Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Positive attitude a must

 I have really been feeling down this past while. I have always worked at, struggled to maintain a positive attitude. Attitude carries you a long way in this world and helps make the journey a lot easier even more enjoyable while it is carrying you along.

This whole dying business is kind of a big deal. I (as do we all) know it is coming, when is the only question. I can remember 3 or 4 times when medically the odds were really stacked against me, but for some reason I am still here. Hey, if I am like a cat that has 9 lives, I am in good shape, I still have 2 left.lol  The good Lord has given extra time to prepare for what is to come. Generally, I have tried to use that time wisely. I wish to leave this earth with no negativity contained within my heart and no regrets for which I have not at least tried to make amends. When I get myself into “the zone” as I like to call it, I can write about how precious time is, don’t waste a precious moment of it. When I write that I know it, I believe it and I feel it. The zone is my term just for when I really have my head all  together. I struggle to keep it there.

I find if I can come up with a physical comparable it helps me to understand it. Now I certainly am not trying to compare myself to an Olympic athlete but maybe it illustrates my point.  An athlete trains preparing him/herself to peak physically and emotionally be in their zone at the time of the games. The date of the games arrives and they are ready only to be told, the games have been postponed, for an uncertain amount of time, but that they should keep themselves peeked indefinitely. How long would they be able to do that? I know a silly comparable.

I like being in “the zone”, it is peaceful, relaxed and I am content. Outside influences roll by me,off me like water off a ducks back, just not being important. I am just easy going, relaxed and go with the flow. Maybe, with years more work I could reach the point where nothing is important to me and so nothing would get to me. Obviously I am not there yet. There are things that are important to me!! Healthy boundaries are important. Easy going and relaxed does not translate to door mat.

I think it all started really back in May or June. That is when the 4 cardiologists disagreed about my up coming treatment. Two favoring immediate open heart surgery, two favoring doing nothing at all. That dragged on for 3 or 4 months. The not knowing what to be prepared for was for me difficult as there were and are serious consequences either way.

I think I was stressing over that when a couple of issues over the summer knocked me right out of the zone. I need to get off my butt and go something about it.


10 Responses to Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Positive attitude a must

  1. souldipper says:

    Bill, I know you have your relationship with whatever higher being exists for you. So I’m going to go out on a limb and share some humour with you:



    Thank you I got a good laugh out of that one.

  2. Mel says:


    Ohmygosh, I soooooo needed that laugh this evening. Ty Amy–and thank you Bill for passing it forward.


    I gotta say–stressing over the stuff you were handed is a pretty ‘human’ thing, Bill. I’ve shared before how I can become complacent, comfortable–and eventually (yes I know this is surprising!)…..cocky. I fail to believe I’m the only one this happens to–I suspect it’s a human condition.
    The further away I get from the circumstances that got my attention, the cockier I get. I don’t think it’s ‘denial’–I think it’s me doing what I do. I rest in the laurels of the day and I break away from some very simple practices that keep me centered. And I get complacent. So when there’s a tug on that rug under my feet, I see the tumble coming before it arrives.

    I have a choice then–get back into those simple practices and back in center of what’s good and true….or get ready for the rug to get yanked and the tumble to happen.

    Apparently I’m okay with a bit off the wobbles. LOL But I dearly dread (though could avoid!) the ‘knocked off my feet and onto my arse’ stuff….and I get miffed at me for letting it happen.
    I also get that loving reminder that it’s irrelevant–get up, get back to basics, and come home.

    It’s just that loving reminder–in my humble opinion.
    You can go forward. And you will.
    The first step is always recognizing where your feet ARE.
    Then it’s simply about moving them steadily forward…step by step by step.

    You have lots of folks who’ll walk with you.
    But you already know that…..right? 😉

    ((((((((((((( Bill )))))))))))))))))

  3. Eric says:

    Staying in the zone has been impossible for me this last month, nearly losing my son twice in that period (for more on how this started and continued start here: http://iamabrokenmanyoucantbreakme.blogspot.com/2011/01/this-is-how-we-roll.html).
    But it has taught me to respect my limitations more instead of always pushing them and perhaps I will even learn not to push others.
    You feel you have a lot to accomplish because you are dying, but the most valuable lessons you have to learn can not be crammed into a small time frame. We are certainly here to learn: your help of your neighbour probably came naturally to you, it’s not something that you can teach. Some of the most valuable things are right there inside of us, waiting to be recognized.

  4. Cat says:

    I actually think your Olympic athlete comparison was a really good one. It’s a great way to explain your situation.

    I know what you mean about keeping a positive attitude. My situation isn’t comparable to yours — I’m just dealing with rheumatoid arthritis, which isn’t fun but isn’t nearly as serious as what you’re going through — but I can relate to the importance of attitude. It’s impossible to keep that positive attitude going all the time. There will always be times when physical and/or emotional exhaustion will get to you. I have faith that you’ll get back into the zone, though. Sending prayers and good thoughts your way.

  5. Kate says:

    Sir Bill, your positivity is contagious! Now that you’ve said I’ve too started feeling the preciousness of every passing moment , the time that I’ve got to live in this world is to be thankful for , I feel blessed.
    The Lifestyle Test

  6. Ed Darrell says:

    Nice, and intriguing, to realize that you’ve been writing about dying for so long.

    Got enough for a book yet?

    Hi Ed,nice to hear from you. A book has been suggested to me a couple of times. I gave it thought at one time, but don’t see myself going that way.

  7. […] This guy, at Dying man’s daily journal,  has a brain tumor and congestive heart failure. He was given a terminal prognosis four years […]

  8. Mel says:

    NOT that I’m impatient or worrying or borrowing troubles…… It’s just been awful silent from this corner of cyberspace for a while.

    *twiddling thumbs*

    I’ll wait.
    People tell me I suck at being patient–I’m sure the practice will do me good.

    *twiddling thumbs*

    Hi Mel, I just needed a little time to step back and get my head in order. I need to and am getting on with things.

  9. Irene Plaetinck says:

    Dear Bill,
    We need sunshine, blue sky, birds chirping, and flowers growing. I’m sick of winter! Every snowflake is driving me insane!! I’m sure that more spring-like weather will put us all in better spirits. I, too, have been “down” and can’t really put my finger on what exactly is the problem. There are a number of physical problems popping up (could it all be a result of aging????) but the lack of motivation and “oomph” is most worrisome. It all feels like walking uphill. Sorry…enough complaining…
    Know that I think about you often and pray for you even more often, Wiseman.

    Hi Irene, it is nice to hear from you my friend. Sorry to hear of how you are feeling, but as Mel said spring is just around the corner. You hang in there my friend and know you are in my daily prayers.

    • Mel says:

      ((((((((((((( Irene )))))))))))))))

      It’s been a tough winter for a whole lot of folks. I’m sorry it’s been such a battle.

      Spring is coming!!! Hang in there, dearheart.

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