Dying Man’s Daily Journal -Understand the dying

Ever have a bad day? That is a silly question, of course you have, every one has their own bad days. Each of us has our own individual definition of what a bad day would be. I think for most a bad day would be a day in which someone did something, or something happened that took the shine off the day for us. Maybe even made us feel frustrated, irritable, crabby or whatever.Hey, it happens, we are human and are entitled to bad days.

Let’s see and argument with a spouse could cause a bad day. The kids acting up could cause a bad day. A stressful day at work, running late, getting caught in traffic, long lines in the grocery store. Ah,there are just a million things that if we let them can cause us to have a “bad” day. We have all had those days, know what they feel like. We understand what it is like to have a day like that and when we see some else having one of those days we tend to cut them a little slack and understand when they may be a little crabby, grumpy or what ever. Please just take a moment and think back to what caused you bad days. Think of the things that made you crabby, grumpy or what ever. Feeling to which you justified as ones you were entitled to, for what ever reason.

Now try to image what your day would be like, if on that day you heard the words, you are dying, come out of your doctor’s mouth. Hearing those words certainly take the shine off of your day. In your mind you can try to imagine what that would be like and what it may do to your day, your week, your month……. How do you think that might affect your mood? Now if we just naturally allow some slack and understanding to someone that had a bad day at the office and is feeling down or grumpy. What should we do for the person that has learned they are dying?

Meg, is a lady that has left us a few comments here on the blog. I am honored to have become a friend through the numerous emails we have exchanged. Meg is just a fountain of wonderful information and ideas. Now emails I always consider private from the blog as many know. Meg has graciously granted me permission to pass on and insight I may gain, and that I have. I thank you Meg and do hope you will join us right here on the blog with your sharings. Meg and I have discussed the level of understanding others have of what it is like to know you are dying. This is a poem Meg shared with me:

Don’t tell me that you understand.
Don’t tell me that you know.
Don’t tell me that I will survive,
How I will surely grow.
Don’t come at me with answers
That can only come from me.
Don’t tell me how my grief will pass,
That I will soon be free.
Accept me in my ups and downs.
I need someone to share.
Just hold my hand and let me cry
And say, “My friend, I care.”
                                                                                                                           (Author unknown)

6 Responses to Dying Man’s Daily Journal -Understand the dying

  1. Noel says:

    Awesome poem! thank you for the reminder that the things that would normally give us a bad day suddenly becomes unimportant when we realize how finite life is. We worry so much about arguments with spouses, late for job, kids acting up, etc. but forget to fully enjoy life. I have found myself having to learn how to live the present moment.

    hi Noel and thank you for sharing your thoughts. Live in the moment to the fullest. We really donèt know which of our moments may be our last.

    • cassandrarn says:

      Dear Bill, your blog is sensitivly done,your vulnerability powerful. Meg’s poem important in view of the fact many of us think,I must do something, something to help, something that makes me feel better in my helpless to show I care. With heavy interest op “doing” instead of just “being”.
      No matter how much I know that it is not about doing that helps another but just being there for another, I still need the reminder. Cassandra

      Hi Cassandra, welcome to the blog and thank you for your comment. I have to think it is more difficult for those that must helplessly sit by and watch as a loved one suffers. So very badly wanting to help to be able to do anything You raise a good point that I had not thought of. That desire the need to help as well inteded as it may be can be an effort to make ourselves feel better by being able to do something. Good point I have to think on this a little more.
      ps. I popped over to visit your site and found it to have some wonderful information. I have added you to my blog roll.

  2. Mel says:

    Truly awesome poem.
    I ‘get it’.

    (((((((((((( Meg ))))))))))))))

    I know YOU know how grateful I am that Meg’s maintained contact with you, Bill…that she has found someone with whom she feels she can be heard. That’s a huge deal to BE that for someone, yaknow?

    And yes. I ‘get’ the ‘bad day’ deal. I’m a practiced whiner. LOL I whine about the most petty, stupid, trivial things. WPIML says I can do that three times–then it’s about letting go and getting on with having a good time and living life. I’d been pretty good at doing that……and then stuff that felt really, really big–happened.

    Wanna talk perspective?
    WAS it as big as being told to ‘get your affairs in order’?
    Did I water it and nurture it with my whining and make it grow?
    *hanging head*
    I guess I chalk it up to being human and TRY to hang on to the lesson.

    Much like I TRY to hang on to the lesson about ‘bad hair days’…..when it all falls out–THEN it’s a bad hair day.


    I like what Noel said about living IN the moment.
    The problem for me continues to be ‘the further I get away from the delivery of the stark truth, the cockier I get’.

    WPIML handed me a medallion to carry a while back. “Live TODAY”
    He’s a wise one–
    I’ll take it from the shelf and place it back into my pocket.

    Hi Mel. That being allowed to whine about something only 3 times is a good rule to live by. I CAN even remember you applying that very rule to me and I thank you. I am right there with you, watering and nurturing little issues allowing them, helping them to grow in size within my mind.. Geesh, you would think I would learn but I am getting better.
    Me get cocky about my condition as more time passes,ME. Guilty as charged.
    Have a good day.

  3. souldipper says:

    Thank you, my teachers. It’s so hard to remember that my wanting to comfort you is really all about me! This is a terrific reminder.

    Luckily for us we can learn from everyone.

  4. Shirley says:

    I surfed upon your blog and was struck by this statement, “try to image what your day would be like, if on that day you heard the words, you are dying, come out of your doctor’s mouth” because, more times than I can count, I’ve thought about how I’d feel. And I know without a doubt I’d feel relieved this life is finally coming to an end. Another thing I’ve often wondered is why those who want to go, are assigned to stay while those who wouldn’t mind staying are assigned to go. Don’t mean to bring anyone down or make light of your circumstances. Just thought I’d give you a different view point as to how some of us would feel to hear those words.

    Hi Shirley and welcome to the blog. I thank you for taking the time to leave me your comment. I always welcome comments with thoughts or ideas that differ from my own. A different point of view or perspective can give me food for thought. Would you consider sharing more of you thoughts.

  5. Shirley says:

    It felt good to get those thoughts out. I’ve had them since I was 13 years old. I’m 68 now and have just never wanted to be here. When I was younger, I took steps not to be here, but was never allowed to get out. As I matured, I came to know our life is not really our own. That there appears to be some sort of plan and the way out is the way through. I would be happy to share more thoughts, if you wish. What would you like to know. It’s difficult to express not wanting to be here when there is nothing that seriously wrong with my health and my life. It is especially difficult to not want to be here when there are others who are struggling and want to stay. I’ve often thought that if I could switch and give someone my life so they might live and I took their death that I would jump at the chance. Have you ever heard of “walk-ins” and “walk-outs”? Author Ruth Montgomery outlined steps to invite a walk-in to take over. I tried it for years. Did not work. I am destined to stay until whatever is behind it all releases me.

    Hi Shirley. I thank you for responding to my request for more information. I am one of those on the other side of the table from you. I am doing and will continue to do everything I can to stay on this earth for as long as I can. Having just typed that I realize that no, there are certain circumstances under which I would not want to remain either. A stroke is what I fear the most. Should I ever be stricken with a fully functioning mind trapped in a totally non functioning body, unable to even communicate, I too would want to mov on. Short of something like that I am here for the long haul. Or as long as I can make it.
    I am glad it felt good for you to be able to get those thoughts out. Talking venting what ever is very often the best way for me to deal with issues. I welcome you to continue doing that here. I have to be honest in saying I do not understand, can you explain it to me.

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