Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Acknowledging there are good men


Feeling pretty tired right now and would love to had off for a nap. Will be doing that in a while but it is just not practical at this moment. Everyday I take pills to help me pass water. By them selves they aren’t enough and I slowly retain water. Every 4 or 5 days depending on my weight gain I then take a much stronger pill. Today is one of those days and I will be running to the bathroom every 5 or 10 minutes. Makes any sort of nap kind of difficult. It just means I will enjoy the nap all the more when I do get to it. I have been thinking about a post I did a few days ago. I wrote of how I see the physical beauty of a woman as being ageless. I hear and read so often of women that seem to feel beauty fades with age or fitness level or what ever. That is just not true. Now be clear, I know the real beauty lies within. That beauty is also ageless, in fact increases as time goes by. We all grow from our experiences. Physical beauty is never a yardstick by which anyone should be measured. By writing of physical beauty, I suppose I hope to reassure all ladies that age and time do not diminish your physical beauty, which like it of not is the way so many seem to see themselves. I am trying to say something nice hear, just not sure if I am finding the words to express what I really feel. It occurred to me, that while I am sure they are out there, I have never seen anything of the sort written by a woman about men. I have read in a lot of places, a lot of men bashing and in many individual cases this is very understandable and justified. I can only hope that not all men are painted with the same brush because of a few bad apples. There are bad news stories about men everywhere. I am hoping to hear some good new stories about men. It is like, bad news flourishes and passes quickly and widely, lets see if we can’t try to get some good news being passed around. We all know the world is full of good women, well it is just as full of good men so often it seems we forget they are there. I invite all, no I ask all to please leave me a comment about men in general or your man in particular. Oh, be clear I am not fishing for compliments here and would prefer if comments were directed to your thought on men in general or of your man/men. To get this ball rolling I am going to straight out ask some of my cyber friends to give their thoughts and feelings. I do realize because of individual circumstances this may be more difficult for some than others, but please give it a go. For those of you with a blog should you choose to do it there or as a comment here, either is fine by me. I am hoping for a comment from:

Jo Hart, Jo I know you don’t have your own blog so am looking forward to hearing from you here in a comment.

Simonne As a newly wed, I am sure you can add some thoughts. I hope you will extend them to men in general.

Jennie I realize this may be a difficult one for you because of your circumstances. But it is because of those circumstances I am asking you to share. Possibly your thoughts about men in general.

nunsuch For something like this, hearing the opinion of an actual nun will be interesting to hear.

babychaos BC my friend, I know you are very busy with having just become a new mommy. I really would like to hear from you as time permits, you are my longest blogging friend. You have been with me since virtually the beginning.

PS. to my post. I was just looking at the stats and realize this is post #500 for me. Way more than I ever dreamed of. I thank all that have encouraged me to keep going through the kind comments. I still think I have a lot more to say. By my plans the journal will not be ending anytime soon.

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14 Responses to Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Acknowledging there are good men

  1. Gina says:

    Hi Bill,
    Cliff (my husband) hears man bashing a lot at work since he works with mainly females.

    I will gladly say some good things about men that I have learned from being married to a wonderful man for 10 years.

    Men have a lot on their shoulders because they feel it is necessary for them to provide for their families. In my case, I am Social Security disability and Cliff is the sole bread winner (besides my little SS check). This puts a tremendous amount of pressure on him and I realize that. Mind you he doesn’t talk about it or complain.
    I could name many more things and might do this on my blog soon.

    Hi Gina, I thank you for responding to my request so very quickly. Cliff is obviously a good man and I thank you for telling us about him. Could you give him a pat on the back from me, way to go.
    Bill

  2. Jennie says:

    Just a quick not to let you know I will be happy to blog about good men. Despite my current situation, it’s not difficult for me to see that.

    I appreciated your tree analogy on the beauty of women. I did a little calculation. If I think of birth as spring equinox, around March 20, based on an average life expectancy of 80 years for women in the US, I figure I am in the late October of my life so my leaves are falling. Fortunately, Autumn has always been my favorite season.

    Yes, we women seem to be concerned about aging in a way that men don’t seem to be. Now I know men aren’t as concerned about their physical beauty as women are, but is there something similar for men? Do they fear the loss of muscle strength that comes with aging? Or is it loss of career and money that weighs heavily on them?

    Hi Jennie, I will be looking forward to what every you write and will be checking over on your blog to read it.
    True beauty is ageless, it comes more from within. The physical beauty of a woman never diminishes, changes maybe but never diminishes.
    Do men fear loss of muscle strength as we age? I don’t think so, it just sort of sneaks up on us and we try to laugh of joke it off. Financial issues can be a different thing and yes can cause worry. I become used to being the bread winner, the provider. I suppose gave me a sense of being. Difficult to accept when you are no longer able to do that in the same way.

  3. Bill, Vi is a lucky woman to have you. You are lucky to have her. There are a lot of wonderful men out there. I have one living here with me. Thanks for making me consider that.
    M

    I am sure your hubby is a good man, you are lucky to have each other.

  4. Jo Hart says:

    You know I have alot of wonderful men in my life. I am very blessed. I am fortunate enough that I do not have any that put a drain on me in anyway shape or form.
    Firstly I have a wonderful husband, who at times, yes we tend to agree to disagree alot, we have a wonderful relationship, who actually over the years has grown into something quite wonderful. It’s quite funny, but the two of us are just starting to get it now, as to “maturity” of relationships.
    I have the best dad in the whole wide world. I would not trade him in for a million years. He always knows when to just be there. I think we have a 6th sense with each other. We are extremely close, and have been told by people that we irratate them because we defend each other to the hilt.
    I have a wonderful father – in- law who always seems to know when we need help at home. He’s first there with his gardening gloves to potter around. Not an emotional man, but this is his way of saying “I love you”.
    I have a fantastic brother, who although we work together, and he is slowly taking over dad’s business, I see him working long hours, putting in huge days all for the sake that mum and dad can retire, his and my houses are paid off etc. I don’t think I could ever repay him for that.
    I have 2 beautiful nephews who are 15 & 3. The 15 year old sends me a text every now and then with just “luv ya”. But that says it all.
    I have an amazing bunch of men at work, that feel like part of my family. They are kind, considerate ratbags I like to call them. As it is my dad’s business I am very wary of people taking advantage. We have such a great group of people now, and they work there butts off for us.

    Bill I could go on and on. I consider myself to be extremely lucky, and you know what I do. I feel like a very blessed person.

    I also have to mention you my dear friend. You have given me much advise and wisdom, and I have made some big changes, of yet I am yet to tell you….. It’s very exciting for me, probably boring for others. Will send you an email.

    These are the major players anyway in my life of “MEN”. These are the ones that I care deeply about. I couldn’t & wouldn’t trade any one of them.
    Jo my friend, I am so happy to hear you are so blessed by being surrounded by good men. Please take a moment and thank each one of them for the fine role models of good men that they are.
    Jo you are lucky, but even more important than that you realize how lucky you are. Remember they all are just as lucky to have you in their lives. A person could be the luckiest person in the world but if they don’t realize, appreciate and be grateful for it, it is all for naught.
    Jo, I thank you for the special gift you sent me, I will be watching it over the weekend.
    Bill

  5. Mel says:

    Wellllllllllll…..I’ve thought about this one, Bill.
    And I’m probably going to sound really, really strange…..but what’s new about that, huh? LOL

    I’ve discovered something in my adventure with the Brit.
    And it’s not simply about the Brit….it’s about human beings period.
    We’re pretty darn similar inside….no matter the gender.
    We get different ‘trainings’ in life–cultures, family of origin influences, societial influences, the twisting and bending of roles that folks (of either gender) get tossed or pressed into….
    When you take away all the noise and all the fluff, all the performing…..and you give permission for another human being to just BE all that they are–to speak to all that’s in their heart…..it sounds pretty darn feminine. (that’s as in ‘stereotypically’ feminine)
    k……it sounds very similar. LOL I picked feminine because society makes that insideout BEING a ‘feminine’ deal. *shrugs* I say to heck with that….LOL

    Bestest idea that I’ve ever had interpersonally–was to give each and every human being, male and female, permission to feel what they feel and to just ‘speak’ to it.
    No, you don’t have to be a ‘big boy that doesn’t cry’, no you’re not ‘opening yourself up to be a target’ by letting people know…..speak what you feel and say what’s true for your heart.
    We’re all mush buckets, really…..it’s just a matter of permission giving–and taking that permission for all it’s worth to just BE all we were created to be, yaknow?

    The world is full of fantastic children of G-d.
    They don’t get enough air time.
    People don’t give each other enough permission to just BE who they are from the inside out–void of the demands, roles and eternal/internal pressures (real or imagined).

    I know lots of lovely men…..lovely inside, who dare to break the ‘rules’, who have grand moments when they let themselves speak from the inside, out.

    I get to see YOU do that.
    You think it’s by accident that people are drawn to you?

    šŸ™‚

    Mel, you bring up such an excellent point here. We are all children of God, we all start off EXACTLY the same. From the moment of our birth we are then taught to become the people we are today. Family or origin, culture, religion etc. largely form us into the person seen by the world, or at least to the face we put on for the world to see. I really liked the way you put it: “When you take away all the noise and all the fluff, all the performing…..and you give permission for another human being to just BE all that they are–to speak to all that’s in their heart…..” Take all that away and we still are the same. How do we become able to take away all the “fluff” and really see the person inside. Why does the person inside feel the need to hide behind all the fluff. Expectations of the society they see around them is the answer I would suspect. This has my mind racing I have to do a post on this whole culture/religion thing.
    Mel, as always you are to kind in your comments towards me, but I do appreciate it and thank you.
    Bill

  6. Loretta says:

    Hello…I just ran across your blog . I want to say I know a lot of wonderful men. My husband of 39 years is a one of a kind. He has been with me through thick and thin….and I know always will be.

    My brother in law is another one. My sister is dying of cancer and he does everything for her. Since finding this out in May he has been her rock. I love him so much for the way he is standing by her. Words can not express how wonderful he is being with her.

    I wish you well. I will be back to read some more.

    Loretta

    Hi Loretta, welcome, thank you for stopping by and leaving your comment. I am very happy that you have been blessed with good men in your life. I would appreciate it if you could take a moment and thank them from me, for being outstanding examples of what a real man is.
    Hope to hear from you again.
    Bill

  7. Carrie says:

    Greetings and thank you for your blog!
    There absolutely are wonderful men. My mother turned 89 recently and she has spent a lifetime treasuring and savoring the memory of an older brother who adored her, provided for her, and treated her royaling when she was young. He was her “Earth Angel.”
    I have been deeply touched by an “Earth Angel” who just seemed to be there at some very critical points in my life. I’ve also observed that he has “been there” for many others.
    A dear friend of mine, is the most gentle man I have ever met.
    “There is nothing so strong as gentleness, and nothing so gentle as real strength.”

    Thanks for sharing “yourself” Bill, it means so much!

    Hi Carrie, sorry for the delay in responding. I am very happy to hear you have such wonderful men in your life and even and Earth Angel. Earth Angel’s are around us we just fail so often to recognize them. Please thank each of the men in your life for me, they are outstanding representatives of what men should be like.
    I love your quote: “There is nothing so strong as gentleness, and nothing so gentle as real strength.” That says it all.
    Thank you for the visit and comment, please come again.
    Bill

  8. Jennie says:

    Okay Bill. My post about good men is up:

    http://nomoreverbalabuse.blogspot.com/2008/09/acknowledging-good-men.html

    To follow up on my earlier comment, how about hair? Do men fear losing their hair?

    Hi Jennie, I was over and read your post on men. It is excellent, I certainly hope everyone that reads this will stop over to read what you have to say. I am proud of you and congratulate you on the wonderful prospective you are able to maintain about men in general. In your blog you describe the difficulties a woman faces in an abusive relationship.
    I am proud of you and congratulate you on the wonderful prospective you are able to maintain about men in general. You have not allowed the action of one over grown male to warp your view of men in general. In that you have one of the very reasons for me doing this post.
    I thank you.
    To answer your question, do men fear loosing their hair? I am not sure if it is really fear of more dreading the thought of loosing our hair. I, myself
    and follically (spelling??) challenged. OK I am bald, well nothing on the top. I started loosing my hair in my early 20’s and it did bother me back then. I suppose it bothered me up until I was maybe 40, by that time most of it was gone. Somewhere in there I realized or accepted that for what ever reason this was the way God wants me to look. Really hasn’t bothered me since. I am comfortable with it and that is what matters. This brings up a whole new thought process I am going to have to do a post on. Thanks
    Bill

  9. […] September 4, 2008 at 3:49 pm · Filed under Family, Life, love I have a good man, no a great man. Actually I have many great men in my life. Now do not get me wrong they are not perfect, but then no one is perfect. I wan inspired by this post Acknowledging there are good men out there. […]

  10. breyedlady0603 says:

    I have been reading your blog for about 2 months now and have started to comment many times but have trouble finding the right words. First I want to say you have inspired me to truly enjoy life as it comes even the curve balls. You have a wonderful way with words. I did a post on my blog about the wonderful men in my life.

    http://breyedlady0603.wordpress.com/2008/09/04/there-are-good-men-out-there/

    Hi I would appreciate reading any and all of your comments, never worry about finding the right words. In any situation often there just aren’t any “right words”. Just type what you feel as it comes out and that would be fine.
    Through my words if I have been able to help you enjoy life to the fullest I am very gratified. It makes me feel almost like mission accomplished.
    I popped over to read your blog and see that you are blessed to have so many wonderful men in your life. They are truly representative of what men are or at least should be.
    I thank you for sharing and do hope to hear from you again.
    Bill

  11. babychaos says:

    Hey you! I’m still here but just in case being a new Mum wasn’t enough, we’ve decided to move house as well. Yeh, I know, we like a challenge.

    I agree, men do get bashed. Sexism was crap and it sucked but the point of feminism was that women were equal not more equal. Basically the way I see it, we’re all just people, half of us have different wobbly dangly bits to the other half but when it comes down to it, we’re just human, people, creatures.

    Cheers

    BC

    BC, my dear friend it is so very nice to hear from you. You do have your hands full. A brand new mummy and moving residences at the same time, quite a handful.
    You have described the situation perfectly:
    “the way I see it, we’re all just people, half of us have different wobbly dangly bits to the other half but when it comes down to it, we’re just human, people, creatures.”
    Good luck with the move.
    Bill

  12. Sandy, csj says:

    Hello, Bill!

    Sorry it took so long for me to get back to you on this…first week of classes and all…

    Anyway, I must admit that my back goes up just a bit when anyone, either male or female, focuses on the “physical” beauty of women. Bill, you come at the question from a sincere and respectful stance, and I appreciate that. My preference is to totally look beyond the physical to the inner beauty as much as possible, as for many women, the quest for physical beauty has been harmful, and in many cases, fatal.

    As for “men-bashing” I really try to avoid that. Many men I know feel trapped by the traditional gender role expectations society has long imposed on them. And while they may not suffer the same disadvantages as women in many societies, I know some great men who are not afraid to identify themselves as feminist and who actively challenge structures of male privilege.

    Allow me to digress a bit here … if you are following U.S. politics, then you know of McCain’s choice of Sarah Palin as a VP candidate. Just speaking for myself, I found that choice to be insulting to me as a woman. I could say more if you want, but I don’t want to hijack your thread here.

    BTW, I’m sure I don’t speak for all nuns, just as the other responders don’t speak for all women…it’s just my opinion, for what it’s worth.

    Hi Sister Sandy, I do thank you for taking the time to respond to my request for your opinion. You ended your comment with the words: “….It’s just my opinion, for what that is worth.” well just so you know your opinion means a lot to me and I thank you for sharing.
    You have raised my interest in the one part of your comment in which you say you find the choice of Sarah Palin as Mr. McCain’s running mate to be insulting to you as a woman. Now I don’t want to turn the blog into a debate on US. politics. But, I would be very interested in I suppose from the human feelings side of things to hear more of your thoughts on this.

  13. Sandy, csj says:

    Bill…thanks for asking…. The reason I feel insulted (and I admit, it’s a knee-jerk response) is that it appears that this choice may have been calculated to woo voters who were backing Hillary Clinton – kind of an “any woman will do” mentality. Add to that her relative lack of experience compared to the likes of Elizabeth Dole, Condoleezza Rice, Kay Bailey Hutchison, Christine Todd Whitman… and I get suspicious that Palin’s beauty contest experience was a larger factor in her choice than her actual qualifications.

    For a candidate who trying to distinguish his record from Pres. Bush, this choice of someone who views are even closer to Bush’s doesn’t make any intellectual sense. Unfortunately, the U.S. electorate is not very sophisticated, and tend to vote for people they like…oooh, she’s a soccer mom, she hunts, she’s gutsy and smart, etc…

    McCain either made a brilliant choice, or it will backfire badly. We shall see…is Canada accepting immigrants from the U.S?

    Hi Sister Sandy. I thank you for expanding on your previous comment. I think a lot of Canadians follow American politics more closely than you realize. What ever happens in the US. is going to affect us and well really the whole world. Plus we get a lot of American channels so we get a lot of your news. Mrs. Palin being chosen seems to have even raised a ruckus among Canadian hockey moms.
    I can certainly understand the point you are making with the beauty queen part. I do hope that was not even a consideration in his choice.
    …is Canada accepting immigrants from the U.S? For you I am sure we would roll out the red carpet welcoming you.
    Hope to hear from you again.
    Bill

  14. babychaos says:

    I just blew in to say hi and had to leave something on this one. What to say… really, I think, that feminism is all about equality not switching the bias. We seem to have lost the plot somehow, women are getting their revenge by treating men the way some of the snottier ones treated us. Very galling and very wrong. Yet at the same time, we seem to have got it wrong for ourselves too, we have careers AND keep house now…

    Sorry I haven’t been around, we’ve just moved house, it took us a month to get onto the internet and now my computer’s broken! Curses.

    Congrats on post number 500 though Bill and although I’m a lot more low profile these days, rest assured I’m still out there.

    Cheers

    BC

    Hi BC, nice to hear from the new mommy. You are a really busy lady, new baby, just moving to a new house. I appreciate you taking the time to stop by.
    Bill

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