I just read a comment left yesterday by Lash. Through his words, it is like I can feel his pain as he talks of the passing of his father.
I have said it countless times that I believe it is so much harder on the families and loved ones left behind. Really how could it be otherwise. When I pass, I will have moved on to a much more wonderful place, a place glorious beyond my wildest dreams. I will be surrounded by and engulfed in a love, again far greater than anything I could possibly imagine. I am not sure how to exactly say this but it is like my situation will have been improved beyond belief.
Not so for the families and loved ones left behind, although in time their turn will come and we will be reunited.
But for the moment the loved ones are left behind to feel and suffer the pain and grief. Dealing with grief is a very personal and individual thing. I can’t totally relate to how others may feel it or deal with it. I can only relate to and express my own thoughts and feelings.
I remember so clearly some of the thoughts and feelings I experienced with the passing of my own mother. My mother was a truly wonderful and even inspirational lady. I loved and respected her very much. She was a very strong woman, it took multiple heart attacks to even slow her down.
I was living in a different town than her when I got the call from the hospital, that I should come QUICKLY.
I was like in a panic to get there and an sure I was driving well above the speed limits. It is normally about a 1 1/2 hour drive. I am sure I would have made it in record time. I got to about the 1/2 way mark of the trip and something changed. Suddenly the sense of urgency, the feelings of panic left me. I really can’t explain it but somehow I just knew she was gone. I got a mental image of her standing in front of me, hands on her hips telling me: “you bloody well better slow down or you are going to get yourself killed driving like that.” Slow down I did. I was driving in from the north, my brother Eric was driving in also but from the south. He talks of having a similar feeling, the just knowing she was gone. Comparing notes we realized even though miles apart we had each experienced that same feeling at about the same time of the day, which was also the same time that she passed from this world.
I am not sure if it was that same day or possibly the next but I realized my life would never be the same again. With her passing my life was changed forever. Suddenly an important piece of what I saw to be the picture of my life was gone forever. My life felt sort of incomplete like there was a gaping big hole in it.
The moment my mother passed, my life as I saw it changed forever. It would never be the same again. Maybe it is like a jig saw puzzle you have it all neatly put together and then loose one piece, the picture will never look the same again.
I came to realize that by looking at that jig saw puzzle picture of my life. I was really looking at was a snap shot of how I saw how my looking at that particular time. As I so often tend to do, I was not looking at the big picture of my life but only of a single snap shot of how I saw it at that time.
I will say it flat out. When you loose a loved one, will your life ever be the same again? No, it won’t. I just have to get the thought into my head that just because it isn’t the same doesn’t have to mean it can’t be just as good.
There were and still are several thoughts that helped me deal with her passing. I may have written about them or I may in the future. A big one for me now is. I have no doubt in my mind she is experiencing the wonders of Heaven. I also have no doubt she is looking down at me from Above, watching as I proceed through life.
I also believe that when the Good Lord decides the time is right, I will be reunited with her. I know she loves me and wants me to have a good and happy life while on this earth. When our reunion comes, I know it will be a loving moment. But, also knowing my mother, I can easily picture her standing there giving me the look and saying something like: “you had it so good down there, you just never took the time to appreciate and enjoy it.”
So to my mum, up there in Heaven. I am doing my best to appreciate and enjoy life. I hope I am making you proud or at the very least not disappointing you. I am looking forward to seeing you when the time is right.
My nan practicaly brought me up and had a big impact on my life, she passed away when I was a child, it was upsetting but I knew she would be happy in heaven and when it is my time to be reunited with her, she will be very proud of me and be waiting to tell me so x
I know all our loved ones are there for us and waiting for us when it comes our time. This is what gives me peace in not being afraid to die. Like I’ve said before, I’m not scared to die, it’s just an inconvience if it happened now….. sounds so selfish doesn’t it. With all that’s happened around me lately though, through the loss of loved ones and dear friends, it makes me realise how fragile we all are.
“just because it isn’t the same doesn’t have to mean it can’t be just as good”
I knew when my mother died. I ‘felt’ it.
I knew when my father died. I ‘felt’ it.
I knew when my friends died. I knew when my coworker/partner died. I knew when my sponsor died. I knew when folks I was connected by the heart to died– I ‘felt’ them, too.
I don’t know that it’s ever gotten ‘just as good’ for me. But that could just be me glorifing ‘what was’.
I do know that the debilitating, all encompassing sense of loss lifted bit by bit and it got ‘different’.
It’s still different……neither ‘good’ nor ‘bad’….it’s just–‘different’.
I still miss their presence in my life something fierce.
Even if life is good, the fabric of this patchwork heart feels woven just a bit too loosely sometimes, yaknow?