Here on the blog I can see the search words people have used on the internet search engine that have led them to my blog. The most common theme of these searches is looking for information on how to deal with the dying. What to say, what to do, what kind of gift to buy for a soon approaching birthday or what ever. What do you or what can you do to spend quality time with a dying loved one?
That is a very complicated question and there really is no one right or wrong way to do it.
First off, I remind I am not a doctor, nor a man of the clergy or any sort of counsellor. I am just me, a guy sitting at his computer, in his basement in Winnipeg Manitoba. My only qualifications to speak on this matter is the fact that I have heard the words. “you are dying” from my doctors. I share my thoughts. my feelings on how I feel and how I see things. Everyone is different and what applies to me well may not apply to others.
The most important thing for me anyway is to remember I am still me. Several doctors in their educated opinions have used the word dying in my medical file. That fact by itself does not change me. I have several serious medical conditions, yes, but that does not change who I am, what I like, what I like to do or anything. Visit me exactly as you would have yesterday, last week or last year. Having that you are dying label put around my neck doesn’t change who I am.
What my condition has done is limit my physical capabilities. It has increased the necessity for me to be closer to medical assistance but nothing else. Keeping that in mind we can visit just as we have in the past.
Maybe it can be best put, I am the person living inside this body of mine. While the physical body may be changing, I AM NOT, I am still here. Come for a visit and that is what you can expect. I can only speak for myself but I am sure it is the same with the majority of others. Don’t be afraid or reluctant to visit. I am sure we will both enjoy ourselves.
I have a lot more in mind to say here but am tired and will try to get more up tomorrow.
“Maybe it can be best put, I am the person living inside this body of mine. While the physical body may be changing, I AM NOT, I am still here. Come for a visit and that is what you can expect.”
Very well said!
Thank you Cat. That is an important thing for people to understand,.
Well said, Bill. I remember reading about a person getting so fed up and saying to the medical profession, “I am not the damned disease. I am me!”
Invaluable insights, Bill, that I hope will help folks remember that the greatest way to show love is presence.
As my elderly parents used to lovingly say, “Come often. Don’t stay long.”
We understood. They needed to see us, but their energy could only take us in small doses.
Thanks Amy. The greatest present can be your presence. Well put also, come often just don’t stay too long.
I appreciate people who want to remain and BE present. I also appreciate those who feel like they can’t, for whatever reason.
But I agree.
We are not our disease(s). That’s a tough one for people to comprehend until they’ve walked it. I think you said it well.
Hi Bill – I just happened across your blog this evening and let me congratulate you on the wonderful thoughts you are sharing here.
I love this sentence: “The most important thing for me anyway is to remember I am still me.”
I recently lost both of my parents within a four month period and have started writing about my experience. (http://exploring-life.ca/series/on-the-loss-of-my-parents/). I thought you might have some interest.
I have subscribed to your weblog and will look forward to following your writing.
I like the fact that the author is focused about today.Today is the most important thing not to a dying man only but all of us because we are not assured of tomorrow.
Hello Joseph, welelcome to my blog. I am glad you like my message. You took it for exactly what I am trying to say. Hope to hear from you again.