Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Power of Prayer

Well I am up and at it with a little more clarity in the head and zip in my step. Doctors are continually telling me I am a complicated and confusing patient. The heart failure, the brain tumor and even the sleep apnea have many over lapping, similar symptoms. This makes it difficult for them to accurately determine what may be causing any particular symptoms I may have. In this recent bout increasing the air pressure on my CPAP machine replacing the face mask seems to have done wonders. Geesh, this stopping breathing thing while I am sleeping is a nasty habit I am going to have to work on. lol.

I haven’t been getting to the computer as much as usual or as much as I would like. I have checked in at times to read the wonderful comments left by so many of my wonderful blogging friends and family members. I have read and so appreciate everyone. I thank all that took the time to do so. I often get so far behind in responding to individual comments and emails that it is impossible for me to catch up. This is one big thank you to all.

It is a busy time around here right now. Vi is going at things like a whirlwind be it a whirlwind with a gimpy arm. This is her favorite time of the year. She has a real green thumb and loves planting flowers in the yard. She does do a wonderful job and the yard is beautiful when all her flowers come into bloom. With her wrist surgery coming up next Tuesday she is trying to get as much done now. It is just to early in our Manitoba growing season to really be able  to get much done. I can see where this is heading. Vi leisurely sitting in a lounge chair directing an old goat down on his hands and knees planting the flowers which undoubtedly he will get in the wrong place or plant to deeply or something. lol. and then will come the watering, ohhhhhh.

Now just because I have been away from the blog doesn’t mean I haven’t been thinking of it. I very often think of it and all my wonderful blogging friends. It got me thinking back to the very beginning of how it all started. Only once has a doctor ever given me a guesstimate of my longevity, “two years if I was lucky.” I was about a year or maybe a year and a half into that time frame and really convinced I didn’t have much time left. The brain tumor had been just discovered which was triggering epileptic seizures and I had to give up working going onto long term disability. Having had 4 heart attacks at that point my mind set wasn’t maybe the best, poor me. I went to bed every night wondering if I was going to wake up in the morning. In the morning I wondered if this would be my last day.

I “knew” I was dying and decided I should be preparing myself  to meet my Maker.  I prayed longer and harder than I ever had before. I read all sorts of books on death, dying and the afterlife. In all that reading, much of it discussed the reaction of family and friends to hearing the news a loved one was dying or had died. Many wanted to rush to the patients side and seemed to be grieving more if the death had been sudden and they were unable to say their good byes. Others though seemed to not even want to think about it and seemed to avoid all contact at any cost. That second reaction really  puzzled me. I mean, I am dying why would anyone want to avoid seeing me. I am exactly the same person I was yesterday. The only difference is a doctor gave a guesstimate of my time on this earth?????

During my prayer sessions, I prayed that God’s will be done with my life. I prayed for guidance as to how I could prepare myself and help my family prepare for what was to come. I have always been a great believer in Angels, Guardian Angels and Spirit Guides. Just looked for the book  but can’t find it. One of the books I read was by  Doreen Virtue.i was so very impressed as many of her thoughts reflected my own,she was just taking them to a much higher level and I learned much. In her book she spoke of Angel cards through which you can connect with Angels. I bought the cards and gave it a try. I played around with them asking some mundane questions and geesh the answers from the cards actually made sense to my situation. It was like I was afraid to ask the burning question on my mind.How much time do I have left on this earth. Ultimately I worked up my nerve and did ask that very question. I should explain there are I am not sure as I never counted them, but there must be 30 or 40 different cards each containing a different message as a response to your particular question with each one being very different. Not the sort of generic reply that really could be applied to fit any situation.

OK,question: how long do I have on this earth. Answer wording to the effect, “you have much you can teach from personal experience”.  Me: huh?

Try this again. Mix up the cards very thoroughly. Same question, same card came up as the answer. don’t understand this, really really shuffle, mixing the cards,  same card comes up as the answer.

Change question, what can I do to prepare myself for what lies ahead.Now I have mixed the cards, so much there is no way but up comes that same card. Whoa, this is like unreal.

Another question,  what can I do to help  prepare my family. Yup, up came that same card. THe odds of this card repeatedly coming up  like this must be astronomical. But, what could I teach, I have been a banker all of my life and how would i do it?

This is early in the morning. I get a cup of coffee and sit down to read the newspaper. The front page of the Winnipeg Free press covers the headlines of the stories within. It cites an article on blogging, its popularity and the uses of it, which can include teaching.  I don’t at that point even know what blogging is. I read the article and decide to head for the computer to check it out. Hey, it isn’t that hard to set up a blog, so why not  give it a try and see what happens. I said what has become my customary prayer asking for guidance in finding the words that may help someone, anyone.

Huh, here we are. What an amazing adventure this has been. I just checked the numbers. This is post #801, almost 6,000 wonderful comments and in the next week and a half or so we will reach a quarter of a million hits.

I am so grateful for all the loving support I have received, for all the prayers that have been said for me. The power of prayer is an awesome thing,  without which I doubt I would be here today. I thank God and I thank you