I received a comment from a cyber friend in need. As it was left on an earlier post I know many may not have read it. I ask please for prayers and support:
December 5, 2009 at 6:03 am |
Its 5 in the morning and Im sitting here at my computer and tears start to fall from my eyes.I`m 66 and I sit and wonder where are my friends ,and my mother and father.They are passing on in front of my eyes every day,and I wonder ,why.I had a kidney removed from cancer, and also a heart attack,and I know that soon I will be joining them.I don`t know if I am feeling sorry for myself or if I am afraid to leave this world and afraid for my family.I`ve raised 6 children. All are grown,except one.Shes only 15.I ask my self,was I a good father,a good husband,and did I do the best that I could have done,with my life? Should I have not hated so much,some of the things I did because they didn`t satisfy me, or was I just a mean person? I don`t know.I lost my best friend last year and think of him every day.I lost my parents 9 years ago and I miss them so much.I get calls more closer together then ever before of friends, or relatives,or ex classmates that have passed on,and the hurt gets worse,and the tears fall more. I find myself talking to JESUS every day and wonder if maybe I am just trying to get closer to heaven or am I preparing myself for was is about to come for me? I think about people that I have hurt thruout my life,even with maybe a small insult,and I beg in my heart for forgiveness,and I don`t even remember who I`ve hurt or where they are so that I could tell them that I am sorry.Well,where ever they are,I hope they can hear me,and forgive me.However,I now will prey for God to take me quick when he decides to,and ask him to protect my family and friends and the world has I know it.
Hi gaetano, welcome to the blog. I thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and feelings.
You have worded your message in such a way that I can almost feel your pain, worry and fear. I can so easily relate to and understand what you are saying. I have gone through and am still going through everything you have described. All I believe are normal human reactions.
My friend you say you had a kidney removed due to cancer and you had a heart attack. May I ask what is your current prognosis that lead you to believe you will soon be joining your family and friends that have already passed? Past events as difficult as they may have been don’t necessarily have to affect our current situation.
Irregardless, you are such a difficult spot, my heart goes out to you. You raise a lot of very good questions, questions all will all at some point be asking themselves. Speaking for myself, never have regrets weighed so heavily on my shoulders.. I have come to realize I can’t change the past any more than you can.
Gaetano, I am not trying to imply anything about you or how you lived your life, I don’t even know you. I can only speak for myself when it comes to dealing with regrets. I can’t change past events, nor can I change the person I used to be. I may once have acted in a certain way, but that doesn’t mean I have to do that today. All I can change is how I act today.
Gaetano, I ask you to please think of something. Since I don’t know you or your circumstances I will use my own situation as an example. I know my days on this earth are numbered and that sucks.
I have to remind myself, maybe the doctors have told me I am dying. BUT, I AM NOT DEAD YET. I still have some living to do and I am doing my best at it. Daily, I have a choice to make. I can either choose to get up and live the day in the very best way I can.Or, I can just curl up in a ball, stay in bed and really give up on life before it really ends.
Let’s talk more my friend, how are you managing to deal with your situation? Email on its way.