Dying Man’s Daily Journal – fear not LIVING


I don’t think it is as much that we should fear dying as it is we should fear missing out on living life while we are hear.

I got this email in a day or two ago and it pretty much says it all:

A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door.

SON: ‘Daddy, may I ask you a question?’

DAD: ‘Yeah sure, what it is?’ replied the man.

SON: ‘Daddy, how much do you make an hour?’

DAD: ‘That’s none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?’ the man said angrily.

SON: ‘I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?’

DAD: ‘If you must know, I make $50 an hour.’

SON: ‘Oh,’ the little boy replied, with his head down.

SON: ‘Daddy, may I please borrow $25?’

The father was furious, ‘If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I don’t work hard everyday for such childish frivolities.’

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.

The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy’s questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?

After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down , and started to think:

Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $25.00 and he really didn’t ask for money very often The man went to the door of the little boy’s room and opened the door.

‘Are you asleep, son?’ He asked.

‘No daddy, I’m awake,’ replied the boy.

‘I’ve been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier’ said the man. ‘It’s been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here’s the $25 you asked for.’

The little boy sat straight up, smiling. ‘Oh, thank you daddy!’ he yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills.

The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again.

The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father.

‘Why do you want more money if you already have some?’ the father grumbled.

‘Because I didn’t have enough, but now I do,’ the little boy replied.

‘Daddy, I have $50 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.’

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness.

It’s just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. Do remember to share that $50 worth of your time with someone you love.

If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of hours. But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives.

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10 Responses to Dying Man’s Daily Journal – fear not LIVING

  1. Kathy says:

    Beautifully said!!

  2. Hello Bill,

    I haven’t commented in a very long time, so I thought I’d let you know I often think of you and take a peek at your latest posts.
    This particular one hit very close to my heart. Thank you.

    Much love,
    Natasha

  3. Irene says:

    Hi Bill!
    Just thought I’d drop to say say Hello and ask if you could please find the thermostat and turn it up??? It’s cold!! All is very busy here and life’s treadmill keeps turning only it seems that it’s turning faster and faster…or am I moving slower and slower??
    I did some soul-searching and reflecting and really needed to find some answers to some pretty big questions last week. Just by chance I happened to find a book called When Bad Things Happen to Good People. It was written quite a while ago, but the info within its pages certainly gave a new and realistic perspective to anybody’s plight. And best of all, it gave me peace. You might want to consider reading it as it hit just the right spot and gave some really good answers to even better questions.
    Thinking of you lots. Have a peaceful day, Wiseman.
    Irene

  4. Mel says:

    Good book, Irene–definitely worthy of a read!

    And Bill….dunno about you–but I’ve got a creative mind and plenty of room to fear both, off and on.

    It’s a beautiful story–speaks clearly to what money can’t buy, what matters in the life of another human being that just wants to love and be loved.

    Oh, how I wish we’d stay focused on loving how we want to–without restraint, without excuses….
    It’s a tough thing to do with this pushme/pullyou world, but a simple, easy, effortless task if we decide.

    I go back to that decision day after day after day.
    *sigh*
    Oh how I wish I could do that one perfectly…..

  5. angela says:

    wow…when i found this website i was seriously thankful…my husband is dying…he has an extraordinary heart condition that only 18 people in the entire world have and he is the only person that lived longer than two years…we are approaching 3..i am pretty sure he wont make it to 4.. the problem is he wont face it…he is living in denile…and he is so mean to me..i am his wife of 20 years, we have a daughter together..she is 14…
    i don’t know how to or what to do or feel or…i alway thought that when u knew u were going to die that u would become this nice, loving person that just wanted to live the last few moments on this earth being and giving love,. yet he is pushing both of us away. he is mean and nasty and hateful and says he wants to die alone…i didn’t really think he meant it..however his pushing seems to indicate that he does want to die alone..how can i as a loving and caring person cope with the lose of him…it feels like i have already lost him…i mean we don’t spend time together because he has made a list of rules 3 pages long…don’t ..that u have to do…if u want to spend time wiht him..don’t put your feet up on the desk..don’t eat without a napkin, don’t use the restrm in his office, don’t dont don’t…they r rules taht are impossilbe to live by..don’t make a mess in the kitchen…his idea of a “mess” is spilling water on the counter top…so niether my daughter or i want to spend time with him..cuz all we get is yelled at..however i feel horrible for not wanting to spend time with him becasue he will not b around for much longer, yet i hate to spend any time with him..because i am beinging to hate him because all he does is yell or bitch or complain…then when he yells at the kid for no reason…becuase she has food on her face ..she has not yet had time to wipe off…then i come unglued..because he is causing damage to her emotionally…and to me as well…

    so what’s a girl to do? i am so confused and hurt and bewildered by his behavior.. how can i help him when he is pushing me away..how can i help him when he is making me hate him…how can i deal with my feeling of loss ..when he’s not gone yet, yet..he is because he is not the man i love..he is horrible..how can i leave a man that is dying? how can i stop wishing that he would just go..and stop everyones pain..so we can start healing..my daughter and i just want to heal from the pain he has already inflicted and from the pain we will feel when he finally does pass…however our love is rapidly turning to hate.

    please if u have any advice or feelings i would appreciate hearing from someone who is in his position who knows what he is going thru…cuz he won’t talk about it…he is just getting meaner and meaner..please help me understand..

    Hi Angela, welcome to my blog. You have left such a powerful message, it is like I can feel you pain, the hurt and frustration through your words. I wish I had some words that could ease your burden.
    What you are going through has to be the most terrible painful experience anyone can have. Facing the tragic loss of a loved one.
    First off, I have to tell you I am not a doctor or a therapist, I am just a guy sitting in his basement at his computer sharing his thoughts.
    Speaking from my own experience, I have said it many times and I will say it again. It is so much harder on the family than on the individual themselves. You are forced to sit and watch the deterioration of your loved one and are totally helpless to do anything about it. My heart goes out to you.
    Can I explain your husbands actions to you. Not really as grief is a very personal and individual thing. He is grieving his own pending passing, which to a degree is understandable. I know I have done that and continue on occasions to go back and do it again and again.
    Instead of being able to give you answers possibly I can ask some questions that the answers to may help. Your husband has such a very rare disease, does he feel picked on or maybe singled out for unfair treatment. Only 18 people in the entire world have it, what are the odds? What are his spiritual beliefs? Does he believe in an afterlife or is this it? When you say he is in denial, what are the doctors saying? This is a tough one to ask, but has he developed an attitude of entitlement? It sounds like it. That is when he may feel, I am the one that is dying, I am entitled to and should receive special treatment. Have you sat down and tried to explain to him how is actions are causing so much more pain and anguish for both you and your daughter.
    I believe it is so much more difficult for the families as they go through all of the initial pain but are then left here to carry on. The carrying on part can be made so much more difficult with excess emotional baggage. Your life will go on, as will your daughters. You have to look forward to that and how to best deal with it.
    I have so much more I want to say to you but don’t have the time at this moment. I will be doing a post on this very topic and will be emailing you directly.
    I thank you for sharing your painful story with us here at the blog. I think you will find a very supportive group here and I do hope you will return and share more with us.
    Bill

  6. Pia says:

    Beautiful post,Bill. I don’t comment often either, but I do take a peek every so often. Hugs

    Hi Pia, nice to hear from you. I have missed you

  7. roy says:

    Hi Bill.
    Just found this little gem…..

    Life is great and Heaven is amazing.
    It’s the transistion that people have trouble with.

    Hi Roy, this is a gem. I have missed hearing from you and hope all is well with the Alberta and Saskatchewan sides of the family.

  8. Jo Hart says:

    Hi Bill, Well I found myself crying on that post. Made me realise that I too get caught up in work and take it out on the ones I love when I get home. Ahhh geez it’s hard finding balance at times.

    To Angela – What can I say, how hard this must be for you and your daughter. My personal opinion is that maybe your husband is being like this, because he doesn’t want to see the both of your pain in knowing he is dying. Maybe subconsciously he thinks that if he gets the two of you to hate him, that then you won’t suffer ??? Don’t quite know, and I’m no shrink by any means but I’m going to mull this one over. You’ve definately come to the right place to be able to get some help and perspective on this one. We’re a good little bunch who throw idea’s in the air, and I’m sure we’ll be able to come up with something to maybe not fix the problem, but help in some sort of way. Again, above is just me trying to work out an idea of his behaviour out loud. Stay strong and positive and know there are people who are here for you if ever you need it.

    ((((((((Angela)))))))) many hugs to you.

    Jo

  9. planetcity1 says:

    Angela:
    Some will never admit to being terminally sick, and they will do everything in their power to mask their condition. Some will feel that their condition has forced them to lose a much-needed sense of control. Some lash back, some withdraw — each is trying desperately to come to terms with a life that is almost over.
    It’s very discomfiting to have others hovering over and watching you daily for signs of sickness and death. If the emotional stress of dealing with your husband seems too much, you need to ask someone to come in for a bit to take over caretaker duties; no one wins if everyone in the house is miserable.
    Don’t worry about what others might think; everyone’s journey through these last days and months are somewhat different, and you must choose what is right for you.

  10. Mel says:

    (((((((((((( Angela )))))))))))))

    Oh what a hard time of it–for you, for the kiddo….and obviously, for him.

    Fear does funny things to people, Angela. And truly, anything I say here is just a ‘guess’ or a ‘shot in the dark’. We all go through stages of grieving when we experience loss–any loss. We move through those stages at our own pace. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly….sometimes we stay stuck. He sounds to be where I was–stuck. Anger and denial happen. Sometimes we don’t move past that–can’t…..won’t… Bitterness, entitlement–all things we can embrace when we can’t quite wrap our heads around the facts. Anger and denial is just another way of coping with fear. Trying to grab control when we feel so out of control is just another way of coping with the fear. And we can convince ourselves we’re entitled to some of that control–after all, we’re the ones about to leave the planet. *sigh*

    I can attribute his actions to a whole lot of things–but that doesn’t help you deal with what’s in front of you.
    There’s a child involved.
    There’s your sanity and wellbeing at stake….and your child’s.
    What can you do?
    What are you okay doing?
    Is there a ‘safe place’ to go–a place that replenishes you/your child and keeps you/her strong in making this journey with him?
    Do you need a neutral place to be while where you can still be a part of the journey and have a hiatus from his fear/anger/guilt?

    Guilt is a powerful thing–I used it as a weapon against people who cared about me, too. I was trying to limit the audience, to grab as much control as I could during an insane, out of control feeling time. Doesn’t matter…people needed to do what they needed to do to take care of themselves. They were going to get to live with their choices. I was going to get to die with mine. Some chose to stick through it and tolerate what was truly ‘intolerable’. Some chose to take their sanity and run.
    I care about them all–and I wish nothing but good for their lives. They chose wisely for THEM. They did what they needed to do for them, the best they could do at that moment in time, yaknow?

    If I put myself in their shoes–I’m not sure I wouldn’t have cut bait and run…..I wasn’t a very nice person to be around for a good chunk of time.

    I don’t know if he’ll move past where he is–some of us don’t.
    And you’ll need to choose…for you….for your child.

    It’s okay to choose a day at a time. Sometimes, that’s how we get through to the next moment.

    Decide for you–and for your child….
    And decide knowing that all that he IS isn’t what he’s doing today.
    It may change, it may not.
    You can love someone who’s hundreds of miles away just like you can (and sometimes even more freely than) if they’re in the next room, yaknow?

    *sending prayers and strength*

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