My doctors it seems have been wrestling with the decision as to what exactly to do with me. It has been decided for the moment anyway to do nothing, with follow up appointments towards the end of August.I have had no input into this decision but I do have complete trust and confidence in my doctors and their skills and ability.
It surprises me when I seem to surprise others by the way I am living my life. Example, the other day I was out cutting the grass and was at the time taking one of my rest breaks, huffing and puffing trying to catch my breath. A concerned neighbor approached me asking if I was OK and should I be doing this (cutting the grass). I thanked him for the concern and assured him I was just catching my breath.
That short exchange got me thinking. I am not dead yet and until I am, I am going to carry on living life as much as I can and that does include things like cutting the grass. Our home is just on a normal city sized lot. There was a time when I could cut the grass front and back in maybe half an hour. Now it takes me about 3 hours with all my little rest breaks, but so what. The important thing to me is I can still do it and I am still doing what I can. To me something as simple as cutting the grass is living life. That I am going to continue doing and if I have anything so say about it, I will still be cutting my grass years from now.
I am not sure if what I just said there makes much sense. Like, “whoopee he can cut his grass, big deal.” Well to me it is a big deal, cutting that grass does take a lot out of me. It would be much “easier” for me to just retreat to my comfy chair and spend the day between reading, watching TV and visiting the blog and there are MANY days when that is what I do. I am at peace with myself and content when that is how my day goes. I have come to realize as we all should that energy levels can vary from day to day, what I was able to accomplish yesterday may well beyond my ability today. That does apply to everyone in every day life. Do the best you can each day but don’t expect “perfection” each and every day. That is something though that families of terminal or very ill patients should understand. No that is something everyone should understand aboout everyone in life. I am doing the best I can today but that very well may not be the same as my best either yesterday or even tomorrow.
Very very few people want to die. They cherish their lives as they have them and don’t want to loose them. I ask this question, if you don’t want to give up your life as it is precious to you, why would you consider giving up really living it right up to that last breath? If we value our lives, our time so very much that we fear loosing it, why are we wasting so much of it? A moment spent in anger or any other feelings of negativity ar moments of potential happiness lost forever. Just think about that and let me know what you think.