Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Two ways to look at everything

I spent some quiet time in my meditation chair yesterday. I focused primarily on my life as it is today. I needed that time.

Yesterday, was one of my “head” days. I can alternate between feeling light headed and dizzy to having a thick head. Either way it can make it difficult to consentrate. I can only imagine some of my posts may reflect the day I am having, I never read them.

I know I went on a ramble about frustration. I guess my purpose had been to try and give people at least an idea of the level of frustration that can be felt by those that are ailing. It is easier to accept and deal with something if you have an understanding of it. I hope I was able to give at least a little bit of an understanding.

I know I started off with how I was feeling frustrated. I am not sure I really explained the why I am feeling this way. The simple act of breathing is something we never even give thought to. Who needs to think about it, the body just automatically does it. We take it for granted, that is until you have difficulties with it. My heart failure causes me constant shortness of breath. This obviously restricts a lot of physical activity. I just stopped for a minute here and went to get a cup of coffee. Doing that and I am back huffing and puffing like a steam engine.

It is not only activity but weather affects the breathing as well. Weather affecting your breathing is something I certainly had not thought of before, but it does. Both ends of the thermomiter do, to hot or too cold, too hot and throw in some humidity and it is wicked.

We are in the midst of one of our Canadian winters and it is cold. Cold enough that my outside physical activities are really zero. Here in lies my frustration. Next door neighbor Art is a true Earth Angel, any amount of snow and he is over with his snow blower. Thank you so much Art.

The other morning I looked out the window and saw there had been a very slight snow fall. Maybe 1/4 inch if even that much. Hardly enough to bother with but still should be removed or as people walk on it, it will become packed down and icy. Now surely I can handle that, it is such a small amount of the light fluff snow. No actual shovelling required just push the shovel down the side walk. I don’t even know what the temperature was, maybe -30 with the wind maybe -40. A minute or two of that and I was gasping, back in the house leaving even such a simple job undone. Frustrated and I suppose feeling a bit of disappointment in myself, can’t even do something as simple as that.

Yesterday, in the meditation chair I gave my head a bit of a shake. I know there are always 2 ways of looking at everything. I needed to look within and find the other way.

Then it hit me, I am a lucky man. Now I would bet there are millions of people out there that would give almost anything NOT to have to shovel snow. I have it made, I never have to shovel snow, no one will ever ask me to or expect it of me. I have what millions wish for, I am a lucky man.


6 Responses to Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Two ways to look at everything

  1. Diane B. says:

    Hi Bill. Asthmatics also go thru these types of breathing probs — the meds are a little off, or the weather changes, and, poof, just like that, the plans one has for the day must change to accommodate the needs of the body.

    It’s difficult for the brain to assimilate this change; it sends the “Go, Go, Go” signal no matter what.

    [It’s kinda like hitting the gas pedal when the parking brake on a car is still engaged. You can give it more gas, but as long as the brake is engaged, the car will stay sluggish.]

    One of the toughest things to do is to give yourself permission to do what you can, when you
    can, and, like a mountaineer, trust and allow the other expedition members to take up slack
    as needed.

    It’s only through give and take that we have the opportunity to take in the sunlit view from the peak.

    Hi Diane and welcome. I thank you for your comment. I love the last paragraph about giving and taking, I am going to make it to that peak.

  2. Mel says:

    Yup…my very first lesson from WPIML–there’s more than one way to look at things.
    I can forget that sometimes.

    I know ANY limitation from what I’ve been capable of doing–makes me rip roaring angry. I don’t like asking for help–and I don’t accept it very graciously, truth be told……leastwise not from the general public.
    But I’ve had to LET it happen given the circumstances that have come into my life on occasion. Still didn’t like it……but boy–I was grateful that option was available to me.

    I don’t get to retire the snow shovel JUST yet–but that day’ll come.
    I hope I’ll be able to do that with at least an ounce of dignity and grace.

    How about we both be good to ourselves!

    Mel, here is a big hug right back to you. Why do you think it is, that we both find it so difficult to accept help from others or to accept our physical limitations. A life lesson I am working on.
    Hey, here is my chance to take advantage of looking at things the other way. I can gloat I don’t have to shovel snow and you do, so there.

  3. Irene says:

    Dear Bill,
    I know it’s not easy to be philosophical first thing in the morning, but perhaps your life (and mine, too) is the way it is because that’s exactly how it is supposed to be? I sense that there’s got to be a purpose to every “crummy” or “yummy” thing that happens to us. Everything that happens has a lesson for us or for someone else, so we’re either teaching or learning all day–every day. That thought acts as a filter to my actions and reactions. Unfortunately I don’t always teach the right stuff and sometimes I don’t understand the lesson, but I’ll keep trying. I find peace in that and hope you do too. Peace and light to you, Wiseman.

    Irene, wisewoman. this is such a powerful comment. You have it so right on. Life lessons are constantly flowing in every direction around us. Plus to and from us. We can learn and grow from everyone and every situation. Sometimes I know I am just a slow leaner.

  4. Lorri says:

    Take care, Bill.

    Weather can affect us, emotionally, besides physically. Winter’s dreary days can often cause depression in individuals…known as “Seasonal Affective Disorder”. I don’t suffer from that, but know of someone close to me who does.

  5. venus00 says:

    No, my friend, we are the lucky ones to have another day with you in our lives. I haven’t been around as often as I’d like but you are in my thoughts and I hope you are feeling better soon.

  6. Amy Klinka says:

    Hi Bill,
    None of us knows when our time will end. This past Sunday I was helping my husband get ice off the driveway and fell right on the back of my head. My husband said he heard it hit. I’m thinking please God let me be ok. I was, thankfully. But sometimes we need a reminder of this time is not going to last forever. Could be a car accident, heart attack, aneurisym you just don’t know. I am glad you try to live life to your fullest. I wouldn’t be out at -25 or more below either. That is what we are expected to be at tomorrow.

    Even with the weather being so cold though there is always something beautiful to see. The clear blue sky, the sunlight, the knowledge that you are in a safe warm house, the love of family, and knowing others care. Just wanted you to know I’ve been thinking of you and I know you appreciate the beauty in everything.
    Wish things were easier for you.
    Will visit soon again.

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