Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Act of kindness for yourself


Over the past 3 years of blogging, I must have asked all to perform random acts of kindness at least 4 or 5 times, don’t remember. I am doing it again but with a bit of a switch. First off though please take just a moment and really think about this. When was the last time you did something for yourself? We are all on the busy treadmill of life, rushing to get through our day, helping others, caring for others, doing our jobs. The pace of life seems unending and to ever quicken, we push ourselves harder and harder.

There is a fine line here somewhere. I belief that in life we do have to push ourselves ot some extent. By that I do not mean push ourselves to work harder or put in more hours at it. It is not a physical pushing of our bodies as an endurance test that I am talking. It is pushing our internal selves to grow as we all strive to become better people and learn the lessons of life. No matter how long we work at it or how much effort we put into it, we can never really learn all that this life has to teach us. If we actually did by some chance we would all be Saints. I can’t speak for how anyone else may see themselves, you may be a living, breathing, walking and talking Saint. For myself I realize I have a long long journey ahead of me before I could come anywhere close to that.

I believe we are Spiritual beings put on this earth with both missions to accomplish a lessons to learn. What are these lessons? Things like, learning how to truly love, how to accept being loved, patience, sympathy……….. That is an almost endless list. This journey we call life could be compared to a classroom. Are we squandering our class time, missing out on opportunities to learn these so important lessons. Are we really so “set” in our ways or truly so busy that by the time the physical day winds down we are just to tired to do anything more. It is here and only here I believe we have to push ourselves. As we learn and grow, we come to see our lives and the world differently. Our priorities become clearer and possibly with this our physical world will become a little less frantic.

I am not sure where I got this from, it is too good to be a Bill original but this is something I do try to live my life by: “Our Heavenly Father, sees us as but human beings, having all the frailties and weaknesses that come with that. As such He does not expect us to be perfect, BUT, He does expect us to keep trying.” To me that pretty much says it all. Keep trying, I just can’t imagine would include things like trying to figure out how to be able to put in a few extra hours a week at work.

Here I am at it again asking for gifts of kindness. This time though I am asking you to give that gift or kindness to yourself. There are such great demands on our time, the job, the family. Usually we prioritize them all above ourselves. Do something for yourself, anything, it doesn’t have to be even all that big, just something. Give yourself even a few minutes of you time. I can imagine there are some that may read this that will read it an suddenly realize, “gee, I don’t even really know what I could do for “me time”. That shows how alien that very thought can become to our minds.

Here is but one idea, something I enjoy. Find a spot where you can have even 10 or 15 minutes of uninterrupted quiet time. Might have to be after the kids are in bed or when ever. If you really look you will find the time. Even take the phone off the hook for that few minutes.

Settle yourself in a very comfortable chair with some quiet relaxing music playing in the background. Actually I have a couple of CD’s with nature sounds which I like to use. I like the sound of waves crashing on a beach.

When first sitting down I make a conscious effort to relax my body, letting to of all of the stress and pressure of the day. I try to rid my mind of all of these thoughts for that few minutes. They will still be there when I am finished, I can still work on finishing them when I am done. I just want to rid my mind of them for this few minutes.

I take a very quick mental inventory of my body, trying to let go of any stress I am carrying there. I start with my feet and work my way upward. I try to let go of my legs, letting them become nothing but heavy weights on the chair. I work my way up my body doing the same. For me stress likes to hang out in my neck and shoulders. I do my best for this time to just let it go, let my shoulders sag, droop, my head may even sag to one side. Basically, I want my body to become like a limp rag doll.

I then start to concentrate on my thinking, my ever whirling mind. For this mere few minutes I want to rid my mind of all thoughts of the day. I start to listen to and concentrate only on the sound of the waves. I envision myself sitting near a beach as the waves come rolling in. This take practise as my pesky mind keeps wanting to bring up thoughts of the day. When this happens I just gently push those thoughts away and return my thoughts to the waves on the beach. It does take a little practise keeping my thoughts under control if only for those few minutes but it does get easier.

This is but one of the forms of Bill meditation, If you have never tried it, you may well scoff at the idea. If you have never tried it, I challenge you to try it 3 or 4 times, I mean really try it, I am willing to bet you will be surprised at the results you get.

Huh, this is a post I have poked away at bit by bit over 3 days. Not really sure how well I kept the same thought process going. Hey, it is my journal so I write it as it comes to me.

Apologies to all as I so often seem to get, I am behind in responding to comments. Please know I do read and apprecaite every one. I will be responding asap.

****Note to all. I think it is the first time I have ever deleted a comment. Well one that I didn’t think was just spam. What is posted are your thoughts and I respect that. I have even let stand the few that are less than flattering to myself. I will not allow any comments to remain that I consider to be derogatory to anyone else or ones that contain what I consider inappropriate sexual overtones or innuendoes  to them. To the person out there that left me the comment this morning and read this. Your comment is gone, you will now know why.*****

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8 Responses to Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Act of kindness for yourself

  1. Jaymie says:

    I generally try to start and end my day with a few minutes of me time. Meditation is something I have let slide lately. Thank you for reminding me how refreshing it can be for the soul. Have a day of beauty Bill.

    Hi Jaymie, I hope you had a beautiful day also. Too often I tend to let the meditation fall by the wayside. I need it.

  2. Doraz says:

    I struggled with this for years! I was always doing for others, and did not even think about myself. Then one day, I was thinking….”Why not me, too?” So, now I manage..on a daily basis…to do for others, as well as myself. It works out nice! Thanks for your reminder to us! 🙂 Have a great day smiling!

    Hi Doraz, thank you for the good wishes for the day. I hope your day was the same.
    You have found the balance between giving and receiving, good for you my friend

  3. Mel says:

    222,506.

    Seriously, Bill….
    TWO HUNDRED TWENTY TWO THOUSAND…..
    WOW!

    If that doesn’t speak to just an ounce of power of sharing your story—wow…

    Oh.
    And this ‘doing for me’ stuff….. Yeah, well–I figure I have some making up to do on that front. I spent a large chunk of my life doing for selfish, selfcentered, self absorbed MEMEME. And overabundance of it–and created wreckage in lots of lives.
    I figure I’m a poor judge and I just let The Big Guy take care of that one.

    I get some balance–every once in a while there’s a ‘lull in the action’ and I grab sidewalk chalk, a bottle of bubbles….and I have at it!
    Otherwise–I keep my hand out of that till.

    We do have ‘ocean’ CD’s…..and rainforests….and I do an awful lot of meditation (it’s ‘required’ dontchaknow…..LOL).

    TWO HUNDRED TWENTY TWO THOUSAND!!!!

    Holy moley…….

    Wow, Mel you have me thinking here that is almost a quarter of a million hits. I am not sure what I am feeling, a little confused still as to the why, humbled but happy all at the same time.
    Mel, I don’t know what you were like in the past. I just know now you are a kind and giving person. This is obvious.

  4. Wow an act for moi? Huh this sounds harder than the stranger one.. I’d sure love to treat myself to absolute quiet for 6 hours straight, no tv, no radio, no person, not even a bird outside my window… Now that would be heaven:)

    If 6 hours of quiet is what you would like. Try to arrange it, work it out. I am sure you can do it my friend

  5. Leslie says:

    dear Bill,
    A close friend recommended I read your blog. I am so please to have been directed to you. Person by person you are leading the world to be a better place. Could there only be more souls in this world with the wisdom and courage you are showing us all.
    What you write is so positive and upbeat, it is so easy to forget that as you write you know you are dying.
    You are setting the example, leading the way, showing me how I want to live out my last days. For several years I have had cancer, treatments have not worked and I am not considered to be in stage 4. The hospice stage. I so struggle to get control of my emotions. I go from being reasonably content one minute to a cry mess the next. I have begun to turn my family away from visits when I am the crying mess, I don’t want them to see me in this way. I do so want there lasting memories of me to be of a loving gran, not a crying old lady.
    You are doing so much while dealing with so much. Please if what I am asking is to forward or seems even rude to you, please forgive me.
    Right now I see you as my shining star leading me to a peaceful end. I so envy your attitude and courage. I hope I can leave this world as bravely as you are. Would you please consider writing some of you posts on how it is you are able to deal with the knowledge you are dying. I know it would help me so. I imagine there are others that read your writing in a situation like mine.
    If what I am asking is to personal or to difficult for you, please just ignore this message and forgive my intrusion
    Leslie

    Hi Leslie, welcome to the site. I am so glad you found your way here.
    Our diseases may be different but the prognosis is the same. I can related directly to the feelings you are having. I hope that possibly here via the internet we can join hands and walk this final leg of our physical journey together. I would be proud to do so.
    I am glad to see that no where in your comment did you use the word dying. Even though it is a word contained in the title of my own blog, I hate using it in referring to myself or others. I look at it as I am more than this body of mine. The true me is the spirit contained within this body. Our bodies may be showing some serious wear and tear and even be crumbling around us. For me that is the very key to how I deal with it. My body may be crumbling, but I am not. I am still in here and I am doing just fine.
    Man oh man can I relate to what you are saying about wanting to leave the family with good memories.I look at it, I want to leave the final memories which can be lasting to be good and positive. I don’t want those last memories to be of a scared old grouch who made everyone life miserable in his last days. I imagine every single person on this planet would want that, but there are days when it is just so very hard to do. I am not sure how you will feel about this but I do believe it is in fact much harder on the families as they are forced to sit by helplessly.
    I read the comment from our dear blogging friend Planet City directed to you. Please read what she has said. We were indeed blessed to have shared the company of Sarah Jordon as she faced her situation in many ways similar to yours.
    My friend, I am going to contact you directly by email. I hope you don’t mind, we have so much we can share.
    I invite you no, I ask you to please return here and share your on going feelings with us all. Here you will find a loving very supportive community of friends always willing to support a friend in need.
    You are in my heart, thoughts and prayers.
    Bill

    PS Hi Leslie, I did try to send you an email but it wouldn’t go through. Do I have your correct email address.
    Bill

    • planetcity1 says:

      Leslie:

      Welcome to the blog. Bill will, of course, reply as soon soon as he reads your comment. Until then, I would like to direct you to two posts written by another blogger who was in the situation you are presently in. The first is when she announced to us that she was dying; and the last is when she signed off for the final time. Her name was Sarah Jordan. Look in the comments to find her posts:

      https://hudds53.wordpress.com/2009/04/04/dying-mans-daily-journal-respect-lost/

      https://hudds53.wordpress.com/2009/07/10/dying-mans-daily-journal-gone-for-a-few-days/#comments

      Sarah also commented in other posts during her time with us, but Bill doesn’t have a keyword search thingie on the site, so one would have to Google her name plus Dying Man’s Daily Journal to see the addys for those listings.

      I’m glad you joined us, and I thank your friend for giving you the addy to the site.

      PC I thank you for this, that big kind heart of yours just keeps showing through.

    • Mel says:

      *sending warmth and peacefilled thoughts to you*

      Leslie–

      I’m so glad that you were willing to reach out and just say what’s true for you right now. Sometimes it’s harder than hard to just let ourselves truly BE where we are, yaknow?
      It’s okay to have those moments of sadness and fear….of messiness… and it’s okay to want to protect the ones we love from all of it. I’m sure they know it’s bourne out of love for them. I’m also sure their time with you is so precious that it doesn’t matter to them, yaknow? Being able to walk through it with you might be a difficult thing in some aspects, but in other aspects– it might be the connectedness that each of you need right now.

      Hospice workers are wonderful people with a love for others that is outstanding. They will help you and those who love you…I know they’ll do this with dignity and grace.

      And if there’s ways we can be of help, ways to be supportive of you and your family….we want to do that. We’d be honoured…..truly…..

      Thank you Mel so very well said

  6. Leslie says:

    Sir:
    I am speaking to you on behalf of Leslie’s family. Our mother is in a very weakened and vulnerable condition at this time. We are uncomfortable having her converse with a stranger off the internet, If you have a message for her put it on your site and we will see she reads it. Thank you

    Hello to Leslie’s family. My sympathies go to all as you face this very difficult time.
    I will obviously respect your wishes. I can also understand your concern and wanting to protect your mother. To you I am a stranger off the internet. I do assure you my intentions were and are good.
    I did in fact try to send your mother an email that would not go through. I will publish the body of the message as my post for today.
    I invite you, your mother and entire family to join us here on the blog. Please at least read a few entries before making your decision.
    My best to you.
    Bill

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