Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Assuming


I am really noticing a difference in my breathing comparing this summer to last summer. The heat and humidity seem to have taken a little zip out of my step.

Last evening I notice the number of draft posts I have saved here on the site, geesh. It seems more and more, I am starting one of my big long winded rambling posts obvioulsy getting tired or something and end up just saving it to return later. It seems when I am returning I am forgetting the saved drafts and start anew only to repeat the process. I will return to them now and again maybe then I will be able to remember the direction I was headed with my ramble. Have to start keeping posts short enough to finish at the time or maybe just publish it as is and let anyone else finish it as they see fit.

In the early mornings and evening I spend time out on the front step. Getting some sun and people watching which is something I enjoy doing. A few days ago fairly early in the morning that is where I was. I noticed a young lady coming down the sidewalk to pass in front of me. As she came closer I could see she had some sort of a very detailed braid in the hair, more likely I suppose a bunch of little braids. It looked really nice and I was admiring it.

What happened next sort of caught me off guard or surprised me. Until that time I hadn’t even realized she was wearing some sort of light jacket which was open in the front. How that was brought to my attention was that she noticed me looking in her direction and immediately grabbed the sides of the jacket and pulled it closed tightly across her chest. She crossed her arms across her chest, put her head down and quickened her pace. I had actually intended on complimenting her on her hair but this all happened so quickly I didn’t get the chance.

This is where the assuming part comes in. It took a few minutes but it came to me.  From her actions I assume that she assumed I was looking at her breasts and well actually I wasn’t. I further assume that as she carried on down the street with thoughts along the line of: It is a sad thing when a woman can’t even walk down the street without a man “leering” at her boobs,  huh. Who knows, she may have even let an event like that spoil her whole day, I hope not.

Now I know we are never responsible to the actions or reactions or another only our own and I know i was looking at her braided hair. Isn’t it strange how we can let even the most brief and non verbal exchanges with strangers affect us when we assume we know the thoughts and/or motives of another? I have to admit that it does bother me a little, thinking I caused another to feel, I am not sure, uncomfortable, annoyed, who knows what. Simply by looking in her direction at her hair in this case.

This thought just hit me as I sit here. Men in general seem to have a nasty reputation for staring at, ogling or gawking at females and in total fairness in many many cases that reputation is well deserved. stereotyping any group is unfair assuming we know their thoughts at the time.

This equally applies to males as well as females. I have to wonder how many times we have made ourselves feel uncomfortable, annoyed or what ever by making assumptions? Hs it happened to you?

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3 Responses to Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Assuming

  1. starlaschat says:

    I think life in general can be pretty complicated. Assumptions are easy to make and sometimes so quick you hardly see them coming. I think the world is a visual place and add assumptions to this it can get complicated. Awareness. I try and keep in mind I never know what kind of day someone may be having or for that matter how I may be feeling any given day.It’s easy to assume about a lot of things. My friend once said about assuming, about receiving things or gifts. He said “Assume nothing and be grateful.” Ive thought about that idea a lot over the years.

    I have a back log at my blog of post started and not finished. I really should go in and do some blog house cleaning. It’s started to stack up. :+)

    “Assume nothing and be grateful”, such a short statement but the message is so powerful. Words to live our lives by.
    Thank you for sharing it with us.
    Bill

  2. souldipper says:

    When I was doing my world traveling as a young woman in 1966, I arrived at Victoria Station in London after a few months on the Continent. An elderly woman with the most exquisite, and incredibly wrinkled, face sat waiting for the train. My artist’s eye saw the raw beauty, the ingrained life, the depth of wisdom in her whole being. I stared at her with uninhibited awe. She turned her face away.

    I walked over to her and quietly told her I saw her wisdom…that she had just given me life’s most precious secret – all wrapped up in her soul’s beauty. I ran to catch the train.

    Nearly 40 years later, I feel sad about it, but I’m glad I spoke up. Hopefully my sincerity came through. BUT I don’t think she believed me.

    Kubler-Ross tells us to not stop ourselves from saying or doing that thing that comes from the heart.

    Thank you for your sensitivity, Bill. What a shame we can so quickly default on the negative. Your story reminds me to ‘investigate prior to condemning’.

    I thank you for sharing your experience with us. I also hope the sincerity of your message came through, it well may have brightened her day. It is sad that we some how seemed to have become tuned to defaulting to the negative. That causes us to miss out on so many of the wonders of life. Another truly wonderful thought: “not stop ourselves from saying or doing that thing that comes from the heart”. There is just so much to learn in life. Thankfully the teachers are out there for us all.

  3. Mel says:

    G’morning sir–I hope you enjoyed your morning step sitting. (great practice, btw–I do mine from the patio swing and it’s one of my favorite things to do)

    “Contempt prior to investigation” is one of those things that I got well practiced in. Assuming the worst of others and continually concluding there was ulterior motives in even the nicest of gestures just watered and fed the attitude I sported for a long time. I assumed everyone operated like I did…..with a ‘what’s in it for me’ motive.
    And that’s just not true.
    Go figure there’s a whole lot of loving, gracious people on the planet.

    I kinda chuckle when I get referred to as ‘Ms. Positive’ every once in a while. LOL I just don’t conclude/assume that everyone’s out to get something for nothing and wait for the knife to enter my back. I mean, who cares if it does. ‘Ouch….’ and keep moving is my answer. Love ’em anyway, ya know?

    I just can’t afford to live with that heaviness anymore. It rips me off, it rips other people off….and I can’t say that it takes any more energy to think the best of others than it does to think the worst of others. Actually, I’ve come to experience that it takes a whole lot less.

    So–it’s a beautiful morning…and I can hear the patio swing calling! 😉
    Enjoy your day, sir! Here’s hoping the heat/humidity are a bit more forgiving today.
    ((((((( Bill ))))))))

    Hi Mel, I did enjoy my morning step sit. Early in the morning the air is just filled with God’s music provided by hundreds of song birds, I love it.
    You are right this world of ours is just full of loving gracious people. The “according to Bill” stat on that is about 95% of the population fit into that group, loving and gracious. There is that remaining about 5% that cause us to keep out guard up. That is a shame as it causes us to miss out on so much and it does cause like a heaviness on our hearts. Assume the best of others until proven wrong many times over.

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