I spent some quiet time in my meditation chair yesterday. I focused primarily on my life as it is today. I needed that time.
Yesterday, was one of my “head” days. I can alternate between feeling light headed and dizzy to having a thick head. Either way it can make it difficult to consentrate. I can only imagine some of my posts may reflect the day I am having, I never read them.
I know I went on a ramble about frustration. I guess my purpose had been to try and give people at least an idea of the level of frustration that can be felt by those that are ailing. It is easier to accept and deal with something if you have an understanding of it. I hope I was able to give at least a little bit of an understanding.
I know I started off with how I was feeling frustrated. I am not sure I really explained the why I am feeling this way. The simple act of breathing is something we never even give thought to. Who needs to think about it, the body just automatically does it. We take it for granted, that is until you have difficulties with it. My heart failure causes me constant shortness of breath. This obviously restricts a lot of physical activity. I just stopped for a minute here and went to get a cup of coffee. Doing that and I am back huffing and puffing like a steam engine.
It is not only activity but weather affects the breathing as well. Weather affecting your breathing is something I certainly had not thought of before, but it does. Both ends of the thermomiter do, to hot or too cold, too hot and throw in some humidity and it is wicked.
We are in the midst of one of our Canadian winters and it is cold. Cold enough that my outside physical activities are really zero. Here in lies my frustration. Next door neighbor Art is a true Earth Angel, any amount of snow and he is over with his snow blower. Thank you so much Art.
The other morning I looked out the window and saw there had been a very slight snow fall. Maybe 1/4 inch if even that much. Hardly enough to bother with but still should be removed or as people walk on it, it will become packed down and icy. Now surely I can handle that, it is such a small amount of the light fluff snow. No actual shovelling required just push the shovel down the side walk. I don’t even know what the temperature was, maybe -30 with the wind maybe -40. A minute or two of that and I was gasping, back in the house leaving even such a simple job undone. Frustrated and I suppose feeling a bit of disappointment in myself, can’t even do something as simple as that.
Yesterday, in the meditation chair I gave my head a bit of a shake. I know there are always 2 ways of looking at everything. I needed to look within and find the other way.
Then it hit me, I am a lucky man. Now I would bet there are millions of people out there that would give almost anything NOT to have to shovel snow. I have it made, I never have to shovel snow, no one will ever ask me to or expect it of me. I have what millions wish for, I am a lucky man.