Dying man’s Daily Journal – The Dying Process


I have received several requests both right here on the blog and via email to share my thoughts and feelings on what the dying process will be like. I almost think I have written about this in the past but am not really sure. I am not going to go back and look as I want to share my thoughts as they are today. I have evolved and changed as a person and I know some of my thinking has. I don’t really think it has changed much, my thinking that is, but that was then and now is now.

I remind all, I am not a doctor nor a man of the clergy and I have never witnessed or been present when someone died.  I am just me a regular guy, sitting at his computer sharing his thoughts. As a man facing his own demise, I acknowledge as I have been told that possibly this is but wishful thinking on my part. But, this is what I believe:

I am talking of the actual passing from this world to the next. While we are still on this side, our time well may be awful as our body is being ravaged by the disease or injury that has us on the brink of death. That is the part I do fear. That but marks the end of our time in this physical world.

I have had what I believe to be what we call a near death experience. It was right in the midst of heart attack #2. I was down on the ground experiencing intense pain all across my chest. It also felt like I had a huge weight on my chest, like someone was standing on my chest making it difficult to breathe. I will write about that experience in more detail some day. Let’s just say I was in a lot of discomfort struggling to breathe. I am not sure what happened but somehow suddenly the pain was gone. Where I had been consciously struggling to breathe, suddenly it wasn’t even a thought. I don’t have the words to describe it. To say I felt wonderful is such an understatement, so at peace, like I was basking in a warm glow. I did not see any lights or tunnels or any such thing. I was focused on my wife’s face (ex-wife now). As I was lying on the ground she was kneeling over me. I saw her face seem to very slowly start to float away. I then could hear her voice seemly coming from a long distance away, screaming at me to breath. Talking to her afterwards I learned that she had been screaming at me when I had in fact stopped breathing. This happened twice. As i listened to her voice, it was like her face started to float back towards me. The closer she came back came the chest pain and breathing issues. I am not sure how to explain that.

For my physical mind I need a physical reference to help me make sense of anything. Many have talked of a tunnel or something and that well may be. It is just for me to gain some sense of personal understanding, to allow me to picture or imagine it in my mind, I picture a doorway. In effect a doorway to the other side. God knows when we are to pass and He opens that doorway as a welcome to us as we near it. As we are preparing to leave this world we can see through that doorway. We can often see relatives or loved ones on the other side waiting to welcome us. When God deems the  time to be right He will call us to walk through that doorway entering the Kingdom of Heaven. I don’t know but I can only image that once through that doorway if we were to stop and think back we would be just shaking out heads at our dread and fear of this event.

Be it that we go through a doorway or a tunnel, it doesn’t really matter, the end destination is the same.

Please share your thoughts with me on this.

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8 Responses to Dying man’s Daily Journal – The Dying Process

  1. Chris Childs says:

    Great thoughts! I see Jesus waiting for us and being surrounded by those who have gone before us and feeling a sense of love that is so powerful! It will be a love that we never could imagine feeling here and yet realize that it is a love that has been with us all the time!

    Hi Chris. Great comment I agree with everything you say. Thank you for sharing.
    Bill

  2. souldipper says:

    What a challenge to write these experiences, Bill. When I “knew” I was going to die as I was flying over an embankment in my car, I completely surrendered. I said, “Now I’ll know…I’m going to God.”

    A very clear message I ‘sensed’ was, “You don’t go anywhere to be with God – God has always been with you. God is everywhere, always has been and always will be.”

    That experience is as clear today as it was 15 years ago. The strength is not watered down. I know that my energy form will continue, just as you portray, and that, as I pass over, there will be whomever I expect to be there. The Love is so great, the kindness so wondrous that what we need to cross over will be given.

    When Joyce, one of my spiritual mentors, died, she opened her eyes, looked up into the corner of the room and reached out with palm open. That was it. She died. I knew who she wanted to greet her – her husband. I have no doubt that he was the one waiting for her grasp.

    Death is a door that will take me to the next level of existence…one far superior to this one and this one hasn’t been so bad!

    As you may know if you read my blog, my meditations often include Jesus. I hear incredible words of love and guidance. I follow the directions – they are never difficult. They seem tailor made.

    I’m not a religious fanatic or any sort of radical. I just know there’s a lot more to this than us.

    That’s what God’s Love is all about in my understanding at this stage of my life.

    thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. You comment is the very essence of what I was trying to express in my post. I love the line:”You don’t go anywhere to be with God – God has always been with you. God is everywhere, always has been and always will be.”
    Wonderful comment
    Bill

  3. eirikr1965 says:

    While I believe that 99% of all existance is hidden, i.e. we cannot see molecules with our eyes and yet they are there, our knowledge of things is in an embryonic stage, I also believe that certain experiences of ‘near-death’ can be explained without the need (for me personally) to reach out to spiritual explanations.

    Also I am not the least bit concerned with what comes after since I feel that being here now is fulfilling my purpose, not what comes after.

    I’ve held my son in my arms as he was near death and watched him cling to life by a tattered thread on a number of occassions. I had a near death experience as a child, nearly drowning in the ocean, and watching a teenage girl who did drown in the same wave that struck us but none of his has ever changed my opinion about the transformation from life into death. The next weekend (I was 7 years old) I was back in the water at the exact same beach. Thirty years of studying mysticism, theology, philosophy and psychology has not changed my opinion.

    When my mother-in-law lay dying on her bed I could clearly see a distorted shadow image floating over her body. At that moment I knew she was going and so left her, to allow her energy to go wherever it needed to go.

    To me it is about frquency, vibrational energy. Since we don’t need our bodies any longer our energy will be absorbed into the spectrum it belongs to but the ego ceases to exist.

    I think this last sentence is the hardest for people to accept and so they feel they will retain their consciousness, with all of its trappings and intentions. I believe our incarnation in a corporeal form is specific and that when it is over we move on, but so does the shape and form of our existence.
    I have been in other near death experiences through accidents and even illness. I have never felt more or less afraid of death. It doesn’t really interest me.

    Hi Erik, I thank you for stopping by and taking the time to share you thoughts. You have given me food for thought.
    I agree many if not most near death experiences could be scientifically explained away. But, most is still not all.
    We agree there is “something” more after our physical deaths, it is the what form that something will take that is at question. I don’t pretend to have all the answers.No one will know until we individually pass over. I share my thoughts, feelings and beliefs.
    While I am on this physical earth, I am Bill. just a regular guy, nothing more nothing less. I have all the strengths and weaknesses that come with being human. As I see it what makes us individual humans is our egos, sense of self. That sense of self varies in each individual. I am not sure if capacity is the right word to use here, but I will use it to get my point across. As human some have a greater capacity for love, for hate, for anger, for compassion….. that list just carries on through all of the human emotions. The combination of all of those capacities is what makes us individual humans.
    When I leave this world do I feel I will still be Bill. Yes I do but a much different Bill than is the one sitting here at the computer. I will leave not only my body but my human self behind. I will be leaving behind my ego with all of its human strengths and weaknesses.
    I will no longer be in physical form but in some sort of spiritual form the type of which I do not know. I will leave a remnants of the physical/ego me behind entering a Kingdom of love.

  4. Freda says:

    I’ve been with quite a few people as they died; sometimes relatives and sometimes friends and on a couple of occasions strangers. I was going to say there is no common thread, but then I realised that is not true. In all cases, there is a clear sense of something that was there in or with the person as they were dying and that after death, something had gone. As a Christian I think of this as being the soul, perhaps a scientist or atheist might think of it as being the breath…… but whatever it is, it is clearly no longer there. My concern is that I don’t want to die in pain or indignity or being a coward. I suspect I shall be a wimp, but if faith means anything, it means that I do not have to be totally alone, even though I have to leave behind loved ones. Hopefully, the sense of God with me and with the ancestors waiting to help, I shall get through it.
    That is my wish for you, too, Bill. I hope you find peace in your thoughts of entering a Kingdom of Love. Every Blessing.

    Hi Freda, so nice to hear from you. I share your concern about the pain or indignity and yes even that of being a wimp. To try and avoid the pain and indignity I have signed a DNR. As to the wimp part, I can sit here right now and say I am prepared, that though is easy to say as I sit here at my computer and feel fine. No One can say with certainty how they will feel or react as they lie in a hospital bed knowing they have but hours maybe even minutes left to go. Or, if anyone has I would love to hear from them.

  5. Mel says:

    “You don’t go anywhere to be with God – God has always been with you. God is everywhere, always has been and always will be.”

    Now there’s one I’ve heard more than once….seems to the be the message for me today.

    Yaknow, I have no clue what’s ‘next’. And I’m a bit like eiriker–I can’t be bothered to figure it out. I guess I’ll just surrender my earthy concepts and trust that whatever ‘it’ is, it’ll be grand. And that’s why I don’t get to worry my pretty head about the ‘what next’. I get to spend my energy on today, what’s in front of me, and being all that I was designed to be.
    Easier said than done–as eiriker pointed out, that darn ego can get in the way.

    Now–that’s not to say I haven’t worried about it. When you’re told to get your affairs in order, you borrow trouble and give yourself all sorts of nifty things to spend your brain energy on. I’ve got some beliefs. I don’t know where they’ve come from–I’m almost sure they’re borne from fear and the need to ‘hang on to’ what I think is a good deal. But I’m clear the ‘what next’ isn’t mine–that’s His. And since today I’m into trusting Him, I guess I will. He’s had great plans for my life here–and I’da never been able to gleen what I’ve gleened had it been about Mel’s plans. I underestimated my ‘greatness’. And if I’m that far off about this realm–I can only laugh at how far off I’d be about the next.

    He’s got it covered.

    And really, He’s taken excellent care of me.

    Now….please keep in mind this is my thinking at this moment in time. *laughing* Tomorrow I could wake up with a ‘Honey-Do’ list for the Big Guy, demanding He deliver. 😉

    Gotta love the unconditionalness of His love! (cuz I’m sure how fickle us human beings can be….)

    (((((((((((( Bill )))))))))))))

    HAPPY (almost) New Year!!

    Hey Mel, Happy (almost) New Year to you as well. I hope and pray the upcoming year brings you nothing but happiness, good health, peace and prosperity.
    You have it right on. I especially love 2 lines of your comment. “Gotta love the unconditionalness of His love” and “He’s got it covered” Really what more needs to be said.
    Bill

  6. pollineke says:

    My Husband died after less than 48 hours in hospice. I was beating myself up because I wasn’t there when he passed, however I have heard from several sources that he wouldn’t and couldn’t die when I was there.

    Hello pollineke, welcome to my blog and thank you for sharing such a deep and personal message with us. I do hope you are no longer beating yourself up over not being with your husband when he passed. I have heard stories such as you have related of how some terminal patients will not let go while family is with them. I am sure he loved you and hung on until such a time as you would not be there to witness his last breath. I am sure it was an act of love on his part, something I hope to be able to do when my time comes.
    Allow yourself to grieve but do not fault yourself in anyway for not being there.
    I hope you will return and share more as you feel up to it.
    Bill

  7. Dan says:

    Bill,
    I am a teenager who has read this blog on and off, and I must start off by saying that you are truly an inspiration to me. I am also intrigued by what you say here, as I’ve always seen what happens after death as a mystery(I am not religious) However, I have always respected the whole concept of a near death experience, as people who have told me about them seem to be quite genuine and their experiences legitimate. I am at the age where I still fear death, but when I am older and am forced to face my own mortality, I will no doubt reach a peace with it that you have. I do agree that dying is one of, if not the, most momentous times of our entire lives, and I truly want to, but can’t yet comprehend that there is an afterlife of some sort. Thank you for blogging and I will no doubt continue reading your inspirational work.
    -Dan

    hi Dan and welcome to the blog. It is nice to hear from you and I hope you will visit and comment again. I am not so sure age has anything to do with being able to accept our own mortality, in theory maybe. In reality I think that no matter what your age may be, it will all come too soon. It can be and ususally is a huge struggle to get to and maintain a level of acceptance.
    Bill

  8. Cat says:

    I’m late commenting on this one, but I do have a story to share. I may have shared it previously on this blog, but I’m not sure. Anyway, I was with my brother when he died. His actual passing was very peaceful. He had been in a coma and determined brain dead several hours earlier. We were waiting for a determination as to whether or not his organs could be used for transplant. Before that determination could be made, he died. I was standing at his bedside when the monitor started beeping and his heart rate began to drop. I stood next to him and watched until it reached zero and the nurse came in with a box of tissues and turned off the monitor.

    A few minutes later, as I was standing next to him and crying, out of the blue a feeling of peace and joy washed over me. It’s difficult to describe, but as I began to smile through my tears I knew that it was him letting me know that he was okay. Later, when I related the experience to his wife, she told me that at around the same moment, while she was in the waiting room giving the rest of the family the news, she had felt the same thing and had interpreted it the same way I did.

    Cat, I thank you so very much for sharing this with me. It is both tragic and beautiful at the same time. Tragic in that you lost your brother and for that my heart goes out to you. But, also so beautiful with the experience you had. Thank you again for sharing.
    Bill

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