I heard something one time that went something like this: “sometimes one of the loneliest places in the world can be when you are in a room full of people.” If we think about that I think we can all understand that at least to some extent. Imagine you are invited to attend a huge party or celebration of some sort, hundreds of people will be there and if for some reason you have to go alone. suppose you know no one at the party, how are you likely to feel? At times shere numbers can be over whelming. Others may go out of their way to try to welcome you. You may realize all the others there are close friends with whom you have nothing in common. It can be a lonely place to be you can feel the odd man out. Having something in common is at least a good starting point in being able to strike up a conversation. having something in common will allow that conversation with someone that has some knowledge or understanding of of the subject you are discussing.
What if you are dying? Who can you talk to then? Now, I do not mean in any way for this to slight or insult all the wonderful loving care givers out there. What you are doing is fantastic, please keep it up. Your help and support means more than you will ever know.
It is just if you are dying, that thought can play a prominent role in your mind. Some times you just need to talk about it. All those around you may be the most wonderful,loving caring people you can imagine. All trying to be as loving and as supportive as possible and yes I am sure you can talk to them. It is just no matter how hard they try they can’t truly empathize which what you are going through. When it comes right down to it, what you are going through is a private, individual journey of life. But, if you can talk to another person in your situation, they will at least have a better understanding and be able to relate to some of those thoughts and feelings that can haunt us.
I know that feeling of loneliness very well. I am so very blessed to have the blog here. I can express my thoughts and feelings and have received the loving support of so many. I will be eternally grateful
I have recently put up a couple of posts about a lady I have been conversing with. Yes again, this is the lady with the hot air balloon ride and the cooking lessons. Her name is Meg and after some coaxing and encouraging she had joined us here on the blog.
She speaks so well of the loneliness of dying in a comment yesterday. Now I do know for a fact many don’t always read the comments left and that is such a shame. In those comments is so much more than I can ever offer. Because of this I am posting Meg’s comment as part of todays post.
“November 24, 2011 at 3:06 pm (Edit)
I am the woman who has been in contact with Bill for the last eight months. I have been humbled by his generosity of spirit and time since I first came across his blog and I see that same generosity reflected in the comments left by those who visit his blog.
i wonder how many people who still inhabit the world of the living, rather than the living-dying, can truly appreciate what Bill and his blog has given to those of us in the last stages of our life. I doubt it – try mentioning death in casual conversation and then sit back and watch the ensuing fidgeting and discommfort and unease. I think the dying process is one of the best kept secrets we have in our world. It saddens me for at a time when connections and relationships are so important it sometimes feels we suffer a ‘social’ death long before our biological bodies draw their last breath.
I have spent my professional career working with people who are dying and my own biggest fear was never death itself but dying alone, not just physically alone but emotionally alone if people in my life were unable to accompany me into the void if their own fear of death overwhelmed them. I have no family and when my husband died I threw myself into my work as it was the only part of me I felt safe in. Now I find myself facing my own certain death and although I am physically alone, Bill and his blog had brought me a comfort that mere words on a page could never convey.
Sharing my dying process and engaging with Bill in his dying process has given me a sense that I matter and I will be missed, personally.
I am so grateful for the kindness and warmth that saturates the comments left in response to Bill posting my e-mail and will treasure each as a precious memory that will give me a longed for buffer during the journey that lays ahead. Who knows, perhaps I can develop some friendships here amongst like minded people who ‘get’ this whole dying thing from the inside.
with love to all who share Bill’s blog and bask in his kindness, openness and warmth – truly one of the worlds ‘good eggs’