I have copied over the reply I made to a heart felt comment left by Regina, yesterday. While I was in the comment section I actually read my responce and realized i really need the help of spell checker.
Hi Bill – i came across your blog last week, while searching for something to help me cope. my boyfriend is dying and has decided to not tell anyone. he is off enjoying life…his bucket list i suppose. he has shut me out of his life…apologizing for dragging me into his mess and suggests i just hate him. as awful as i feel for myself…i grieve for him. reading your words have brought me peace. describing grief as waves on the beach is so true. i am trying to adapt and process my new life and you are helping me. i pray for you and thank you.
<strong> Hi Regina and welcome to my blog. I am so very sorry to hear of your situation and of that of your boyfriend.It is such a tragic and painful situation for you both, you are in my prayers.
I am very glad my words were able to bring you some peace. Just hearing that makes all my efforts here worth while.
Regina, I remind you I am not a doctor, a man of the clergy or any sort of therapy. I am just a regular guy sitting at his computer sharing his thoughts based on personal experience. Remember free advice is usually worth about as much as you pay for it.
Facing death is likely the most difficult thing we will ever do while on this earth, especially so I suppose if it is our own. It is a very personal time filled with fear, dread and regret. Each of us in turn will deal with it in our own way. i don’t think there is an overall right of wrong way just individual and very personal ways to prepare yourself for your own passing, or even for the passing of a loved one.
I can’t explain you boyfriends chosen path other than to assume he is doing what he feels is right at this time. His thinking may change with time but then again it may not. That is up to him and really there is nothing anyone can do about it.
This is difficult and very painful for you, I know. You desperately want to be there to provide what ever support and comfort you can. For reasons of his own he is not ready or prepared to accept that. All you can do is step back, let him know your love and support is there for him if and when he is ready to accept it.
There is one very important thing you really must do. Take care of yourself. You are hurting, you are grieving Look to yourself,I am so very happy to hear you are working to adapt and process this new life of yours. Irregardless of what happens with your boyfriend you have a life to live. A life that will hopefully span many many years into the future, work towards making them healthy happy years for yourself. If at some point in time in the future your boyfriend’s thinking changes a health you will be able to provide him with even better support,if in fact still feel a need to do so. Just, please don’t let that possibility be your reason for working on yourself, do it for yourself.
On my blog roll listed on the right hand side of this page, you will see a site, hospice. I urge you to click on that site. It has a wealth of information for the families or loved ones of those with a terminal illness.
You are in my prayers and I wish you the very best. I hope you will feel free to return here to her blog and share on going thoughts and feelings as you progress though this most difficult time.
You are both in my heart, thoughts and prayers.
I thought I was finished, but this post has some deep meaning to me, something that I myself struggle with. Regina, I am not trying to speak for you boyfriend. I have no idea as to his thoughts. One part of your comment is something I really can relate to personally.He appolgized for dragging you into this mess of his. Those few words really hit home with me.
For reasons known only to the Good Lord, He has chosen to grant me extra time on this earth. I consider that to be a blessing as I know does my family. I am not sure how to word this but in a very minor way I suppose you could say it is a bit of a mixed blessing. What do I mean by that?I have said so very many times I believe it is harder on the families, forced to sit back helplessly, unable to do anything but watch, wait and worry. Vi has mentioned there have been times when she has been out shopping or what ever. When she has come home, she has been reluctant almost afraid to come into the house. afraid of how she will find me or I suppose better put would be in what condition would she find me. She fears coming in and finding me face down on the floor. I really do try my best to put everyone’s minds at ease but my reality is my reality. it could be said there is a “price” to be paid for everything. In this case I do know it is a “price” all are willing to pay.