Well here we are, November 1st.. There have been times in the past when I literally did not think I would live to see this day.
Only once has a doctor ever given me a time estimate on how long I may have left. I was given 2 years if I am luck, and here we are a full 6 years later. Now for me anyway that is indeed reason to celebrate.
A lot has change over this past 6 years. The biggest change has come within myself, my thinking, my way of looking at things. It is a full 6 years ago that I got the “big news”. For me anyway, hearing the words, you are dying coming out of your doctors mouth, tends to take the wind out of your sails for a bit. It must have been something like a good year or so that it took me to get my head wrapped around that idea. It was a process that took time, my thinking began to change to evolve and still is to this day. I realize now that reflects spiritual and emotional growth an ongoing process that will never end, well until I end here in my present physical form.
I have so many people to thank, with out the love and support I have received, I would not be here to write this. First and foremost is my family, I am such a very lucky man to have been blessed with the family I have. Vi and my two daughters, Billie and Shauna. I have put them through so much. I know it is so much harder on the families. They are forced to stand by watching and waiting, feeling helpless, unable to do anything to help. Little do they realize how much of a help and a boost it is just having them at my side. A special prayer for them please. I am not even sure how many times it has been but it must be at least 15 or 20 times that Vi has rushed me to the hospital. Often having to drag me out of the door as I kick and scream about not wanting to go. She is then forced to sit in the waiting room, waiting nervously as I have been rushed to emergency. It is harder on the families and I am so grateful to mine and at the same time sorry to be putting you through all of this. I love you and I thank you.
My two brothers Eric and Robin so supportive. Eric living close by has been called upon so so many times for help and support. He is always there for me and I thank him so much. I can almost see him wincing when ever he hears I am taking on another project, just because “I” can. My brother, sister and sister-in-law far away in South Africa always so supportive from afar. So many of my cousins have stepped up when needed. I will always have a warm glow in my heart as I remember the lawn seeding party. Vi’s family so supportive, her brother Henri a true Earth Angel.
So many doctors, nurses and all sorts of medical personnel have kept me going. They are all so gifted, talented and a blessing to me.
What has this “bonus” 4 years given me. Well if my math is correct it has given me 1,461 wonderful days, I have cherished and appreciated everyone of them. Should I not have had this time I would not have had the heart melting experience of spending time with my two grand daughters. Both are such beautiful little princesses. Within my heart princesses they will always be. Vi’s daughter Lynelle delivered young master Seth, to join his big sister Sadie. I have been so truly blessed.
What else has happened, well I had another heart attack, and the good news is I survived again.
One of the big events of this past 4 years is, I STARTED BLOGGING. What a wonderful experience this has been. This journal has been one of the most wonderful experiences of my life. I am not even sure how to describe my feelings about this whole experience. I feel humbled, in awe, amazed and so very grateful. Plainly put, I don’t really understand it all. I am not a writer, I have never claimed to be one, yet somehow my ramblings seem to be able to at time help others. Of that I am very glad, but somehow can’t seem to feel deserving of the credit I at times am given. I don’t plan my posts, I don’t research them, I don’t proof read them or anything. When I think of it I do use spell checker but that is it.
All credit should go to our Heavenly Father. Prior to writing anything I always say a short prayer. I ask for guidance in writing something that may help someone, anyone this day. I pray that that person be guided to the blog on that day to receive His message. Let’s give credit where it is due which is really not to me.
I was going to thank individuals that have contributed so very much to the blog via their various comments. I realized though that no matter how had I tried being memory guy I would miss some. You know who you are, you know what you have contributed and I thank you so very much. I feel in some ways that I do owe you my life. Prayers have been said for me from all over the world, for which I am so grateful. The loving supportive comments have meant so much to me, on some days have kept me going. I owe you all so very much, more than I can ever hope to repay.
In ways it almost seems the blog has become my purpose for being. Or at least in my mind it gives me a purpose for being.
This has been a bit of an ego booster I admit. I have been called brave, courageous, inspirational and so much more. These comments I think must have been intended for someone else but wordpress got the lines mixed and they came to me by mistake. But, hey I am a guy and what guy doesn’t like to hear those things. I have been interviewed by the Oprah show, by documentary producers from the Discovery Channel, another from L.A. and one from England. Three separate people have contacted me about writing a book about me and the blog. Way back at the very beginnings of the blog, Ms. Lyndor Reynolds did a article on me in the Winnipeg Free Press. I am left speechless thinking, do these people really know who they are talking to, I am just me.
Since the very beginning of the blog, I have tried in my own way to focus on several different areas that in my current health situation I now see differently than I did in the past. Can we learn from the mistakes of others, I don’t know. If I write about how I see things now and of the mistakes I made in the past, will anyone learn or benefit. I don’t know but I can try. That is all any of us can do in life is try our best.
I have tried to inspire people to live life. I mean live it in a way that realizes the wonder of life and not to just endure it, endlessly plodding through one day after the next. Appreciate the time you have while you have it. A moment wasted in anger is a moment of joy lost forever. Life is a gift appreciate it and enjoy it, don’t sweat the small stuff.
I have talked about dying, facing your own passing or that of a loved one. Those with a terminal illness I try to encourage to live life to the fullest right to the end. If we allow it to happen we can stop living long before our bodies give out.
I have written to the families of the dying. Theirs is the toughest role of all. I have written to those who fear visiting a dying loved one.
I think I have shared my thoughts about just about everything one could think of. I always give the reminder, I am not a doctor, nor a therapist or a clergyman. I am just me, sharing my thoughts based on my experiences.
Way back some where I remember being asked if I thought I could change the world. I sort of felt a little embarrassed and laughed it off. Come on me change the world, now that is really a big LOL.
If I was asked that question again today, I would say, YES, I think I have changed the world. Now I imagine that has some laughing or thinking what a big ego this jerk has. I explain. We seem to have the idea that to change the world, we would have to bring about world peace or find a cure for cancer or something on that scale. Now there is no question those things would be wonderful to do. But, for many of use such acts are just beyond our grasp. That, though doesn’t mean just because I can’t do something big, I won’t do anything at all. We do what we can, we keep trying, and little by little collectively we can make a real change.
Kindness rules the world. It fills almost every heart, there is more than enough to go around. We just need to find ways to share it to show it. One definition of insanity is for us to keep doing the same thing in the same way day after day and then still be disappointed when the end result hasn’t change. We need to bring change within ourselves. Learn to show and share the kindness that is already contained with in us. I have challenged people to take 5 minutes a week to look for and then perform an act of kindness, the what the who the where, none of that matters. What matters is that you did it as an act of love directly from your heart. I know we are all busy but come on 5 minutes a week.
As I have done in the past I have asked for gifts on my special occasions. This anniversary is a special occasion for me. When you join me for the celebration please tell me of any random act of kindness you may have performed.
My blogging friends, I thank you so very much for being there for me, when I have needed you the most. Daily you are in my heart thoughts and prayers.