Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Capacity to Love


I don’t know how to describe myself right now. Maybe a big pile of mush with love over flowing in every fiber of my being. Just minutes ago I got to see the first pictures of my new grand daughter. To try and even describe this feeling of love is beyond any words I can find. It is wonderful.

As humans our capacity to feel love is just beyond my understanding. This applies to all forms of love but here I am thinking specifically of the love I have for my daughters and in turn grand daughters. This feeling of love is such an amazingly wonderful thing, I am just blown away by it. I just don’t know how we can love so much, but I am really glad we can and do.

I have obviously known my daughter was for about 7 or 8 months or what ever it has been. Now the very second I heard the news, the wee one that has ultimately become little Miss Emery, jumped right into my heart. That love that I felt was real right from that very first second.

This next part is really hard to describe. I am not sure maybe it is because I am male or maybe it is just me. I look back to when my daughters were born. Threw out the pregnancies I was happy, overjoyed at the thought of being a father. My heart did feel that love right from the first moment I learned of the pregnancy. Maybe, I am just not good at conceptual ideas and things. I knew there was a baby growing in the mom’s tummy. Does it make any sense to say some how it feel complete or that I was a dad until I actually saw her for the first time. I was in the delivery room and saw both of my daughters come into this world. The most amazing and life changing moments.

When Billie was born, she in a very good way, hit me like a ton of bricks. Suddenly, she was more than a concept or an idea she was there she was real. In a split second the love I had been carrying in my heart vanished, to be replaced instantly by an overwhelmingly powerful fathers love. My heart was bursting at the seams with love and that feeling has never waivered through the years.

When I learned of the second pregnacy, I was just as overjoyed, excited and happy as I had been for the first one. I had all the same wonderful feelings all over again. I am almost embarassed to admit it but I did actually have a few private moments of worry. Worring, could I possible love a second child as much as the first????

Well, second daughter Shauna answered that question for me. Again I was in the delivery room and she hit my heart with that same ton of bricks. My heart was bursting with love from that very first second and again has never waiver through the years.

Through time, my daughters grew and married. In time I was so happy and excited to learn Billie and Rob were going to bless me with a grand child. Start that whole process all over again. The love is felt instantly. I have to wonder why is it that for me, I have to see the baby or at least a picture, before that wonderful “ton of bricks” hits my heart. The very instant I saw my first picture of my beautiful little princess Sage, she hit my heart with her wonderful “ton of bricks”.

To my little Angel, Emery, I just saw your picture for the very first time and you hit my heart like a sweet ton of bricks. I love you so much and am so very glad you are here. I am such a lucky man

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7 Responses to Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Capacity to Love

  1. Juanita says:

    Could you be feeling the following:

    To Emery

    You stepped into my world so small
    I never imagined how hard I’d fall
    An unbelievable dream to live
    All my love to you , I give.

    I hope I never make you blue.
    I wonder what I have ever done to deserve you?
    I’m happy to be your grandpa for the rest of your life
    And,my prayer is you have a life without strife.

    Forever is what I dream of for you
    There’s so much I want to say and do
    I don’t know where I should start,
    So I’ll begin by saying, you have my heart.

    Today I make this promise so true
    Sealed with a sweet, little kiss for you
    My love for you will always be
    For you are my granddaughter and family.

    From Grandpa

    I know this is how I felt with all 5 grandkids and all 4 great-grandkids. They are the loves of my life and bring me a lot of happiness. Enjoy Bill, enjoy. Love Juanita

    Juanita, this is I think the most beautiful thing I have ever read and I thank you so much for sharing it. Did you write it yourself.
    You have caught my feelings exactly. I am emailing it to Emery right now.
    Thank you
    Bill

  2. Author says:

    I’m so thrilled for you. This is how I felt when my own two little grandchildren were born. I never imagined I’d feel such love for my grandchildren – and when I did it knocked me for six. I adore them.

    Sage is a beautiful name – she is just bound to be very wise.

    Hello Author, thank you for the visit and the comment. The love one holds for a grand child is amazing, it is total and complete.
    Hope you stop by again.
    Bill

  3. Jo Hart says:

    Bill your excitment is catching. That love is just the most over whelming feeling us as humans can possibly feel. It is such a wonderful feeling.

    Juanita – What a beautiful poem did you write that yourself?

    Congratsulations to you all again.

    Hi Jo, you can tell I am kind of excited and very happy, well I really am. You are right about the power of love.
    Thank you my friend
    Bill

  4. Kim Williams says:

    as a recent grandpa, i can relate. feel, man, feel it!

    Hi Kim, I am feeling it and reveling in every moment of that feeling
    Thanks for stopping by.
    Bill

  5. Mel says:

    Ohhhhh……well–I’m thinkin’ I’m about to experience this one. The girl sent on a photo of her peanut.
    Strange thing–even though I have two grandbabies already (which I’ve not been privileged to be involved with) there’s this something brewing in me.
    Tentatively, cuz we don’t know that she’ll go to term cuz of other factors….but it’s still brewing…

    I’m so glad for you, g’pa Bill.

    *hugs to you both!*

    Mel, my dear friend, I thank you so much for your good wishes. Congratulations on the pending addition to your family. I hope and pray all goes well. Your comment has me a little worried about you and I will be contacting you directly by email.
    You and all are in my heart, my thoughts and prayers.
    Bill

  6. mspennylane says:

    I have yet to experience this love for a child or grandchild but it sounds absolutely amazing, thanks for sharing your thoughts.

  7. Sharon says:

    Bill

    Thank you for sharing. It’s amazing where these new supplies of love spring from isn’t it?? You think before children come along that it’s one lot of love to share around but no, God sends a whole new delivery of unabounding love along with each new blessing. Wonderful!!!

    So glad to see you so happy and enjoying your new granddaughter. Bless you xx

    Pax

    Sharon xx

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