I am settling back into the routine of life but often sitting back and savoring the memories of a wonderful vacation. This may sound a little strange and maybe it is. I don’t know. Daily, I am trying to relive some of the wonderful times in my mind, savoring each moment. I am doing this for 2 reasons. The first is obviously to just enjoy the memory, treasure the moments. The second is possibly the strange one. I admit to having a memory almost like a sieve, so much just seems to pass through and is not retained. I so desperately want to retain these memories. Maybe if I continually replay them in my mind they will become inbedded there somewhere and will remain with me forever. I pray and hope so.
It is not until I am back that I really realize how much I needed a break from the realities of my life. This last heart attack, #5, seems to have really taken a lot out of me, both physically and emotionally. I needed the break to recharge my batteries so to say. What a wonderful break (vacation) I had.
I am not sure if a getaway is physically or emotionally essential, in fact I am sure it isn’t but it can certainly help. By getting away, putting myself into a different environment, I was able to for that short time remove myself from my regular life. It takes only slight mental effort to spend that time absorbed in your new surroundings. Temporarily at least leaving behind all the stresses of regular life. There is no one irregardless of the health that doesn’t have stress or pressure in their lives. A break from that is wonderful and refreshing. For me it was a huge added bonus that I got to spend the time with my daughter’s family and her wonderful dauthers, my GRAND DAUGHERS. I am such a lucky man.
I realize getting a “break” from life is mostly in your mind. You can travel anywhere but if you carry with you the mental and emotional stresses, you accomplish very little.
For me it was very easy to leave the thoughts of my reality behind as I become absorbed into the world of my grand daughters. I was able to temporarily abandon all thought of my own world filled with health issues and this whole dying business. To be able to mentally do this I had to almost abandon this my beloved blog. Oh, I checked in often but kept my mind more as that as one of a curious reader. I even made a couple of short posts. Mostly to assure blogging friends I was OK. Even in these I kept the topic cheerful writing of my wonderful time.
For me this blog has become a very large part of my reality, maybe it has even become my purpose for being. I do know there have been days when it has become the purpose or reason that I have dragged my lazy butt out of bed.
I love this blog, I love all the people it has brought into my life.It has given me a purpose, to try to help others. There are times when that becomes difficult, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. How is it difficult it may be asked? All you do is write about what is happening in your life. That is true. Well, none of us know how long we have left on this world and we just plain don’t like to even think about it. I am no different. I have accepted my days may be fewer than I would like but it is something I don’t really like to think of or dwell on. I am not afraid of what is to come, I just don’t necessarily want to be thinking of it all the time.
Every time I come on the blog it hits me right in the face: “Dying Man’s Daily Journal”. I still wouldn’t change anything about my blogging experience, it has been wonderful but yes, difficult at times.
I have though decided I want to change one thing, the title. I want to get rid of the “Dying Man” part. I am not sure what to change it too and am looking for suggestions.