Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Just rambling

Up really early this morning 4:00am. With my sleep apnea on occasion I wake up choking, unable to breathe. Now this has happened enough times that I know all I have to do is sit up and breathing is back. It just seems that no matter how many times it happens though, the adrenaline is pumping or something and I am wide awake. Will go for my nap later.

Saw my family doctor yesterday, I just needed some paper work for the insurance company through which I am paid my disability benefits. I am just sitting here thinking and realize I really should give credit where it is due. My disability pension is through Manual Life and they really have been wonderful. That monthly disability cheque keeps rolling in it is what financially keeps us going. It certainly takes away a lot of stress just knowing it is there.

Yesterday I started a post about how winter was finally upon us. We have a couple of inches of snow but then I hear the forecast is for temperatures around +4 or 5 for the next couple of days. What little snow we have will very likely disappear. Now this is almost un-heard of for Manitoba, coming up to the end of November and no snow and temperatures on the plus side of zero. Global warming of what ever I don’t know but I am loving it.

Pushing as hard as “I” can trying to get the couple of reno’s or remodel done to the house. These are things Vi would like done and will undoubtedly add to the resale value of the house. Feeling like a sense of urgency to get it done quickly. Had the exterior door of the house replaced yesterday the new one in the front has more glass and looks very nice. For me i am starting work in the laundry room. In there the work that would likely take anyone else a weekend will take me a good couple of months for sure but then I do work at “Bill” speed.

My mind keep rolling back to one section of that form the doctor filled out for me. I think it asked for overall condition or something, he just put deteriorating.


8 Responses to Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Just rambling

  1. Blessings to you and your family from Wisconsin.

  2. Lenore Diane says:

    Oh Bill…. what a thing to see on your paperwork, eh?
    Good for you to keep going and keep going. Houses deteriorate, too – and we work to repair and restore. As you work to repair and restore your house – may you find you are also become restored.
    Blessings to you, Bill.

  3. Hilary says:

    Hi Bill … sounds like you both have your heads screwed on .. and we’re all deteriorating I know at different rates – all the very best for a beautiful Thanksgiving together .. with many thoughts – Hilary

  4. souldipper says:

    A spiritual teacher tells us that whenever he goes to a doctor (he travels all over the world so sees different ones all the time), he says to the Doc: “Please remember that I am first a human. I am not a body, a test result or a condition. I am a person first.”

    He says that some Docs just look at him, but most seem to give pause and due consideration.

    Those darned forms make it difficult for Docs to do that.

    Sorry you had to have it put in front of you again, Bill!

  5. Jennie says:

    Hope you have a good nap Bill. I would imagine that waking up choking would get the adrenaline pumping. At least you put that energy to good use. 🙂

    Deteriorating eh? That wouldn’t feel very good to read, but maybe it is the best response to keep those disability checks rolling in. Docs aren’t always right ya know. If they were, you wouldn’t still be here blogging for us.

    Enjoy your heat wave.

    much love and respect,


    PS: I’m already thinking ahead about ideas for your birthday present. I’m assuming you want the usual?

  6. Mel says:

    ((((((( Bill )))))))) I do not think I’d like waking up to that sensation….

    I’m of a split mind on that choice of wording the doc used. I understand the paperwork and I really like what souldipper shared. I also know me. I get complacent and cocky and start to take things for granted. Reality takes a backseat, I lose focus of what’s true..and then my decision making alters.

    It’s like those checkups and check-ins that I get to do–I get reminded that this is just a reprieve.
    There’s no part of me that likes to hear that. I know reprieves end and in my circumstances, I know what that means.
    WPIML asks me to always, ALWAYS remember that I have a ‘daily reprieve’.
    Notsomuch……I wander from truth and I miss opportunities–pass ’em by cuz I have time dontchaknow. Tomorrow might work better for me, dontchaknow…… *sigh*

    There’s nothing pretty about the realities some of us get to live in–but they’re the realities. I’m okay (not comfy…..but ‘okay’) with being reminded cuz I wander from truth too easily.
    I like to think it’s about G-d’s making arrangements to help keep me centered.
    LOL Works for me–mostly cuz it makes that bitter pill a bit easier to swallow.

  7. What a wonderful comment from Souldipper…

  8. rangewriter says:

    Ugh. Deteriorating? Did you remind the doc that we are ALL in the process of deteriorating? Some are just a little farther along.

    The apnea…awful. I thought you had a CPAP? Doesn’t that take care of the problem? It sure made a difference when my bf got one and got everything adjusted properly so he can sleep comfortably with it. Makes sleeping beside him a lot more restful too! I used to wake up and hear him not breathing. I’d lie there wondering just how long I should wait before jabbing him in the ribs…

    Have a nice nap.

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