Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Humbled and Shocked

The past couple of days I have been walking around almost awe struck. I looked at and really thought about the stats that have accumulated for this my journal. Each of the individual statistics the site shows me has a very special meaning to me.

As of now I see just over 154,000 hits, WOW. So very far beyond anything I had ever dreamed of. I remember back to when I first started the blog. I was totally intrigued by the number of hits and would often run down to the computer 4 or 5 times a day just to see if anyone had signed on. I don’t remember but I am sure the first week I likely had about 20 hits or something like that and I was amazed that 20 people from somewhere around the world would read my ramblings. I questioned WHY would anyone really bother taking the time to read my stuff? As the numbers continue to rise I still so wonder, WHY? I am just some average guy sitting in his basement in Winnipeg.

What really hit me the other day was that I saw I had jut put up post #500. It seems almost hard to believe I have put up 500 posts, so many more than I had ever thought possible.

I think back to when I started blogging almost 2 years ago. The old heart was acting up a bit. I wasn’t feeling all that well physically or even emotionally. Only once have I ever been given any sort of time guestimate as to how much longer I have. Back then it felt important for me to know, I wanted to know. I suppose I felt that if in fact the doctors felt I had only a matter of weeks to go then I would certainly be living that time differently than if it was thought I had a much longer time left on this earth. My family doctor at the time was relatively young and inexperienced but none the less an excellent doctor. I remember him being very reluctant, hesitant to give me any sort of estimate as to how much longer I had left. I persisted and realize now I essentially bullied him into giving me a time estimate. His words are burned into my mind: “there is no way to tell, could be 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months, a year, maybe a year and one half or even 2 if you are lucky.” I can’t remember the exact date but I do know it was in the first week of November that he gave the the “news”. It was at the end of September almost 2 years later that I started the blog. I was within 5 or 6 weeks of the magic “2 years if you are lucky date.” Almost on cue the heart had started to act up. Heart rate would just take off and start beating at over 200 beats per minute and I really just was not feeling well. It was only months before that, I had learned of the brain tumor and had been diagnosed with epylspse and sleep apnea. I was indeed struggling physically and emtionally. I did think I had a decent handle on the emotional side but knew I was struggling. This was the end of Sept. and I was questioning if I would even make it to my next birthday which was coming in December. That was when I started the blog. I suppose trying to prepare myself I had done a lot of reading on death and dieing etc and as I thought I was prepared emotionally I could maybe help others in the same situation.

I can’t begin to describe how wonderful this whole blogging expereince has been for me, it has been unbelievable. I did start out with the idea of helping others and am so very gratified when I receive comments that I have indeed positively impacted on someones life, just through my words. I just can’t imagine though that anyone has benefited nearly as much as I have, myself. I just can’t believe the wonderful turn my life has taken in this past 2 years.

Let’s start with the loving supportive comments I have received from so many special kind people. I have often written about and promoted doing random acts of kindness and of the positive affect it can have on the lives of others. I am living proof of that. The kindness and loving support I have received has positively impacted on me in ways I can’t begin to describe. I had to just stop and check, I have received as of right now 3,841 comments and all but a handful have been of such a loving and supportive nature. I do thank all so much.

I couldn’t believe it the supportive encouraging comments began with my very first posting. I have never gone back to read my early posts or really many of them at all, I think I might be to embarrassed at my ramblings. Way back when I had my mailing address here on the blog, have since deleted it. Obviously, I did make it through to that next birthday and was so supprised when 3 readers physically mailed me birthday cards. I got one from the USA, one from the UK and one from India. I was overwhelmed that strangers would take the time to do that for me.

At one point I was going to shut down the blog, I announced that intent saying goodbye and literally with hours a new monitor was delivered to the door from an anonomous benifactor, urging me to continue. I am so greatful.

The kindness of strangers, their loving has just continued to shine through. It has been a very heady, thrilling and honoring experience for me. Really to the point of being unbelievable to me.

I was so honored and thrilled to hear a food drive had been organized in my name, food collected and distributed to the needed. A grove of trees was planted in my name. I have been told of so many acts of kindness be done when I requested them, I don’t even want to try and acknowledge the all here as I just know I would miss some. I just wish to so very deeply thank all.

I have been told of 2 different universities in which part of the blog were used in or as reference matterial in nursing classes. I was told of a school of divinity listing the blog as reference material.

This is just so unbelievable to me, it continues. I was asked to and then participated in a telephone interview with a documentary film company in England. They were doing a documentary on death and dieing and wanted “MY” input.

I was contacted by and participated in a telephone interview with the associate producers of a new TV show coming up in the US.

I was contacted by and again did at telephone interview with associate producers of the Oprah for an upcoming segment they were doing.

The Winnipeg Free Press published an article on me and the blog. Ms Lyndor Reynolds was so very nice and kind to me.

I am currently exchanging emails with a professional film producer. He is interested in coming to do a short film or documentary on me and of the benefits the blog has done for others.

I think of all of this response and I just still have to ask the question. Are you all sure you have the right guy? Do you all realize I am just some average smuck? I just sit in my basement and share my thoughts, nothing more, what ever is in my head that day. I don’t plan my posts, I don’t even proof read them. It is my journal, I just write it and then hit publish. What is there is there, maybe that is why I am almost a little embarrassed to go back and read my previous postings.

I am truly humbled by this whole experience and really do feel unworthy of all the attention I am attracting. I truly hope when I list all of the things that have happened to me, that I don’t come across as bragging in anyway. That is not my intent or my feeling. I am more just in awe or even shock about it all. In own poor way I am trying to say thank you to you all.


5 Responses to Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Humbled and Shocked

  1. Hi Bill,
    Don’t be humbled. Be very proud of yourself, and of all the good that you have done for people. Enjoy the ‘work’ the comments, and the feedback. Most of all keep up the good work.

  2. Jo Hart says:

    We would never take what you do here on the blog as bragging Bill. Like Martha said, be so proud of yourself. What you do for me and for others is just truely wonderful.
    Like Mel said a couple of posts ago, do you really think it is a coincidence that people are drawn to you. Angels lead them to you knowing in some way shape or form that you can help. I don’t know how many times I have gotten on the blog, and you have just the post that I needed to hear for that day.
    You are very special Bill – and we thank you my dear friend.

  3. Mel says:

    <–is not a believer in ‘coincidence’, Bill.

    And I continue to get put back into my ‘place’ every time I come here.
    I don’t say that as a bad thing….it’s a very good thing for me to remember how ‘small’ I am in the scheme of things–how ‘little life interferences’ are just that….little.

    You remind me of all things good and true.
    The noise goes away and I can hear what you’re saying before it’s read, yaknow?

    “Here” is a very good place for me to come to…….cuz you’ve made it that way.
    And The Big Guy’s made the arrangements for you to be here to do that, for a host of us, for a host of reasons……so it’s all good!

    When’s the last time I reminded you of how very loving, lovable and loved you are?
    (thinkin’ I just did…..)

    ((((((((((((((( Bill )))))))))))))))))

    <–comment number 3,844 πŸ˜‰

  4. Irene says:

    Dear Bill,
    I sure have to agree with Mel. Every time I come to this post I get “righted”–my path becomes much clearer and easier to navigate and am much more resolved to not just do things right, but more importantly to do the right things.
    You call yourself just an ordinary shmuck–we wouldn’t want it any other way. Nothing fancy, nothing airy-fairy, nothing too difficult to understand–just straight from the heart. It’s an international language that doesn’t even need words–it’s called love.
    Have a great day and thanks for helping me be part of the human wall, Wiseman.

  5. Trent says:

    they’re making a movie on you? I smell an acadamy award πŸ˜‰

    Hi Trent, I got a real chuckle out of your comment. Picture me strutting around chest puffed out, hitching up my pants saying: yuh, yuh, yuh, I have been nominated for an oscar under the category, biggest smuck of the year. Hey, as my nephew you could be nominated under the category most handsome guy.
    Actually, there is no movie. but I am exchanging emails with the producer of short films and documentaries. He feels the lives I have touched via the blog is a story worth telling. I am kind of in shock or just dumbfounded by this whole thing.
    Nothing is finalized but it does sound quite promising that the project will go ahead. I will keep you informed as to things as they develop. Let’s not get to excited about this until we do know for sure it is going to happen.
    Uncle Bill

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