Yesterday was an unusual day with the blog. Now my last post I started while at my cousin Sherry’s home in Alberta. I saved what I had written while there and then finished and published the post when I got back home here in Winnipeg. Now apparently I must not have signed off while on her computer or something as now when she signs into the blog, the blog seems to think it is still me out there and here comments are posted as if coming from me. We spent some time on the phone while together on the blog. She was sending little test messages after little thing we did It still wasn’t straightened out the last I spoke to her. So welcome on board Sherry feel free to put up some actual posts if you wish. I am sure many would lover to hear from you.
I had planned on writing more today about the wonders of our vacation, but am just not feeling so spry. Went to the hospital yesterday just to check out the pretty nurses and I am sure it is because they liked my so much they decided to keep me there over night. Yesterday morning twice I had some chest pain but my littler bottle of nitro spray quickly dealt with that. come early evening though it came back. This time the spray only lessened it and it soon returned stronger than it had been before.After my 4th use of the spray, Vi grabbed me by the ear and off we went. Thankfully it was not a heart attack. Doctor feels it is a combination of events and happenings all coming together at the same (wrong) time. Over doing it on the vacation, being a little negligent about taking my water pills and this heat wave. I am to just take it easy for 3 or 4 days, take much larger than my normal amount of “pee” pills and I will be fine. So no need to worry. My head is all wonkie with a sort of drugged up hang over type feeling from everything they gave me.
I will try posting more later or start responding to the wonderful comments left for me.
Dying mans daily journal 
That explains the comment in email format on your last post…wonder how on earth the wires got so crossed. Hope you are able to get some rest and a return of energy, Bill. I’ve got you in spiritual radar!
Glad you are back from vacation. Looking forward to reading more from you. God bless.
Bill,
Sorry your homecoming resulted in a trip to the hospital. Glad Vi took you by the ear and all is okay. Now remember, by the third spray of nitro you should be heading to the ER.
Take care!
I am sitting here at the computer, listening to ‘Impossible’, a song my son put on and is playing over and over redudunatly. I’ve had a few drink (which is more a rarity than something usual for me). I just got through reading a booklet on “Learning How To Let Go….Signs and Symptoms of the Dying Process”.
My mom died earlier this year – January 4th. She was 85 years old and was on her 3rd brain tumor. I am the only child, and so was she – so, everything fell on my shoulders. I went through alot during the 15 months of end stage brain cancer she went through. That sound like I’m thinking of just myself. No, I’m not. She went through alot, too, on and off. A lot of the time she was peaceful. Most of the time, actually.
I have been struggling for a long time about death. Now that I’m 56 years old and it is much closer, I’m thinking about it more. I really do believe that it’ll be like going back home. ….that we’ve been here sort of like on a ‘vacation’. It’s a scarey thought, too….the unknown. But, you know how good it feels when you’ve been on vacation?…and you’re kind of done….and you just sort of long to get back home…? Well, I think that’s how it is maybe.
We were there before.
I wish I would have done more to make my mom more comfortable. I did ALOT! But, in retrospect, I think I probably did more to comfort myself than maybe her. I tried to hang on too long. She probably could’ve gone sooner, preventing her from extra discomfort. I’m sorry, mom. Really. If I did anything that caused you unnecessary gried or pain, I am really, really sorry.
I am coming more and more (slowly) to terms with death. I’ve been afraid of it for so long. But, it is natural. It is a natural process. And, I do believe…what we have to look forward in it is BEAUTIFUL & ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL BEYOND BELIEF! I just want to feel that all the time. I believe in God and I believe in Jesus as our Saviour. I believe I am forgiven for my sins and that HE died for all of our sins. I believe that my mother believed that, too! When I asked her if she believed before she went into a coma, she gave me a definite “YES”, eyes wide opened and very emphatic.
I just had to get all that out. Thank you for listening.
Debbie Pfleger
hi Debbie, welcome to the blog and I thank you for leaving your so touching and heart felt comment. You have my deepest condolensences with the passing of your mother. Throughout the blog I have written many,many time of how I do believe such a situation is so very much harder on the family. This actuallyt I know to be true as I see what it does to Vi each time I am taken to the hospital.
It is very recent that your mother passed and you are deep in the grieving process, a process that does take time. It is something we each deal with in our own way and in our own time.
Debbie, while you are going through this, try to be kind to yourself after all you are only human. You were there for your mother in the very best way your could considering all that was happening in your life at that time. By that I mean there you were forced to sit back helplessly as your mother suffered. That has to be the worst thing imaginable. I think it is only human, something we all do is carry the regrets. The feeling of I wish I had done more of this or that. That was a time when you yourself was going through a great emotional trauma. We can all look back at times in our lives and wish we had done things differently. Please realize you did the best you could for where you were at emotionally at the time.
I am sure that just having you there helped your mother more than you can realize. You said she was peaceful most of the time.
considering the circumstances, what more could anyone ask for?
Is is selfish to want to hang on to our loved ones for as long as we can? I suppose it is, but in a very loving,human way.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers. I invite you to return to the blog here as often as you may wish and leave any comment you may wish, share any feelings you may wish. I am sure it feels like you are all alone right now but with your belief system in place you know you are not. But you are also not alone in that you have people, friends right here that will be here to support you as we can.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Bill
Awwwwww….. (((((( Debbie ))))))
I feel for you. I lost my mother when I was a wee thing. I’m glad you got more time–but I’m not sure if more or less makes the loss any easier. There’s a hole in my heart, but I think that’s a good thing cuz it leaves room for more to flow in–if I let it. (sometimes I struggle with that one!)
I do agree with Bill. Be a bit more gentle with you. Hind sight is always 20/20 and when we’re in the throes of losing someone who’s been an integral part of our lives, we scramble. As a five year old, I somehow thought there was something I should have been able to do to help my mother have an easier go of it. I don’t think it’s feasible for a 5 year old to accomplish that–any more than I believe it’s feasible for a 56 year old to accomplish that. It ain’t the age–it’s the desire to hang on to what we love. (if that makes sense) We don’t want to lose that and we give ourselves all sorts of ‘power’ we don’t truly have, yaknow?
G-d was ready to receive her and my mother was ready to be received. I’ve gotten around to embracing that as truth, today. TOOK me a while to get there cuz I so desperately wanted a different result–as I’m sure did you.
I’m glad your mom found peace. I’m hopeful you’ll be able to give yourself a bit of that, knowing that you did the best you could do at that moment–and mom’s love us no matter what, eh?
((((((((( Debbie )))))))))
I’m glad you shared as you did. That was a huge step in healing for me–just saying what my brain and my heart felt/was telling me was immensely important to that process of grieving and the process of self forgiveness.
*Hugs*
Uh huh….I know how this one works well, sir. If some is good….MORE is better!! LOL
The good news is — you’re much more practical and responsible than I am. *laughing* Notsomuch for me! I gotta get GOOD and sick before *I* surrender. *shaking head*
I’m pretty sure you’ve taken the rest needed to get your feet under you……and rely on you doing that AS many times as you need to.
Did I say ‘welcome back’?
Welcome home!!!!!!
Drink lots, rest when weary….and let the laundry multiply from afar. It ain’t goin’ no where!! (darn laundry….LOL)