Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Life can change in a second


I have written many times about our journey through life, of being on the highway of life. Of how I see the highway of life having many twists and turns, smooth driving, rough spots, constructions spots and even unexpected detours.

I have also written of how we should never dispair as on this highway of life we just never know what awaits us around the next bend or turn in the road. I know this, I believe this but I somehow allowed myself to forget it. When I say allowed myself to forget it, that is what happened, I allowed it to happen. Did I really forget? Well no. I even sat down and reminded myself of it. I guess I was just in such a mood that I wasn’t even prepared to listen to myself in one of my own little pep talks. I was feeling down and just seemed to want to wallow for a while, woe is me, poor me. I have heard it said that everyone is entitled every once in a while to have a day like that, why would anyone want one, is my question.

OK, what got me down? MY MEMORY or LACK OF IT. Memory loss is an amazing thing in that 99% of the time it doesn’t bother you at all. You just blissfully carry on, totally unaware of what or how much you have forgotten, no problem at all. That is until something in life jumps up and hits you in the face, clearly reminding you of how much you are forgetting. Makes you sit back and really wonder how much have I forgotten about life, huh, don’t know.

There is a research department working with my heart failure clinic following certain patients. I am happy to participate, anything I can do that may further research and possibly come up with future treatment options or what ever. I know I have already shared most of this. It was during a telephone chat with this research group that my memory jumped up to bite me and drag my spirits down. When you are feeling like that, who cares about the “highway of life” and the next bend in the road coming up.

It is strange, even at the time when I was allowing myself to wallow, I knew my daughter was going to have her baby the very next day. Labor was going to be induced so we knew the day. I have been excited about this for months. The excitement has been building for months. I was jubilant, I could hardly wait. Yet somehow, a smack in the face by the realities of life knocked me right off of that excitement ride. Suddenly, nothing seemed as important as wallowing. I told myself this to shall pass and it did in a split second.

Your life, your whole world can literally change that fast, in a split second. The next morning, the big day, I phoned Billied early in the morning to see how everything was and to find exact times for when she would be going to the hospital. The night before they hadn’t been sure of times, and would be awaiting a phone call from the hospital as to when to go for the induction.

As it turned out the hospital had already called wanting them there as soon as possible. Billie and Rob had already left for the hopsital. That is when it hit me. My grand daughter will be entering this world in a matter of hours. Suddenly, who cares about memory, who cares about anything else? My spirits, my mood, my world changed in that instant. I can say my world changed because really what is my world? Physical conditions, physical surroundings or conditions really are not my world. My “world” really is contained within my head. My world, your world everyone’s world is created and carried within our own heads. It is how we see things, preceive things around us. Nothing else matters beyond how we see it, preceive it to be.

In a split second I went from poor me to being the most excited guy in the world. I truly was blessed that day with the birth of my grand daughter and I am still feeling on top of the world. I am such a happy and very lucky man.

Now, granted the arrival of a grand daughter is a very major event. One that can’t help but bring joy to the heart.

I suppose this just really re-enforced in my mind the knowledge. My world is entirely as I preceive it. My memory is still no better than it was a few days ago, but who cares. Living life, loving life, loving those around us is really what matters and is really what creates our worlds, or preception of what is going on around us.

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7 Responses to Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Life can change in a second

  1. Juanita says:

    Don’t worry about those “WOE IS ME” days, we all have them, but we all don’t get the blessig of a beautiful granddaughter. The pictures you sent me are precious. She is beautiful. How did Billie and Rob like your poem, to Emery? Well, you have a great day, with NO pity parties!!! LOL Oh, one more thing have you had a chance to hold Emery yet?
    Love ya, my friend,
    Juanita

  2. Irene says:

    Dear Bill,
    Congrats Grandpa!!! Everyone needs to have down days so that we enjoy the up days even more. How could we get our “highs” if we never experience the “lows”? It’s the ying and yang of life that makes it so interesting. I think the tough and ugly parts are supposed to be there as much as the easy and pretty parts. How we think about the bad events are more important than the events themselves. Someone once said that it takes courage on a daily basis to find something ultimately positive and meaningful about life and ourselves. Loving life is perhaps the highest form of courage there can be. The world will not devote itself to making us happy. Only we can do/choose that–it’s all about choices–and sometimes we all just need to choose to wallow! Thinking about you and your family often, Wiseman.
    Irene

  3. Jo Hart says:

    (Irene) – Couldn’t have said it better myself, expect your words are much more gracefull than mine. I notice that you always call Bill Wiseman, well you my friend fit in that catorgory too.

    Bill – I was about to write similar to Irene, I agree whole heartedly, how can we have the highs if we never experience the lows. Irene has written it perfectly.

  4. novice101 says:

    Bill, I like this piece. It reminds me of what I’m being taught – that we let our minds wander instead of us mastering it to do what we command (” Memory loss is an amazing thing in that 99% of the time it doesn’t bother you at all. You just blissfully carry on, totally unaware of what or how much you have forgotten, no problem at all”.)

    I’m told time and again that I should practise on being mindful and keep awareness about me, i.e. do these day in and day out till they become my habits (till they are second nature) but, like you, though totally knowing this I still don’t do it (“…I believe this but I somehow allowed myself to forget it. When I say allowed myself to forget it, that is what happened, I allowed it to happen. Did I really forget? Well no. I even sat down and reminded myself of it. I guess I was just in such a mood that I wasn’t even prepared to listen to myself in one of my own little pep talks”.)

    Looks like there is a way out but the success of it depends soley on us!!!

  5. Mel says:

    Well said, sir.

    And well said, Irene.

    I like having the power of choice–it’s a powerful thing to possess.

    Pictures of the new grandbaby! Oh, what a proud and happy moment in time.
    Regards to the parents–and hugs all the way around.

    <–going forth and choosing wisely, thanks to the reminder.

  6. mspennylane says:

    You are completely right. It takes a lot of strength to get out of those moods sometimes, something I keep learning every day but reading blogs like this really helps 🙂

    mspennylane, I agree about the strength needed so very often. Thank you for your kind thoughts.
    Bill

  7. clary says:

    Congratulations!!!!!! One more joy to add to your long list of blessings in your life. Enjoy each and every moment. 🙂

    Hi Clary. I am enjoying every moment. Thank you
    Bill

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