I have received several requests both right here on the blog and via email to share my thoughts and feelings on what the dying process will be like. I almost think I have written about this in the past but am not really sure. I am not going to go back and look as I want to share my thoughts as they are today. I have evolved and changed as a person and I know some of my thinking has. I don’t really think it has changed much, my thinking that is, but that was then and now is now.
I remind all, I am not a doctor nor a man of the clergy and I have never witnessed or been present when someone died. I am just me a regular guy, sitting at his computer sharing his thoughts. As a man facing his own demise, I acknowledge as I have been told that possibly this is but wishful thinking on my part. But, this is what I believe:
I am talking of the actual passing from this world to the next. While we are still on this side, our time well may be awful as our body is being ravaged by the disease or injury that has us on the brink of death. That is the part I do fear. That but marks the end of our time in this physical world.
I have had what I believe to be what we call a near death experience. It was right in the midst of heart attack #2. I was down on the ground experiencing intense pain all across my chest. It also felt like I had a huge weight on my chest, like someone was standing on my chest making it difficult to breathe. I will write about that experience in more detail some day. Let’s just say I was in a lot of discomfort struggling to breathe. I am not sure what happened but somehow suddenly the pain was gone. Where I had been consciously struggling to breathe, suddenly it wasn’t even a thought. I don’t have the words to describe it. To say I felt wonderful is such an understatement, so at peace, like I was basking in a warm glow. I did not see any lights or tunnels or any such thing. I was focused on my wife’s face (ex-wife now). As I was lying on the ground she was kneeling over me. I saw her face seem to very slowly start to float away. I then could hear her voice seemly coming from a long distance away, screaming at me to breath. Talking to her afterwards I learned that she had been screaming at me when I had in fact stopped breathing. This happened twice. As i listened to her voice, it was like her face started to float back towards me. The closer she came back came the chest pain and breathing issues. I am not sure how to explain that.
For my physical mind I need a physical reference to help me make sense of anything. Many have talked of a tunnel or something and that well may be. It is just for me to gain some sense of personal understanding, to allow me to picture or imagine it in my mind, I picture a doorway. In effect a doorway to the other side. God knows when we are to pass and He opens that doorway as a welcome to us as we near it. As we are preparing to leave this world we can see through that doorway. We can often see relatives or loved ones on the other side waiting to welcome us. When God deems the time to be right He will call us to walk through that doorway entering the Kingdom of Heaven. I don’t know but I can only image that once through that doorway if we were to stop and think back we would be just shaking out heads at our dread and fear of this event.
Be it that we go through a doorway or a tunnel, it doesn’t really matter, the end destination is the same.
Please share your thoughts with me on this.