Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Still learning/still growing


Yesterday really wore me out. I was in bed extra early and will no doubt be taking good advantage of my nap time today. Feeling good, no problems like that or anything just tired and worn out.

I really want to thank my dear blogging friend Mel for reminding me of something I know and do belief but occasionally I obviously forget. This is I suppose a prime example of the power of words. Mel, reading your comment yesterday had a great power and healing affect on me. I thank you and am so appreciative of you sharing your wisdom. I really needed to hear that at that moment to “wake me up”.

Here in Winnipeg we had what can only be described as a hate group announcing their intentions to come to disrupt a funeral. I have said so many times that I do believe any death is so much harder on the family. A funeral is such an intense time of grief and mourning for the family and loved ones even just plain common decency should dictate they be allowed to do this in peace. Thoughts of death, funerals etc. strike kind of close to home for me on a very personal level with my health issues.

Ask anyone that knows me, I am a very calm, relaxed, mellow sort of guy and allow virtually nothing to really get to me. The past few days though has taught me that I do indeed have buttons that can be pushed. Hearing of the intent of this group in fact pushed everyone of them. I ALLOWED this to really get to me and sent me on a rant. My last blog post is but a small example of my rant. I had the phone lines burning. I phoned the offices of: the Prime Minister of Canada, the Premier of Manitoba, the Mayor of the city of Winnipeg, countless government officials and police departments. They all heard my thoughts on this. Now understand when I say rant, I never yell or scream, curse or swear, I just get my message across in a very open and I hope clear way. I do believe I was right in doing all of that and given the same circumstances would do it all over again. When I believe something is wrong, it is wrong and I will do what I can to try and fix is, even if it is only a few phone calls. I admit it does give me a bit of a sense of satisfaction or something knowing I at least did something anything is better than nothing at all. I feel that if enough people do just a little bit and you then add up all those little bits you get a whole lot done.

Mel wrote of her own terrible experience with possibly the same group as she was attempting to help others affected by a tragedy. Now, Mel’s entire comment was excellent but one line in particular jumped out and hit me.

“I did vowed to not let them ‘live rent free in my head’. Other people needed my energies and my attention.”

That line hit me like a ton of bricks. That was exactly what I was doing. I had allowed this group access into my head and was allowing them to stay there and even dominate my thoughts. I was letting them win, I was letting them get to me on a very personal level. Based on their bizarre actions, I can only imagine that this is exactly what they want to happen. Draw attention to themselves gain publicity by doing the unthinkable, staging a political protest at a funeral.

Well they got me as did they accomplish their goal with countless other Canadians. Off hand I can’t recall a time when such a small group has stirred up such a frenzy in such a large group of Canadians virtually the entire country. Really that is pretty sad when I think of it.

I go to the second sentence or Mel’s comment:

“Other people needed my energies and my attention.” My thoughts and prayers go to the grieving family. How tragic to have a son murdered and then to have to try and deal with all of this in your time of grief and mourning.

I have to wonder to myself, this whole episode stirred up so much public reaction and a lot of that reaction was on the negative side of the scale, as was mine. I have to wonder what could we do to stir up the same amount of reaction but somehow have all the energy directed in a positive way.

I had several surprises come to me through this time.

First, that my buttons can be pushed to this extend and that I would react this strongly to a situation. I thought I was past all of that sort of thing, allowing things to really get to me in this way. I like to consider myself a spiritual person and my reactions here really wouldn’t indicate that. I guess I have to cut myself a little slack and appreciate, I am only human, I am still leaning and still growing.

Second, I was truly surprised to learn that there is a group that represents themselves as being a Christian church and can have such hate based beliefs. This has been a real eye opener for me. I think it is almost to easy to just be tempted to brush them off as just being a group of extremist, fringe element lunatics and don’t represent the majority. They don’t represent the majority so just ignore them, fair enough. Are we as tolerant of extremist, fringe elements of other faiths. Now let’s just take the Muslim faith as an example. Now I am certainly not trying to imply they would but let’s just use this as a comparison. Let’s just suppose it was indeed a Muslim group that did EXACTLY the same thing as this supposed “Christian” group was doing. Would we be as openly tolerant? I pose this just as a question, as I don’t know.

Third, I was saddened to see how quickly this seemed to turn in to mud slinging contest, Canadians vs Americans. I have heard and read some hurtful and just plain ridiculous comments going back and forth from both sides. Geesh, what can I say, shake your heads people. At some point in history someone drew a magic line on a map to separate Canada and the U.S.. A line on a map is all that separates us as people. As countries we have different views at times. I am talking a people, a line someone drew on a map is all that separates us. To all my American friends because of simple geography like it or not you are “stuck” with us Canadians as neighbors. I repeat exactly the same thing to all Canadians because of simple geography we are “stuck” with the Americans as our neighbors. I mean “stuck” in a respectful and joking way. When it comes right down to it we are all just people. Let’s not let a line drawn on a map separate us.

The power of words is a wonderful thing. Mel, I thank you for sharing yours with me. I needed to hear them, I am still learning and growing. Mel, I also learned from you and while I do admit it was almost grudgingly I did include “ALL” in my prayers.

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4 Responses to Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Still learning/still growing

  1. ceeque says:

    you are so right Bill, allowng them this “free rent space” in your head just is`nt worth the trouble, for they will win ….
    I have read of this tragedy over here in Blighty and like yourself, felt utter horror at what was going on, its almost incomprehensible to me that this group can behave in this way, especially at the expense of the family concerned in this already, horrific passing….

    Charles, really nice to hear from you my friend. I am working at not letting any upsetting thoughts of this group run through my head. It still does get me all steamed up and they are just not worth it. None of it even comes close to making any sort of sense to me at all.

  2. Trent says:

    good for you Bill. As much as i hate these guys , the best thing to do would probably be to ignore them. if they stopped getting so much attention then maybe they”d realize no one cares what they think and crawl back into the hole they came from.

    I thank you for the comment Trent. Your words are right on. You are obviously a very smart young man, so smart I would think we must be related. lol
    Uncle Bill

  3. Jo Hart says:

    Hi Bill,
    What a weird whack job that religion is. Hooley Dooley some people are unbelievable aren’t they. I love Mel’s saying “I refused to let them live rent free in my head”. I’m going to remember that one.
    On a sadder note, I may be a little less on the blog every day. Tomorrow is 12 months since our dear Terry Boy passed away. Today his kids found their mother who had tried to commit suicide. This is so terribly tragic. The kids are so traumatised. The two eldest have been struggling so hard over the last 12 months. Little Britty who is 8 now, just won’t talk to anyone. And Mitchey who is 9 tries to be the man of the house, but he has just crumbled. Anyway Jen has been readmitted into hospital, and the kids are going to be put in foster homes, so I am on the band wagon to get them down here to live with me. Thankfully I have a very patient and understanding husband, who wants no less for the kids. Unfortunately though, because I am a cousin, and Terry has passed, I don’t get much of a say, and foster home comes first before me, which I think is disgraceful. Jenny has to give permission for them to come, and I’m not quite sure where she is at in her head at the moment. Mum is heading up there tomorrow as that is the only person Jen said she will speak to. Please keep your fingers crossed for me, that we can bring these littlies here, to give them some love that they so desperately need. Thankfully the two little ones don’t quite understand what is going on, but apparently they are acting out very naughty, but geez, I think I can deal with that. Just asking for some prayers to be sent over for these gorgeous little souls that so desperately need them.

    Thanks Bill…

    Ah Jo, my heart aches and bleeds for these young ones. This whole story is just so tragic and painful for all. It really does re-enforce my thoughts that it is so much more difficult for the family left behind. The children are in my prayers as are you and your entire family.
    Jo, I very well may have mentioned the hospice web site to you. Please check it out. They have a much valuable information in helping families and children come to terms with the passing of a loved one. You might find information to help both the mother and kids, I do hope so.
    I am not sure what I can do from the other side of the world but please let me know if anything comes to mind.
    Bill

  4. Mel says:

    Oh, Jo…. ((((((((((((((( Jo ))))))))))))))))))

    What hard circumstances for those kiddos…for the mom….and for everyone involved.
    Indeed prayers are being sent that direction–you can rely on that.

    And Bill—consider it AFGO (Another Freaking Growth Opportunity) and feel free to do what I do…..Slap yourself on the head, chalk it up to a life experience and move on? LOL

    *hugs*

    Mel, I thank you as I am sure does Jo for the prayers.
    You are so right about this whole thing being a growth opportunity for me, I see that, I realize that and am trying to take advantage of the growth potential. I admit I am struggling with it but I will get there.
    Good advise as always, thank you
    Bill

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