Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Blog Hard to Write


I am settling back into the routine of life but often sitting back and savoring the memories of a wonderful vacation. This may sound a little strange and maybe it is. I don’t know. Daily, I am trying to relive some of the wonderful times in my mind, savoring each moment. I am doing this for 2 reasons. The first is obviously to just enjoy the memory, treasure the moments. The second is possibly the strange one. I admit to having a memory almost like a sieve, so much just seems to pass through and is not retained. I so desperately want to retain these memories. Maybe if I continually replay them in my mind they will become inbedded there somewhere and will remain with me forever. I pray and hope so.

It is not until I am back that I really realize how much I needed a break from the realities of my life. This last heart attack, #5, seems to have really taken a lot out of me, both physically and emotionally. I needed the break to recharge my batteries so to say. What a wonderful break (vacation) I had.

I am not sure if a getaway is physically or emotionally essential, in fact I am sure it isn’t but it can certainly help. By getting away, putting myself into a different environment, I was able to for that short time remove myself from my regular life. It takes only slight mental effort to spend that time absorbed in your new surroundings. Temporarily at least leaving behind all the stresses of regular life. There is no one irregardless of the health that doesn’t have stress or pressure in their lives. A break from that is wonderful and refreshing. For me it was a huge added bonus that I got to spend the time with my daughter’s family and her wonderful dauthers, my GRAND DAUGHERS. I am such a lucky man.

I realize getting a “break” from life is mostly in your mind. You can travel anywhere but if you carry with you the mental and emotional stresses, you accomplish very little.

For me it was very easy to leave the thoughts of my reality behind as I become absorbed into the world of my grand daughters. I was able to temporarily abandon all thought of my own world filled with health issues and this whole dying business. To be able to mentally do this I had to almost abandon this my beloved blog. Oh, I checked in often but kept my mind more as that as one of a curious reader. I even made a couple of short posts. Mostly to assure blogging friends I was OK. Even in these I kept the topic cheerful writing of my wonderful time.

For me this blog has become a very large part of my reality, maybe it has even become my purpose for being. I do know there have been days when it has become the purpose or reason that I have dragged my lazy butt out of bed.

I love this blog, I love all the people it has brought into my life.It has given me a purpose, to try to help others. There are times when that becomes difficult, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. How is it difficult it may be asked? All you do is write about what is happening in your life. That is true. Well, none of us know how long we have left on this world and we just plain don’t like to even think about it. I am no different. I have accepted my days may be fewer than I would like but it is something I don’t really like to think of or dwell on. I am not afraid of what is to come, I just don’t necessarily want to be thinking of it all the time.

Every time I come on the blog it hits me right in the face: “Dying Man’s Daily Journal”. I still wouldn’t change anything about my blogging experience, it has been wonderful but yes, difficult at times.

I have though decided I want to change one thing, the title. I want to get rid of the “Dying Man” part. I am not sure what to change it too and am looking for suggestions.

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11 Responses to Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Blog Hard to Write

  1. jel says:

    how about “my daily journal”

    glad ya had a good vacation 🙂

    Thank you jel

  2. Kac_C says:

    I think changing it to ‘The Journey of your/my Life’ would be cool 🙂

    I thank you for the suggestion

  3. Sage and Emery's Mommy says:

    “A Living Man’s Daily Journal”

    Hello Sage and Emery”s mommy. How are my two princess’s doing. I just blew 9 kisses in your direction. One for mommy and 4 each for the girls. Please deliver them to the girls for me, four to each. You know where they go, nose, chin and each cheek.
    Lot’s of love from Dad/Grandpa

  4. Mel says:

    Yup. What the mom said.

    I know those facts in your life are just the facts today. They are not your whole world, they are not WHO you are. I can’t fault you one bit for wanting to hang on to those memories. It’s what I aspire to do–hang on to the warmth of loving and living, yaknow?

    Hi Mel, as always you are right. Circumstances do not define who I am. I am me, and quite happy to be so.

  5. Jo Hart says:

    Hi Bill, I’m all for changing the name on your blog if that is what feels right for you in your heart. However I have one suggestions, had this blog not being named “Dying Man’s Journal” i would never of found you or this blog. You were a God send to me when my cousin was dying, and have been so on many other occasions, and through this blog friends have met. I still remember typing all those years ago in google search “How do I help someone who is dying” and there you were top of the page, and here you are top of my heart. Whatever you change it to Bill, it will still be a wonderful place to come.

    Hi Jo, thank you. It is nice to see you back. You were gone for a while and were missed.
    I am thinking the title will likely remain the same. Those are only words I type on the screen and a Mel said do not define me or who I am. Plus, I am realizing those very words have lead dear blogging friends such as yourself and so many others to me. That I wouldn’t want to change, for anything.

  6. Jo Hart says:

    PS – I’m glad you had such a lovely time away for some R&R and a bit of loving.

  7. planetcity1 says:

    I also found this blog due to its name, so I wonder if it would be a good idea to change it now. I do understand that it is hard to think about the inevitability of one’s death, but the truth is we must face it sooner or later; and, culturally, we
    have been trained, mostly to our emotional detriment, not to talk much about the subject.

    I have personally found it refreshing that people have felt so free to speak quite candidly on this blog.

    Should you write posts on other facets of your life??? Absolutely. We are all more than the sum of our medical conditions.

    Hi planetcity1. What ever it was that lead you to the blog, I am grateful for. I am so pleased that somehow the blog has evolved into something far beyond just me and my thoughts. We have in fact become like a safe little community where all are welcome to share their thoughts, their pain or grief. Loving support abounds from many directions. You as do many others contribute to that and I thank you.
    I was just feeling down, tired and grumpy the other day. I haven’t decided for sure but I think likely the title will remain as it. They are just words they I type, nothing more.

  8. Daily Journal of a Living Man

    I am glad you came back refreshed and happy Bill. Keep reliving all the memories.

    Thank you Martha, working on those memories.

  9. Mel says:

    ((((((((((((( Bill )))))))))))))))

    Just huggin’…..

    Cuz.

    Ah, Mel, thank you. Hugs are always appreciated.

  10. Robin S says:

    My mother, who survived cancer for 36 years until it finally and surprisingly removed her from our lives last year at the age of 79, was fond of telling me “you are alive until you die.” Like some here, I thought of the name “A living man’s daily journal” but like others, I found you because I was interested in reading what other people had to say about dying and death, given that I lost both my parents within the past 18 months. So I don’t know– is there any way that you can incorporate the word “dying” to reach the people (like me) that you need to reach, while still changing the name to something that sits more comfortably with you? Maybe you could leave the subtitle the same, but change the actual title to something different? When I think of you I think of someone who is “Treasuring Life Until the End” but that’s probably a bit wordier than what you want.

    Keep up the good work. You are giving us (those who stumble upon you and aren’t related to you ) a lot to think about!

    Hi Robin, welcome to the blog and thank you for the comment.
    I am so very sorry to hear of the passing of both of your parents in such a short time frame. It has to be difficult for you. Your mother was obviously an exceptional woman, one to be proud of.
    I really like the “Treasuring Life to the End”. That is indeed what I am trying to do and to encourage others to do the same.
    I hope you will return and share with us again.
    Still mulling over this entire changing the title of the blog bit and appreciate your input.
    Bill

  11. Trent says:

    How about a different approach. A Dying Mans Daily Blessings. This way you’ll be reminded that even in the face of your own mortallity you have been able to meet all these great people who have given you nothing but support and freindship and made every day a blessing. And after five heart attacks, although I dont believe in god, if someone is up there they are most definitely smiling down on you.

    Hi Trent, I thank you for your suggestion, it is a very good one. You have wonderfully described what the blog and all my blogging friends have been to me, a true blessing.
    Next time you visit maybe we can sit down and chat about your ideas.
    love
    Uncle Bill

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