Dying Man’s Daily Journal – See the world as it really is

Not feeling so very spry today. Wasn’t feeling so good yesterday and felt really guilty. Brother-in-law Henri was over to help with some painting, I basically just laid around watching him. Thank you Henri.

Something thought just seemed to hit me like a ton of bricks last evening. It was not a fun night last night. Let’s just say I spent a lot of time in the bathroom, with both ends in action. For the first time ever, I have had to postpone a doctors appointment. I was supposed to see my cardiologist this morning but had to reschedule .

Have been fighting some sort of a bug for over 3 months now. Doctor’s can’t seem to put a finger on exactly what it is. I think I just picked up a flu bug.Hey, speaking of flu bugs. Here in Manitoba anyway, daily we are getting information on this apparent possible pending N1H1 pandemic and of how the government and health official are prepared for it. Huh, on Monday I was turned away from a community clinic giving the vaccinations for it. It seems we have already run out of the shots. Knowing they were running out they came up with a priority list as to who would and wouldn’t get them. On that list are people with chronic health conditions, well that is me. BUT, because of this shortage the list was amended to people with chronic health conditions who are 55 years old or younger. I am 56, geesh.

Oh well, I pray daily to have God’s will done in my life. The shot I would have received obviously went to someone else in greater need than I, so be it. This shortage is only very temporary and I will get my needle in due time. This is another one of those things that I so often write about There are always 2 ways to look at every thing.

There is nothing I can do about this shortage. So, I have a choise to make. I can get my shorts in a wad, get mad, jump up and down, getting all stressed andย  making myself really miserable, and then get my needle when the new shipment arrives. Or, I can just relax and think to myself. Well this isn’t the way “I” thought things were going to go. Oh, well, I guess I will just get it in a few days when the new shipment arrives.

Either choise that I make won’t change the end result, being when I do get the vaccination. What will change though is the quality of life, the enjoyment I get out of life during the time I am waiting.

It seems like forever, that I have had this 2 ways you can look at things idea in my head. This may sound strange and maybe it is, I don’t know. Overall, I would have to say that this whole “dying” experience has been beneficial to me. First off, hey I haven’t died yet now that is a really big one for me.ย  It truly has changed my way of thinking and the way I see the world. The change is remarkable, it really is like I am seeing through new or a different set of eyes. Through these eyes I see such a beautiful and wonderful world. It is the same world that has always been there, I just couldn’t seem to see it before. Does that mean I am suddenly blind to the problems or issues in the world today, of course not. It is just now, I see that nothing is as “bad” or “hopeless” as I may have previously seen.

I have been so blessed, so lucky to have had my eyes opened to really see the world as it is. For this I thank God.

Wow, I started this post off intending for it to be only a few lines saying I wasn’t feeling so well and would get up my kindness post tomorrow. In my usual rambling way I have just carried on.


12 Responses to Dying Man’s Daily Journal – See the world as it really is

  1. Jaymie says:

    Two ways. It reminds me of the choice to assume the best or the worst of others. Either way you usually get what you are expecting. I like it when big things like this are simple. Two ways.

    Hi Jaymie, I also like to keep things simple. Now obviously there are individual situations that this may not apply. But, I find in the vast majority of life issues, there are two ways to look at it. Makes my life easier

  2. Roads says:

    Hey Bill, I’m certain that such perspective is a great gift, regardless of the cost.

    Best wishes from London, and spirits up.

    Hey Roads my friend, it is so nice to hear from you. It has been a long time and I have missed you. Hope all is well with you.

  3. Doraz says:

    Well, you have made me very thoughtful. I have always felt, since my dad died over 20 years ago..suddenly…that life is too short. I have learned to enjoy the beauty in life, because I never know when my number will come up. No one does. It does not mean that I do not see the “ugly” in life, it just means I choose to enhance the “beauty” in life. Hope you feel better soon! There is always the next~~~~~ ๐Ÿ™‚

    Hi Doraz, our think is right in line. Get the most out of life, enjoy it as much as we can, while we can. I don’t thing age is a factor for a person that is dying, no matter how old one is, they will see their lives as being too short.

  4. I don’t mean to be glib or insensitive, but as someone who cannot have this vaccine due to allergies to its albumen base, and as someone who would NOT get this vaccine even if i was not allergic to its contents–Why do you want it? If you’re already experienced the virus your body is already producing antigens to fight it.
    Okay–just a question of pratical nature is all.

    Now–why do you suppose the world is looking so different to you these days?
    Is it all because of dying?
    Death is the ticket to the next adventure—have you missed this adventure or is it still unfolding for you?

    I hope by the time you read this that you’re more comfortable physically than during your bathroom visits.

    What new and wonderful ‘think’ did you ‘see’ this day?

    Hello 47whitebuffalo, welcome to the site. You have asked some very good questions and I thank you for that. I will try to answer them in the order presented.
    First about the flu shot. I appreciate your position with the allergies and all. You ask why would I want to get the shot as I am already experiencing it, good point. Well my body is definitely experiencing something with flu like symptoms. As it has dragged on for almost 3 months I don’t really think it is the flu. Even if it was the flu, I would still want to get the shot when available. There are, I don’t know hundreds maybe thousands of varieties, strains or mutations of the flu. How could I know if the particular flu I had and had developed the antibobies for was in fact this N!H! strain. Please allow me to ask you a question. Now, I am most certainly not trying to challenge your individual decision, but I am curious. Putting the allergies aside, why would you not want to get a shot that could possibly have the potential to save your life?
    Why do I suppose the world is looking different to me and do I think it is because of the dying? Good questions but difficult to answer as I don’t really know for sure. Before all of this, I was caught up on the treadmill of life. Working long hours always too busy to slow down just enough to see life as it was. As it seems most of the world is, I was just seemingly fighting to get through each day as it came. Totally wrapped up in my own little world being the issue of the moment. I thought I was too busy to see beyond the moment. I was so wrapped up in my own little life that heart attacks didn’t even slow me down. Now I can look back and see how stupid I was at the time. Shortly after we discovered the brain tumor that is located in the area that effects my judgement. I like to think it was the tumor and not me being just plain stupid.
    For me, I had to hear the “you are dying” words before I sat up and paid attention.
    Now, my reality is I know I may not have a tomorrow, I may not even have this afternoon. In that way really I am no different than anyone else, life is a gift, never a given. It seems most take tomorrow for granted, the difference I think is I do not take it for granted, I appreciate what ever time I have and am trying to make the best of it and the most of it. I can now look back over my life and remember individual situations that at the time had me really in a dither, now I just think, geesh, why did I get so crazy over something that really is so small in the big picture of life. I admit there have been and still are times when I hear people complaining of their lives. I hear what they are complain about and just think to myself. Relax, that is not a big deal. Think about what it is that has you so wired up and then ask yourself would you like to trade places with me. That is suppose in my own humble and bumbling way is the message I am trying to get across here on this blog. Life is beautiful, relax and enjoy it. Look at the big picture instead of just the individual situation you may be facing at this moment. Look at issues not as problems but as opportunities to grow and learn from,
    I totally agree with you. Death is the ticket to the next adventure in the on going cycle of life. Do I fear it? NO. My life has been an adventure and I consider myself a lucky man to have had everything in my life to this point. I am content to be where I am at this moment. Is the adventure still unfolding before me? YES and it will continue to do so until my last breath.
    What new and wonderful thing did I see in my day? Well your comment was posted yesterday. Now my yesterday wasn’t my best day, I was not feeling well at all. In your mind it is difficult when in a day like that to see beyond that moment. At times like this a message can sometimes thankfully come from deep within. that message, I am a lucky man. I may not be feeling so spry at this moment but I know by tomorrow I will be feeling better. What I am experiencing for this short time is the daily reality of many, today and tomorrow as various diseases ravage their bodies.
    Now, don’t take me wrong, I am not trying to imply I have all this down pat or totally mastered. I struggle with it daily, but I am getting better at it. God, sees us all as being human and as such I am sure doesn’t expect perfection. He does though I believe expect us to keep trying and that is all I am doing.
    Wow, I just realized that in my typical Bill style I really got on a ramble here. I have a busy day ahead of me and I think I am going to copy this and put it up as my post for today. I know many that sign in don’t always read the comments. That is sad as more often than not, there is much more wisdom in the comments than in anything I can share.
    Have a good day and I hope to hear more back from you.

    • Hi Bill,
      Hope you found some beauty in your day.
      Appreciate much your thoughtful reply to my queries. Now-to respond to your question as to why I would NOT take the vaccine–simple–I let Nature take its course. With my allergies there are NO shots to take or other medical games to play with drugs or cures etc. So–I have learned to live and endure and deal with this body chemistry. It’s made me very aware and mindful of all sorts of choices–from what I eat and wear to what I breathe and touch etc…In effect I am atuned to what’s happening in my bio-chemistry perhaps more than most people. A few years back I had the most awful flu–nothing stayed ‘in’–not even water–lost over 6 pounds in 3 days. Was almost as bad as my worst allergic reaction ever. Almost. Now the upside has been that my immune system apparently learned a thing or two naturally. Since then I’ve been around people who have had other rotten strains of flu–rotten in that they were bedridden for days and unable to even drag themselves to work. Since my bout with the BAD flu–I have NOT experienced another round of flu illness. From what I understand about immune systems–apparently by fighting off, enduring that really awful strain of flu my bodie now has its own defence system against some bad flu strains. And this is precisely what vaccines do–they introduce an amount of the strain into your system so that your body learns how to combat it. So–why mess with what our bodies already know how to do better than any scientist–cause they do NOT have all the answers nor complete comprehension of our bodies–their God complexes to the contrary.
      I wish you well–and many wonderful explorations along your journey.

      I am sorry to hear of your conditions but congratulate you on how you have learned to deal with them.
      I wish you well my friend,

  5. Bill I love your way of thinking because really worrying about something you have no control over will just stress you out and I’ve always thought of stress as an infection that sticks inside your chest and grows till it swallows you whole… I love your thinking mate;)
    And the way you’re living your life to the full is amazing.

    Thank you

  6. Mel says:

    Yup……back to my first lesson from WPIML. There’s more than one way to look at things.

    I have the power of choice–and my attitude is all MINE. I’ll be danged (since I’m such a control freak) if I’ll let someone or something else determine that for me. (though sometimes I DO like to play the blame game…..LOL..I have my finer moments too!!)

    Just….a question and a silly thought.
    Have they considered the trauma that’s been done to your body and the possibility that you’ve damaged the little villi in the lower quandrant? Or whatever those furry little fellas are that absorb the nutrients and process ‘stuff’…LOL Maybe it’s a simple matter of laying off the gluten stuff for a while.
    JUST sayin’…….or…maybe I’m looking for some company along the way? ๐Ÿ˜‰

    I do hope today was a better day for you, sir!

    Hi Mel, am experimenting with different foods, seeing how my body reacts to them.

  7. Hola Bill,

    To live and see the beauty all around…even at the worst of times. It is a gift most don’t wake up in time to see. I am sorry you are not feeling well but I see your spirit is awake and alive like a tree by the river.

    I thank you and am happy to say I am feeling much better now.

  8. cocorue says:

    Hey Bill, I trust you are feeling better today.

    The choice is ours….everyday I wake up and tell myself that the day will be a happy one because I want it to be and subconciously I WILL it to be

    Even when things go wrong, I try to look at the positives……..some days I fail but I try to look the other way

    You know, WE ( yes, YOU )are the secret ingredient that makes our lives special…think about it

    Your choice, no one else’s….

    you are so right we choose our attitude that in turn affects so much of our lives. Are we always successful, maybe not, but always keep trying, keep working at it.
    Nice to be hearing from you

  9. Good Morning Bill,

    I hope you woke up feeling much better today! I was curious if you enjoy reading. I have a book I would love to send you if you haven’t read it. The book is “Neither Wolf Nor Dog” by Kent Nerburn. It is a wonderful read about an Indian elder that was given the gift of “sight” much as you have been. I have given numerous copies of this book away and everyone always loves it. He has just this month released the sequel “The Wolf at Twilight” and it looks to be wonderful too. Let me know where I can send it if you are interested. I would be honored to share it with you.

    I am very touched by your kind offer to send me a copy and I do thank you so very much for this kind offer. As kind and generous as your offer is, I feel I must respectfully decline it. Over the time of the blog I have received similar such kind offers and have declined each in turn. What I share on the blog comes from my heart, written with no expectation of any sort of return.
    On the blog I have on numerous occasions: my birthday, anniversaries at different times have asked readers to perform random acts of kindness. Ones that come straight from the heart, where no gain or recognition is expected in return. Likely, I am giving myself way to much credit here. I sometimes read that my words have helped someone, hearing that is all I ask in return.
    I know what is in my heart, the message I am trying in my own way to get out. Possibly, I am being silly or what ever I don’t. I don’t want to accept gifts or any of the offered awards, This even sounds crazy to me as I write it but I want nothing to change the feeling in my heart. Would accepting gifts do that I don’t know, but don’t want to risk it.
    I do hope you understand. I thank you for directing me to this book I will certainly get a copy
    I am so very glad you have joined our little blogging community. I hope you will visit and share your thoughts with us often.
    I thank you so very much.

  10. Jill says:

    Hope you are feeling better today. If this has been going on 3 months ask your doctor to check you for CDIFF. My husband’s aunt has been fighting this for over a month and is now in the hospital. She developed it after she had taken antibiotics.

    Here is what the internet says about it: Clostridium difficile infectious diarrhea occurs secondary to a toxin produced by this bacterium. Acquisition of C. difficile occurs most frequently in elderly persons in hospitals or nursing homes, potentially due to environmental contamination with C. difficile and carriage of the spores on the hands of hospital personnel. Patients often develop diarrhea after antibiotic therapy. Most antibiotics have been implicated in the development of C. difficile infection.

    Hi Jill, appreciate the suggestion, have been checked for it. Doc thinks with my diabetes it is my body reacting to different foods??

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