Happy birthday to my young friend Chad. Yesterday, you turned 18 and you are recognized as being a man. Well I recognize and see you as a fine and good man. I hope your day was great and that you celebrate many many more.
I want to thank all those that took the time to share their inspirational stories with me. Reading such do help me and I am sure many others, I do thank you. I hope many more such sharings will continue to roll in.
I know within my heart I do not fear death or dying. I am not sure maybe dread is a better word. I start thinking about this and my mind just starts going around and around in circles. I mean how could I possibly dread the thought of going to such a wonderful place as I know awaits me? Well I most certainly don’t dread that part.
So what is it that I do dread or hate the very thought of. I dread and hate the thought of the pain and hurt it will be causing my family and loved ones. Has it been helpful that we have all had time to “prepare” for this event? I hope so. But, I still have to wonder how prepared can you actually be? For me this is the biggest issue.
I do have though a second personal dread. Over the years I have been told by many doctors and nurses that I have a high pain threshold, or tolerance for pain. To that I say WRONG!!!! I think I am a big baby when it comes to dealing with pain, maybe I just manage to hide it well. I dread the thought of pain being involved with anything (see what I mean about being a big baby). I suppose I can just say I dread the thought of leaving this world in a lot of pain.
Even with that I still know I will have the easier or better part of the whole deal. I recognize and appreciate it is so much harder on the families and loved ones. I will have moved on to a wonderful place leaving all behind to hurt and grieve in this physical world.
I know I will be in loving hands when I leave this physical body of that I have no doubt. Does it make sense for me to say it is more the last days, hours or minutes left in this physical body that I fear or dread the thought of. I know there is a lot of medication and such that can be used to ease or eliminate pain. I have had a lot of such medications over the years and know, yes it takes away the pain but also can make me sleepy or groggy at best. Maybe it is that I want to have my cake and eat it too. I want to be wide awake and alert, I want to live every moment I can, but the baby in me doesn’t want the pain. Can I, will I have both I guess only time will tell.
Maybe, this dread of which I speak could be describes along the lines of. You are on a wonderful vacation, having the time of your life. As all vacations do you know it will end, but you don’t want it to end, you dread the thought of it ending. You would like it to go on forever or at least for a much longer time. As the days of the vacations dwindle away you dread the thought of it ending even more as each day passes. Does that make sense? You don’t really fear it ending you more just dread the thought.