Dying Man’s Daily Journal – I am responsible for my life


Something has really been made clear in my mind over the past several months. It is clear because I realize I have been doing it.

I am a bit of a hypocrite in that daily I pray for God’s will to be done in my life. I pray for that because that is what I would like to be. Could there possibly be a better way to live your live than by God’s will. I don’t think so.

Even knowing this, when things don’t go exactly according to “my” will or the way I would like them to go, I can get a little pouty, throwing myself a poor me party. It can be a lot easier having one of those parties than it can be to leave it.It is so easy to get into the mindset, “my life would be so much better, if only…….”. For each of us individually there are dozens of things we can point at and say, “if only”. If only this hadn’t happened or that had happened. I only he/she hadn’t done this or had done that. If only I had more money. The list could be endless. Why does it seem it is so much easier to focus on the negative than the positive? I am not sure, could it be it makes it easier for us as humans to deal with our lives if we attach blame to someone or something for any problems we have in life.

I seen now that by playing the blame game we are abdicating resonsibility for our lives. It is sort of like, “my life sucks but it isn’t my fault”. Maybe everyone needs to just take a moment an think to themselves, “Who’s life is it?”. It is mine and it is my responsiblity to deal with it and to live it. Many may try to tell me how to live it, but when it comes down to it, it is my life and I must live it. Ultimately, it is up to me, I must make the choices for my own life.

Well I finally left my pity party and gave the door a good slam on the way out.

I suppose if I were to have a mantra for life it would be, there are always 2 ways you can look at everything. I know I have written about that many times in the past. Here are some of my issues and the spin I have chosen to put on them.

It could be, poor me, I just had my 5th heart attack. OR, hey I survived my 5th heart attack, am I ever a lucky man.

Poor me, my physical limitations mean I can’t even cut the grass anymore. OR, hey, OK I can’t cut the grass as quickly as I once could. What was once maybe a 30 minute job now takes all day. I do it in bits and pieces with lots of breaks thrown in. I get to spend a nice day out side. It isn’t like I really had anything else planned. So what’s the big deal.

Poor me, I have lost a lot of my physical strength. OR, when I was a little younger I used to lift a lot of weights and was proud of my physical strength. What did that get me, when ever someone needed help moving something really heavy, who did they call? Hey, now I get to just relax at home.

Poor me, my live expectancy isn’t as long as I would like it to be. Well that kind of sucks no matter how I look at it, BUT, the key word in that phrase is expectancy. No one know how long I have any more than is know how long anyone has. What is important is, I am not dead yet that I do have this moment,. I am responsible for living my life and that is what I am going to do, live it rather than endure it.

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4 Responses to Dying Man’s Daily Journal – I am responsible for my life

  1. Jo Hart says:

    Positive Thinking is such a powerful thing. It’s a moto I am living by now.

  2. Mel says:

    I hear that “I’m not dead yet” and I get the Monty Python sketch running through my brain…..

    Yaknow–one of the very first lessons WPIML handed me was that ‘There’s more than one way to look at things, kid.’ That first lesson has stayed with me and replayed over and over and over again. I suppose because it’s a life lesson–and I can delude myself into ‘knowing what’s what’ like the rest of the crew on the planet.
    I’m grateful I have just enough experience to stop long enough to look at other angles. Was a time there was one way to see it and that’s all there was to it! (my way, of course…..the ‘right’ way.LOL)

    Lemme know when you get that ‘G-d’s will’ perfected, will ya? 😉 I’m still practicing!!!!

    And what is it they say–

    “To err is human; to blame it on the other guy is more human.” 😉

  3. Amy Klinka says:

    Well Bill, you are utilizing your most important muscle which is your heart.
    You care about others, your heart is touched by others and in that you are becoming stronger, maybe not physically, but in an area that perhaps is even more important.
    No one will think of the menial tasks we’ve done in our lives, like having a clean house, laundry, cutting lawn,
    running errands. What they will remember is how we’ve touched their heart in some way.
    I hope a lot of people who read this remember to keep their priorities intact.

  4. Morgan Ott says:

    Bill-
    Does death give us a better view of the world? Does it open our hearts and minds? I have lost many loved ones and only want to know this: what is it like to live when you know you are dying?

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