Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Urgent Prayer request please.


It is with a heavy heart that I write today’s post. I always encourage all to read the wonderful comments left here on the blog, from people literally around the world. These comments so often contain wisdom far beyond any I can deliver. There are times when these comments contain great sadness and messages of people in urgent need. So often there is really nothing we can do to help, but offer our prayers. The power of prayer is awesome more powerful than we can imagine. Please may we join together in offering our prayers. There is so much I could say but there is nothing more powerful than the messages contained in the comments themselves.

I give you the comment I recieved this morning from my dear blogging friend Jo:

Hi Bill,
I am asking for prayer requests for one of my dearest girlfriends. Her husband has gone missing at sea and we are now on day 5 of the search. They have found the boat, found his friends body, but still cannot find her husband Jason. I will attach the related article in the paper

http://caboolture-shire-herald.whereilive.com.au/news/story/search-continues-for-missing-fisherman/

I have spent the last 4 nights on her couch and watched with agony the pain at the thought of not being able to retrieve his body. To have found his mate John yet no signs of Jason is like torture. We have accepted that Jason has gone, but to not find his body is torture for his family. He leaves his wife Tanya & their two girls who are 4 & 6. Please the more prayers we have out there the better.
Bill I will write a more detailed email to you when I can, I was just wanting to get this prayer request out. We have to have a body, and theirs just no two ways about it.
I thank everyone for their help
Jo”

Jo, I ask that you please keep me updated on things as they happen. You know all are in my prayers and in the prayers of many.

I now give you the comment left by my new blogging friend Sarah. Sarah and I have exchanged emails and I look forward to hearing more from her. Here is the comment left by Sarah:

Dear, dear dying man,
I am dying too. I’m 63 and female and a life-long smoker who is now predictably dying of lung cancer. I’ve had a turn with chemo and then a few short days with a biological agent called Tarceva which almost killed me. There’s nothing left but a more toxic chemo that the oncologist thinks I won’t survive.
I’m so sad this morning…so sad to be leaving my three grown children…my babies, my babies I cry at night. Some days I just want to be left alone to mindlessly watch the food network and let the Ativan keep me from screaming…other days I want to be held like a child and comforted. So far the treatments have made me feel worse than the cancer, but that will change. I remember laying motionless in bed after one of the chemos thinking I didn’t know people could feel that sick without dying…and yet now I know that was only a preview. I’m not afraid to die…I’m afraid of the suffering before it.
I’m sorry, dying man, I’m so sorry you are facing tenacious death at such a relatively young age.
I’m sorry our measure of life is not what we wanted it to be and that we always thought we had time. I’m sorry that your life is being interrupted right in the middle of your dreams, that your strength is being eroded just as you were about to use it to do that thing you always wanted to do but kept putting off. I’m sorry that no one lets you talk about it the way you want to. I’m just so sorry.
Love,
Dying Woman”

Sarah, I welcome and look forward to anything you may wish to share.

What more can I say, what more do I need to say. Other than to ask for prayers and messages of support.

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23 Responses to Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Urgent Prayer request please.

  1. Mel says:

    ((((((((((( Bill ))))))))))))))

    (((((((((((((( Jo ))))))))))))))))

    ((((((((((( Tanya and all who love her )))))))))))))

    ((((((((((((((( Sarah )))))))))))))))

    I’m torn–between a heavy heart and a joyous one.
    No one—NO one has to do any of this alone..and for that, I’m grateful for here, for you, for them…for us…..for me…..

    ((((((((((((( Bill ))))))))))))))

    You’re such an amazing, loving, open armed man….
    I thank you for being all that you are.

    *sending lots of prayers and peacefilled thoughts*

    I thank you Mel, you are too kind. You are right no one ever has to face the challenges of life alone. All are always welcome here and this is but one small safe haven in the internet world.

  2. Sharon xx says:

    Bill ~ I am unusually short on words but my prayers are for Tanya and those little girls. For the soul of Jason with hope that he will be found. For Jo, giving thanks for her loving friendship that Tanya needs so badly.

    For Sarah ~ I know a little of what she feels as I care for my step dad Jim also a lung cancer sufferer. May peace be upon her and the loving arms of God surround her. May all that happens now happen in the best possible way.

    For you Bill ~ for ‘joining’ us all together with love, compassion and a mutual desire to ease the pain and suffering of others.

    May the peace and love of God be with us all.

    with love

    Sharon xx

    Thank you Sharon

  3. Jo Hart says:

    No news on anything, they are still looking. I think after Easter we may have to resign ourselves to the fact that we won’t have his body. I thank you all for sending your prayers, it is much appreciated.
    Bill thank you so much for sending out my prayer request, you are such a wonderful soul whom I am ever so greatful to have met. Mel & Sharon thankyou for your kind words. I will try to keep posted as anything developes. Thankyou to you all again.
    JO
    xx

    Jo, you all remain in my prayers as always

  4. planetcity1 says:

    Jo:
    A friend’s family went through a similar ordeal; her nephew’s body was never located, though his girl friend’s body was found. A funeral was held for her, and a memorial service for him to allow some sense of closure.

    Is there a trust fund of some sort being set up for the family??? Adjusting to the sudden loss of her husband’s income is one hardship Tanya, like any new widow, will have to face. I can tell you from experience that It’s tough to think about your own survival when you are freshly grieving, but it is a task that must be done.

    Again, my prayers and thoughts are with this family…

    Thank you for sharing this with us

  5. Sarah Jordan says:

    Thank you to Mel and Sharon for your comforting words and, Sharon, I wish for Jim what you have wished for me which is the kindest wish of all. For Tanya, you have my prayers for your husband’s soul and for peace as you grieve.

    Bill, do you know the work of the English poet John Donne? His famous poem is Death Be Not Proud:

    Death be not proud, though some have called thee
    mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so,
    For those whom thou think’st thou dost overthrow
    die not, poor death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
    From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be,
    much pleasure, then from thee, much more must flow,
    And soonest our best men with thee do go,
    rest of their bones, and souls delivery.
    Thou, Death, art slave to hate, chance, kings, and desperate men,
    And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell,
    And poppie, or charms can make us sleep as well,
    And better then thy stroke; why swell’st thou then?
    One short sleep past, we wake eternally,
    And death shall be no more; DEATH, THOU SHALT DIE.

    We pass through death, it says…we pass through it unscathed, untouched, untamed and still alive, and death remains behind…it is death in the end that is the only one that truly shall die.

    Still, I dance in horror with death now where before death was a spot on the horizon, far away and easy to dismiss with only a quick check morning and night…now I dance with death, so near has it drawn, so intimate has been its touch and the sound of its voice. It’s embrace sometimes awakens me from a sound sleep, brings me startling awake, heart pounding, eyes large in the darkness…am I dead? I ask myself. Did I die? I move my fingers, then my feet, my arms…I search the bed for the TV controller, my one true faithful companion on the journey to nonexistence, and I find it, fumble, the TV jumps into gray light…the food network is broadcasting an infomercial about a steam cleaner. I’m not dead. My heartbeat slows, my thoughts turn from God and my children to how clean steam gets things. I breathe deeply, mostly to satisfy myself that I still can. I relax. I’m not dead. I’m not dead.
    With love,
    Sarah

    Hi Sarah, I have never read that poem before, it is wonderful and I thank you for sharing it.
    I am in awe of your eloquent writing style, the words flow so easily and in such a beautiful manner.

  6. planetcity1 says:

    Sarah:
    Wow, what powerful writing in this last post!!! Have you been published???
    You have a wonderful knack with words, and a beautiful writing style —
    not everyone has the talent to be so succinct on such a difficult subject
    as impending death. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and Donne’s.

    Peace-filled days, my friend, peace-filled nights…

  7. Sarah Jordan says:

    Thank you planetcity1. I was almost published in 2003, but the publisher wanted me to make the ending to my novel “more redemptive”. I declined…it was not a redemptive story…and so declined publication. It was exciting while it lasted though. 🙂
    God’s love to you,
    Sarah

  8. planetcity1 says:

    Sarah:
    There are occasions when one has to “to stick to their guns” when it comes to the integrity of their writing; I am glad you were strong enough to stick to yours.

    [Some revisions, of course, are warranted, and even necessary, but not if they shatter completely one’s intent.]

    I hope you saved the manuscript; as you know, some works aren’t appreciated due to the fact that they are written “before their time.”

    Peace-filled days, my friend, peace-filled nights…

  9. planetcity1 says:

    (((((((((((((((Bill)))))))))))))))

    it’s good to see you checking in early…i’m looking forward to your next post…

    Hi, thanks for stopping by to check on me. New post is up, it is an “according to Bill” post. Many may agree or disagree, we shall see.

  10. Cat says:

    Thoughts and prayers go out to Tanya and her girls and to all of Jason’s friends and family, and to John Meiers’ loved ones, as well. I pray that both Jason and John are at peace.

    Sarah, I’m glad you have found this little corner of the internet and I also look forward to reading more from you. You are in my thoughts and prayers, as well.

    Bill, this is really a wonderful place you have here. It’s so nice to find an online community where people can come for comfort and acceptance and can feel free to share their feelings. Your blog is a treasure, and you are a very kind and generous man.

    Hi Cat, my prayers go with yours.
    I thank you for your kind comments on the blog. I have always wanted it to be seen as a safe haven where any or all can come and share their feelings. It started as a death and dying thought sharing and still is, but has evolved into so much more. I am so pleased and grateful to all that have helped me get it to this point.
    I thank you
    Bill

  11. Sarah Jordan says:

    There are these mathematical entities called vectors…a vector has both a number and a direction attached to it, like the speed of a boat traveling 15 knots due north or like a windspeed of 10 knots east-southeast. There are special mathematical rules for adding, subtracting, multiplying and dividing vectors…one of the rules is that if you add two vectors of equal number but exactly opposite directions, the sum is 0. So, okay, imagine a number line that looks like the thing below…

    ———————-0———————-

    So let’s say the 0 (the origin) is the present moment, that all of the line going off to your left is the past, and that all of the line going off to your right is the future. Now you’ve got the vector problem described above where if you add 2 vectors of the same size but opposite directions the sum is nothing, so you can say that if you add the past and the future you will find that the present moment does not exist. And, well, if the moment doesn’t exist, then how does the past or the future exist? And, since we only exist in the moment (which we just proved doesn’t exist) then we don’t exist either. What do you guys think? It is a great mystery out there, no? Or is this kind of discussion inappropriate here?
    I woke up feeling like me and not this new cancer-patient-me that everyone has turned me into since I was diagnosed. I am more than a cancer patient…I am an author and an artist and a musician and a wife and a mother and a believer in God. I am funny and introverted and I love animals and home and rain and my beautiful children. I am so much more than a cancer patient, and I woke up this morning feeling like me. It’s wearing off now, but for a few minutes here I was me.

    Hi Sarah, I am so glad to hear of your wonderful feeling this morning. We have to find someway to help make those feeling last through the day.
    I thank you for sharing a part of your life with me here. You are so right, you are much more than a cancer patient as I am much more than a heat failure patient. We are not statistics, we are people. It is good to let the world know who you/we are. You have done much and have much in your life to be proud of. You go girl, celebrate your life. Shout it from the roof tops, this is who I am and I am proud to be me.
    Now, I am going to have to give that whole vector bit some thought before I even try to comment on it.
    You questioned if posting something like that was appropriate for posting here. My rules for the blog are pretty simple. Anyone, everyone is welcome to post any thoughts they may have. The only comments I will not allow and will delete on seeing them are comments that are derogatory to anyone or any group. Thankfully, I could count on one hand the number of such comments I have received and deleted.

  12. Sarah Jordan says:

    I want to be brave…I want to die with dignity and autonomy and certainty of faith…I want to show my children how to die as well as how to live, but the closer I get to death the less dignified and autonomous and faithful I become, and I fear that I will die with hysteria and cowardice and doubt, and I will show my children the worst of the human spirit instead of the best. I want to be brave and admirable. I want to be remembered for my courage. I want to be remembered going gently into the Light without struggle or regret. I want to be brave. I want to be brave.

  13. Sarah Jordan says:

    planetcity1, My kids are in the middle of self-publishing my novel to sell on Amazon.com because they know it was always a dream of mine to have a book published.

  14. Mel says:

    Sarah……Those fleeting moments of being more than my disease are ones I tried to embrace and hang on to. I still try. For me, for them….for Him who made me ALL that I am.
    And waking in the grips of fear wondering ‘Am I here–or is this the otherside of life’….I don’t miss those moments. Or maybe I do–they kept things in a very different perspective, magnified things that I let ‘time’ delude me into believing different about. And the further I allow myself to get away from that being the reality— *sigh*

    I KNOW better–experienced more….

    Sarah–you write beautifully. Crystal clear–familiar things that lay in a book in a box in the closet. How pompous of me to think myself ‘past’ that….. I’m graced with today. THIS moment that may or may not truly exist (anywhere except in my mind’s eye…..)

    Jo……You know I’m a praying kinda gal….it’s just what I do. And I pray for peace….in all things, for all people.
    I pray in thanksgiving for how very well G-d’s taken care of everyone…even when it’s not felt like it.

    (((((((((((((( Jo )))))))))))))))))
    Thank you. For being the friend that some of us don’t let ourselves be, yaknow?

    (((((((((((( Sarah )))))))))))))

    I’m so glad you remained–and that you speak your truth.
    Never alone……NEVER.
    (I think you’ve just been adopted, btw…..)

    Bill–
    You know.
    Leastwise–I hope you do by now.

    ((((((((((( Bill ))))))))))))))
    (loved beyond measure….that’s just how it is……)

  15. Sarah Jordan says:

    Thank you, Mel. Since I’m “new” here, would you mind telling me your story.

  16. planetcity1 says:

    Sarah:
    I’m glad the novel is being published; I’ll start saving so I can be one to own a copy. 🙂 Do you have the title ready???

    We all are more than the sum of our ailments, though at times it is hard to remember that. If someone forgets that you are more than a patient, be sure and tell them. Just because you’ve been diagnosed doesn’t mean you have to give up being who you are.

    As for vectors, perhaps time isn’t that unwavering line at all…
    I tend to think God would be more creative 😉

    p.s. — If you have artwork to share, I know of at least two on this site who would be interested in that… And you must tell us about your music. What instrument/instruments? What style?

    Peace-filled days, my friends, peace-filled nights…

  17. Sarah Jordan says:

    Hi planetcity1, The novel’s title is Fat Boy.
    The last time I was at the oncologist’s, I took a picture of me when I was well and a little younger and not this skeleton he’s used to seeing and gave it to him. “This is me,” I said, looking him in the eyes. “This is me.”
    I think maybe time doesn’t exist in the way we normally think of it existing…we just can’t understand God’s magic while we’re here.
    I have a couple of pictures but feel embarrassed to share them since I’m self taught and paint with a clumsy and untalented hand. I play classical piano and rock guitar.

  18. planetcity1 says:

    Sarah:

    Call me Diane or planet, planetcity1 is far too long.

    I was at an Art Guild meeting once where folks brought in pictures of themselves when they were younger, and even trained eyes couldn’t match up those faces with the people they knew.

    [I am a better poet than I am an artist, and the artwork I’ve done has been limited to a few pieces done on the computer, most of which I lost when my hard drive unexpectedly crashed.]

    Classical piano AND rock guitar??? — how I wish that I had such talent —
    my fingers are far too clumsy to ever have started to conquer either.

    I find it fascinating how we lock in our mind a picture of who we believe ourselves to be. I often wonder if others see even a smidgen of us as we see ourselves.

    I have written down the title of your book so I don’t forget to seek it out.

    Peace-filled days, my friends, peace-filled nights…

  19. Sarah Jordan says:

    Thank you, Diane [planet :)],
    I took the picture to my oncologist because he seemed not to realize I was more than my tumor(s). I think it made him mad at first, but I noticed that he treated me more like a person after that.
    I’m sorry you lost your artwork. I don’t know about you, but the serious things I paint are like my children, and it would be terrible to lose them.
    My mother forced me into ten years of classical piano lessons…I took up guitar in my forties kind of as a homage to rebellion against the piano. 🙂
    If my kids actually get the book on Amazon, I’ll send you a copy for free.
    God’s peace be with you today.

  20. planetcity1 says:

    Of course you are more than your tumors.

    [I used to drive Medicaid patients to medical appointments and noticed two types of responses from oncologists and those dealing with dialysis patients; one type would strictly stick to the medical analysis come hell or high water, and the other would continually crack jokes with the patients. Both ways, I think, are an emotional defense mechanism to counteract the sheer number of patients they must lose over the course of their careers. Doctors and nurses are human too and subject to life’s frailties; I think we sometimes forget that in our dealings with them, so focused are we on that possible cure.]

    I was sad losing my artwork, but jumped for joy when I realized I had my last
    batch of poems saved to CD.

    I like to listen to classical piano, but understand the need for that rebellious guitar; sometimes Moms can be a bit irritating in assuming that only they know what is good for us 😉

    I was thinking about the title to your book — does it refer to the bomb that was dropped on Nagasaki???

    l’m definitely looking forward to receiving a copy, no matter the subject, because I already know that you write well.

    Peace-filled days, my friend, peace-filled nights…

  21. Sarah Jordan says:

    Diane,
    I actually asked my oncologist how he dealt with us…the long line of living dead…passing through his office. He said, in a rare moment of personal revelation, that we reminded him of his own destiny and sometimes it was hard for him to look us in the eyes. (I was never focused on a cure…I have lung cancer…no cure except death.)
    The Hiroshima/Nagasaki bombs were Fat Man and Little Boy. My book is about 4 12-year-old friends who live in a tiny village in Pennsylvania who tell a lie to save a friend that ends up getting someone killed.
    I hope you’re feeling well today and God’s peace on you.

  22. planetcity1 says:

    Sarah:

    re: Fat Man/Little Boy… it seems i am mentally dyslexic again; can i chalk that one up to allergy meds, or should i just fess up to being plain wrong???

    [mmm…Mel says to fess up and take my lumps…]

    By the way, she won’t say so cuz she’s modest, but Mel has a neat Blog that helps her and her readers keep their priorities straight, with an occasional side trip into the land of bubbles and brightness and rubber ducks :o)

    I once wrote a partial line for a poem that went like this: “we are all born dying” — i think once we acknowledge that, it compels us to think in different terms about the way we live

    I do know the effects of lung cancer, as i took many a person to their chemo treatments, still, i like to imagine that some can escape its awful grasp…perhaps because a loved one has recently been diagnosed…

    I look forward to reading your book.

    Peace-filled days, my friend, peace-filled nights…

  23. Sarah Jordan says:

    Diane,
    There’s this new biological agent called Tarceva that works on a small percentage of lung cancer and pancreatic cancer patients…it can prolong their lives for years. I tried it but it almost killed me. I hope your relative is offered a chance to take Tarceva and is one that it works for.
    Don’t be embarrassed about the Fat Man/Little Boy vs Fat Boy thing…just after I’d finished the book I thought ‘oh no, I can’t name it that…wasn’t that the name of the Hiroshima bomb?’ We’re all the same.
    God’s peace,

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