Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Prayers for the dying please


I received a comment yesterday that really touched me. It is from Meg, whom I hope will become a regular blogging friend. It is hard to imagine what she is going through unless you have been there.

I have copied Meg’s comment and my reply to here. I do this as I know all do not always read the comments. This one just can’t be missed. I sent Meg an email to which I hope she will respond. I ask for prayer please and comment of love and support.

I’m dying. This is the first time i’ve said or typed it out loud. I came across your blog and this post got to me. Reflecting on my life and trying to find where I matter, what difference I’ve made is hard. Yes, I’ve helped other people cope with their lives and deaths and that should give me a sense of something but it doesn’t. I find myself faacing my own death completely alone. I’ve reached the grand old age of 42 and have not aa single friend or family member. When the doctor said that my condition was terminal he asked if there was anyone he could call for me. The fact there was nobody caused me more pain than the prognosis. Reflecting on my life in the face of my death makes me wonder if loneliness will kill me before my diseased body gets the chance.

Hi Meg, welcome to the blog, I thank you for stopping by and leaving this message.
It is like I can feel you pain as I read your words and my heart goes out to you. I wish I had some magic words that could help ease your burden, you pain. There just are none that I know of.
I have so many questions I would like to ask you. There is so much I would like to say to you but that is all based on my experience and my feelings. The journey we are both on is an individual journey and we must each come to terms with it in our own way/ways.
Yes it is an individual journey and yes it is a lonely journey but it does not have to be made alone. There are many many resources out there to help us in this stage of our lives. This blog being designed to be one tiny resource to which all can turn. It has been a huge help to me and others that have passed by. Please know you are welcome here at any time. Welcome to share any thoughts or feelings you may wish to. You are welcome to rant, rave, cry or what ever. Talking.writing about it does help, I know from experience. Here a group of friends from all over the world has gathered and has become truly what I consider to be a part of my family. We would be more than happy to have you join our family. A lot of loving, non-judgemental support is here for you should you wish.
I hope you don’t mind but I am going to email you directly
Bill

Meg, if you happen to read this, I have had 2 separate emails returned. I know NOTHING about technology but they come with a message saying your domain is not configured to accept messages from gmail. Please contact me here.       Bill

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7 Responses to Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Prayers for the dying please

  1. Mel says:

    ((((((((((( Meg ))))))))))))))

    I am so glad you stumbled across Bill and his weblog. And I’m glad you were able to just say what’s true for you.
    Hard as that might have been, it’s been a life lesson for me to put things into print so I can ‘move’ and ‘breathe’ a bit.

    I waited a long time to let anyone know what the physicians were saying–with children in the home I felt like I needed a bit of ‘order’ to all of it before I presented it. Truthfully, I waited (in part) because I simply didn’t want to deal in the facts–they were horribly difficult facts to deal in for ME and not talking about it worked to give me a chunk of time to organize and collect myself. (bit of a control freak, I am–and I felt utterly out of control with this one….cuz I was)

    I waded through a chunk of it alone, by choice….lying to people who cared about my life because I felt a need to have me in check before I involved anyone else(again, me wanting to control and have a sense of order). I only gave it to others when physical changes happened and it became evident that there was a huge problem. I knew the gig was up.

    But it was a choice– I can only imagine the power of that realization when it hit for you. Makes my heart hurt horribly….

    I know you don’t ‘know’ me.
    I know you have no history with me–or with Bill or with anyone in this community (the folks who frequent Bill’s place and extend themselves to Bill and anyone who stops by here are spectacular folks).
    But I’d….WE’D be honoured to be connected to you–if you’d allow us.
    No one need do this walk alone.
    And I’d like to believe that putting this into black and white–here…..was a beginning point of allowing someone to be there for you–with you, even through this medium.

    I hope for this.

    And I’ll pray for your return–for opened hands and heart to allow others to care, to be present and to walk through this with you.

    ((((((((((((( Meg ))))))))))))))

    You’re in my prayers.
    I mean that.

    • meg says:

      Mel,

      thank you so muvh for your kind words and evident compassion. I’m at a loss to find the words to convey how your response and those I’ve had from Bill have somehow given me a strand of hope that perhaps in my death I will have found a place where people can accept me in all my ups and downs, without judgement and with raw, honest care.

      I’m vulnerable and scared beyond description but finding this blog has given me something to keep fughting for and a reason to get up in the morning.

      I’m sending you warm wishes and my gratitude,

      meg

      Hi Meg, so glad to see you here. Still seems to be some confusion or something with the emails, but I did get the message you sent me and I thank you.
      Bill

      • Mel says:

        Oh Meg, I’m so glad you returned. I prayed in gratitude that our paths were crossed– and hoped that you would find it in you to return–and you did. I’m so, so very grateful.

        (((((((((( Meg ))))))))))

        There is no judgement–truthfully. Just love and warmth and wishes for peace. And a little place where you can come to tell the truth, to say your piece in peace.

        It’s a tough moment in time. I know this.
        I also know the pull in ME to separate it all into neat little compartments in hopes of finding some way to keep me in control during that blind sort of panicked ‘this isn’t really happening’ stuff that denial does to me.

        Fear does strange things to me.

        I know I’m not alone in that.

        Vulnerable and scared are pretty ‘normal’ in this deal. And there were times (lots of them) that I had to force myself to connect with people. I didn’t wanna be a ‘Debbie downer’ and I didn’t want to scare, burden or make anyone feel obligated to me in any way shape or form. Independent cuss that I can be, I’ll ‘figure it out’ was (and sometimes still IS) a mantra of mine.
        I’m still growing. I don’t ‘surrender’ easily. (k….I’m stubborn as well as independent!)

        It’s okay to feel everything you feel. It’s okay to be where you are. Baby steps happen as we’re ready and they turn into huge leaps. I consider it a huge step that you were able to put this into black and white..and an even huger one that you returned and did that twice. Twice, Meg! That is so very scary and so very brave and so very powerful.
        I’m so very proud of you for that. I know so many times I made attempts, said a bit of what was true……and then simply disappeared, letting fear win and me lose.

        I think it was a brilliant plan on the Big Guy’s part to make the problem so visible to the world around me. He forced me to throw in my hand and just say what was really, really–and I won as a result, truly.

        I have a wise person in my life who tells me that we all go through fears the same way. “Freaking scared”…..and that the only past the fear, is through it. I’ve muddled my way to this point–freaking scared, of course–but it’s been worth the muddling, even if it was freaking scary.

        ((((((((((( Meg )))))))))))

        I’m so very proud of you.
        And so very grateful you returned.

        It’s a brilliant place–this little comfy piece of peace Bill has here. I think angels fly when the ‘post comment’ button is pressed.

        *hugs*

        I hope you stay connected with Bill–and with all of us. Truly–there’s something about the power of ‘we’ that is totally amazing.

        *sending warm, peace filled thoughts*

  2. souldipper says:

    Hi Meg, I’ve got all this love and sometimes I cannot stop it from flowing over. It needs to land somewhere! Hope you are willing to let a little land in your heart.

    What a gift that you have come to Bill’s blog. The people who visit here are genuine, authentic and real. Guess what! That includes you.

    There’s a lot of fluff said about the internet, but how can you beat a system that presents us with an opportunity to share love that we would otherwise miss out on? We may not have “skin on”, but neither does the Source of Love (whatever that is for you.) The energy that flows from this place is more loving and powerful than we can ask or imagine. It is simply another form of prayer. It’s a way to forward my healing thoughts to you.

    I don’t have to ask the Creator/God/Spirit to keep you in love and friendship. It’s automatically and indelibly done. It’s now. It’s always. I only need to ask once and it is given.

    Please know, Meg, that you are surrounded! 😛

    This is to both you and Mel,your kind hearts and loving natures are shining through again.
    Bill

  3. Mel says:

    Bill?

    Do you have an alternative/another account for sending and receiving emails? Some accounts won’t accept gmail because they’re configured to block them.

    (I’m going to hope Meg returns.)

    hi Mel,no I don’t I didn’t even realize this was an issue. Huh, could explain others. I will be setting up an alternate account. Thanks
    Bill

    • Mel says:

      (((((((((((((( Bill ))))))))))))))))

      You are such a loving and wonderful child of G-d.

      Small wonder He crossed our paths.
      Thank you, Bill.

      (Thanks G-d!!)

      Thank you Mel you are just too kind

  4. Mel says:

    *thinking about Meg*

    I’m sorta kinda like that……

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