Dying Man’s Daily Journal – I am still here

Wow, time seems to slip by so fast. Summer is gone and we are already into autumn. Being memory guy here, I had no idea it has been so long since my last post. In my mind I was sure it was just a couple of weeks ago, huh. Where does the time go. Sorry to any that I may have caused worry, that was most certainly not my intention. A reminder from my daughter Shauna and a phone call from Billie telling me to get my butt down stairs and here on to the computer.

Geesh, with so much time going by a lot has happened since my last post. Where to start. Ok,  let’s go with the health situation, physically I am feeling fine. Had some real breathing issues through the heat and humidity of summer. Doctors still seem torn on what is the best course of treatment for me, emergency open heart surgery or do nothing. Four cardiologists have reviewed my file and are equally divided as to the best course of action.  I have had open heart surgery in the past and it is no fun at all but it was not nearly as bad as I had been expecting. I am a little stressed, not through fear of the surgery, it is the waiting not knowing what is happening. I am the type that I feel I can deal with it all if I just know what is going on.

Stress is some thing I really need to avoid. There is very little in life, regular daily life that I let get to me at all.  Really all of those little daily annoyances that come up in all of our lives, I am able to just shrug off as just really not being important enough to let  bother me in the slightest, just not being important enough to stress over. With all of this dying business my out look really has changed. Through the summer though I have learned I really do need to put in more time and work at this area of my life.

I am not going to go into any details but an event transpired that REALLY upset me angered me tremendously. It has been years since I had to go through my “calming” routine.I sit quietly and ask myself a series of questions. Really, how important is this? VERY. Will you even remember this in 6 months? YES. Will you still be as upset in 6 months? YES. My nose is out of joint but I will get through it.

I am over whelmed by the number of comments I see that have been left for me, I thank all. Tomorrow I will be reading all and responding as I can. I will be back on a more regular basis.

I thank you all for the good wishes and prayers.

11 Responses to Dying Man’s Daily Journal – I am still here

  1. souldipper says:

    Really good to hear from you. Thanks for the update, Bill. I remember you mentioning your meditation practice which hopefully will help you with the decision. Thank goodness the hot, humid weather has passed. I am Canadian through and through and like temps on the cooler side.

  2. babychaos says:

    Delighted you are still here, I’ve been worried about you. To quote Tom Petty, “The waiting is the hardest part” and boy is he right. I hope they decide what to do with you soon and until they do keep practising those stress excercises. You will be invincibly de-stressed with all this practise!



  3. Mel says:

    ((((((((((( Bill!!!!!! )))))))))))))

    I was being patient and gracious the whole time! You’ll be so proud!!!!

    *now going to delete earlier comments!* LOL

    Yaknow–some battles are worth the energy, some are not. Just sayin’…

  4. Katherine says:

    Great to hear from you again Bill
    May the surgens have wisdom as they choise!
    Bless you LOTS

  5. sherry howdle says:

    Hey there cousin!

    Glad to see you are back on line and have been doing well. I was beginning to think that our visit did you in (probably drove you right to the edge anyway):) Of course I blamed it all on Shirley – and Mom – she wouldn’t let up on you in crib at all! Hope you are able to work through whatever happened and knowing you – you will be able to do it, but I understand that it may take some time. At least that is the way it is for me. Take care and talk to you soon.

  6. Betty says:


    Glad you are back. Here’s wishing a speedy answer from your cardiac doctors, although, it is better that their decision is well thought out. May your other issue be resolved in a positive way….you will know what is right.

    Wishing you and your family a belated Thanksgiving.

  7. clary says:

    Glad to hear you are around. I don’t get to write as often either, life has find a way to keep me in another ventures but wanted to check how you were. God bless.

  8. Expressmom says:

    HI Bill,
    Just stopped in to say, “I am glad you are still here!”

    Your needing to use your ‘calming’ routine reminded me of a funny time with my son. (and I think you need something funny right now.)

    He was about nine years old and was very upset…like, 6 month level upset… I can’t remember why… he probably can.
    In any case, I told him to do his calming routine. Big deeply inhaled breaths on a count of a slow 4 and then exhale the same way. He did this a few times.
    Then he said, through sobbing half breaths, “It’s not working!”
    I was stumped.
    So I told him to say a bad word.
    His eyes got as big as pies. Silence.
    I said, “Seriously, just take a big deep breath and then say one bad word. Loudly.’
    Big eyed silence.
    I encouraged again.
    Feeling brave, he finally, and with some conviction, said “DAMNIT.”
    And then he looked at me to see if a bar of soap was headed towards his lips.
    When he saw he was safe, he burst out laughing. He couldn’t believe he said it.
    I asked if he felt better. And he said he was.
    I then told him, “Now you know why adults swear!”

    Not my best parenting moment for sure. But, I have risked embarrassing myself here in hopes it made you smile. 🙂

    • Mel says:

      *laughing* From the bottom of my heart I do thank you. Saged, wonderful intervention which I shall now steal and use today during a stupid meeting that I don’t wish to attend.

      *laughing* I’m pretty sure it’ll work for me, too!

      Ty ty ty!

  9. Cat says:

    I’m so glad to see you back on the blog, Bill! You were greatly missed.

    I’m sorry to hear your medical status is still in limbo. I know what you mean about the waiting and not knowing being the most stressful part. I hope you get some answers soon.

    And I’m very sorry to hear you had such an upsetting event. I like your calming routine — I often ask myself a similar series of questions when something upsets me. I hope that the situation will get resolved. If that’s not possible, then I’d share with you the last question I ask myself in upsetting situations: “Is there anything I can do to change or fix or resolve this?” If the answer is no, then I just do my best to let it go and move on. Sometimes that takes longer than others.

  10. Esther says:

    Hi Bill!

    Thank you for sharing a part of you in every post you write. Even if they are far a part. Each one is important. Without you I would have missed the biggest belly laugh from ExpressionMom. Thank you both! Just what the doctor ordered. 🙂

    Your Friend,

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