Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Dying from Embarrassement

Well I am back in the land of those that are able to sit comfortably. I have realized something over the past week. I have written in the past of how I think the topic of death and dying is almost like the last taboo topic left to us. It is something we just don’t want to think about or talk about.

I realize there is another topic that we or at least I am reluctant or embarrassed to talk about. Now never in my wildest imagination did I think I would ever be writing about my butt. I was kind of reluctant or embarrassed a little bit ago, to mention I was going for a colonoscopy (spelling???) and how I was dreading it. Now, I am a guy that has faced several major surgeries in the past up to and even including open heart surgery. Now, none of these did I dread as much as I did the very thought of the colonoscopy. It wasn’t even a fear or dread of what they might find. My dread was of how and where on my body the procedure was being done. Just the thought, “they are going to be shoving a tube way up my butt”. Now i like to consider myself a fairly strong man in that I can generally face what ever comes. But this really had me rattled. Just the thought, “they are going to shove a tube up my butt, yuck!!!!! They better be planning on giving me big time drugs or this just isn’t happening!!!!!!”

I want to thank the wonderful staff at Seven Oaks Hospital for their kind and considerate care. You were able to take one of the most uncomfortable times in my life and turn it instead into, one of the most uncomfortable times of my life while being surrounded by kind caring people. It was still YUCK, that is until the drugs kicked in. I am not sure what was in those 2 needles but they certainly had some powerful sleepy, happy juice in them. From there it was a breeze, no problem at all. Actually, the entire procedure was no problem at all, it was just me getting past that YUCK factor in my head. I have to wonder how many of us avoid seeking medical attention or avoid procedures just because of the “YUCK” factor? All medical procedures are done for a specific reason. In my case it was to allow the doctors, via a camera attached to the end of the inserted tube to see what was going on, way up in the hidden areas within my body. There are times when the doctors just need to be able to see what is going on in there. I suppose another option would be exploratory surgery to allow them to see your insides which I am sure would be worse.

I did a short post just stating I had gone for the colonoscopy and added some sort of comment that they had done a minor procedure while “in” there. I just listed it as a minor procedure as I now realize I was embarrassed to say it was hemorrhoids. Yup, turns out I had 4 of them and they were dealt with at the time. Whoa, I sure never thought I would be writing a post about having hemorrhoids. Why do I find that embarrassing? I mean I am not alone in this millions and millions of others have them, we just don’t acknowledge or talk about it, embarrassing?

Now I am certainly not trying to suggest that hemorrhoids, bowel movements ect. should become a topic of conversation at say the dining room table but hey if that is what you are comfortable with go for it. That just wouldn’t be within my comfort level. When I think about it though, I am sure no one would have a problem say talking about a broken arm or something. Really when I think about it we are just talking about a different functioning, important body part. I guess it all takes us back to the embarrassment of the YUCK factor, which obviously I can relate to. I do think though that we have to reach a comfort level where by we can at least talk to our doctors about any issues and not put them off unnecessarily.

I am really getting personal now, but I have known about those hemorrhoids for about 10 years. They were annoying and bothersome but I just lived with them rather than face the embarrassment and the yuck factor of dealing with them. I put up with them for about 10 years and now after the procedure is done I can only ask my self why? Why did I put up with them for so long?

I am just an average guy no different from anyone else. I therefore assume that to one degree or another many others may share my nervousness and embarrassment of the YUCK factor when it comes to anything relating to or having anything to do with our butts. I can only imagine that there are people that may actually be dying, simply because they are adverse to some particular “embarrassing” medical procedures. I hope and pray not. Medical tests done on a timely basis can be life saving. I pose this simple question, are you willing to maybe even die to avoid a little embarrassment. I hope not.

OK, I have embarrassed myself by writing about my experience. I hope someone may take my message to heart and go and have what ever tests are needed to be done. I can now speak from experience in this particular area. Colonoscopy no big deal at all, hemorrhoids are a bit more of a deal, but only a bit more. Just uncomfortable sitting for a while, but then hey, I am an admitted wimp.

When I really think about it what was there to be embarrassed about. My procedure was nothing new to the medical staff at the hospital, they had seen it all before. It was new to me, but not them. Another things hits me, why be embarrassed, I poop, you poop and so does the doctor doing the procedure. If he/she isn’t embarrassed why should I be.