meg. I’m asking to have Loving energy wash over her each time she comes to mind.
When we are told of one of our gestures meaning a great deal to another, it’s even more powerful when it’s a gesture not even remembered. The glory is that we have given beyond our comprehension.
Today, a spiritual message addressed how to lovingly accept the giving inherent in receiving. Contrary to the reminder to give, give, give, most of us are reluctant receivers.
Meg, I pray that you are openly receiving. I ask that God’s full and complete blessing be upon you in all ways. While it is my prayer, I know it is already answered. So why do I ask? For you and me to remember.
Be with Love, Meg. It is the freedom we all seek. It is the deep longing that wants to be fulfilled.
Bill thank you for sharing…..and Meg for allowing your message to be shared. Meg we are all God’s children so you are not alone. I feel a real closeness to you as emotionally I hold you close to my heart dear sister. My thoughts and prayers are with you. As difficult as it may be, please try and feel at peace knowing so many people do care.
My heart breaks for Meg’s isolation. I don’t know if her journey would be easier with another person there to hold her hand, to watch over her as her body prepares to part from her soul. I’ve not been where she is (obviously) nor have any of the rest of us. All we can do is wonder and hope and send her feelings of compassion and love… and hope that somehow those feelings are transmitted over the vast distance between us to give her strength and courage.
I’ll hold her in my heart and wish it could be my arms.
Dear Bill and Meg – you are opening doors you will never know you have reached .. these posts are so helpful, so wonderful, so uplifting .. with much love and many thoughts – Meg .. my heart will be with you – blessings and peace to you both .. Hilary
Meg, we are all with you. Even if we are not physically present, we are spiritually present with you, and that is what matters. God bless you. Thank you for allowing Bill to post your message. We love you.