I have come to realize that every once in a while I need to put aside a little time. Time to just sit back, think about my life and count my blessings. I need to do this occasionally to bring my mind back into focus and to realize what a lucky man I really am.
OK, it is an accepted fact, my health may not be the best and often it seems to be so easy to get lost in thoughts of that. That takes me back to the good old Serenity Prayer: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change.” My health conditions fall into that catagory, as much as I would like to I can not change them. Grudgingly, I must accept them and my life as it is, and move on if I am to get any pleasure and enjoyment out of it. Now, I didn’t just accept the original diagnosis. I didn’t like what I was hearing so I got a second opinion and then even a third opinion, all from highly qualified professionals in their field. Independently they all came to the same diagnosis. Now you have to know I really didn’t like that. Back to the serenity prayer, accept the things you can not change.
I realized how wonderful, how beautiful life is. I realized I was at a cross road on the highway of life. I had 2 paths to choose from:
Path one, accept what I could not change and really try not to fret about it. Now that is a lot easier said than done. Now with that I would naturally follow doctors orders, take all my medications……. and just move on to enjoy as much life as I have available to me. No one ever said life would always be easy but it can still be enjoyed.
Path two, would see me in something like panic mode. Possibly running from doctor to doctor, franticly searching for someone anyone that would claim to have a cure. I have total faith and trust in my doctors and know that is any such cure or new procedure were discovered they would bring it to my attention. By frantically running around what would I accomplish. I would be totally stressed (not good for the heart) and my attention would be totally focused on finding the elusive cure and not on simply enjoying life in what ever time I may have left.
As I am sitting here thinking I realize there could also be a third path. On this path, I could just become so bitter and angry over the hand life has dealt me that I would deny myself the enjoyment of what ever time is left. I could be bitter and angry screaming things like, why me? I admit, I went through what thankfully was a short period of the why me feelings. Come on, I have had 4 heart attacks that have damaged my heart and have me in heart failure. I have a brain tumor that causes embarrassing memory loss. I have diabetes, epilepsy, sleep apnea, carpal tunnel, peripheral neuropathy, thyroid problems and am prone to kidney stones. So I do think I have enough just medical conditions going on to entitle me to ask, WHY ME? It took me a while but then I realized why not me? I have no idea of the statistics but every year a certain percentage of the population will get each of these conditions. I realized what could make me so special as to have the Good Lord spare me over anyone else? Huh, what makes me so special? Now don’t you just hate it when you can’t think of one single reason for what makes me special, or more special than anyone else. Special enough to warrant me being spared over anyone else. No reason I can think of, so just accept this is where the highway of life has lead me. I do wish I had come to this realization long ago, about the why me. Bad, sad and tragic things happen everyday and it sucks big time. No one that I know of ever said life would always be easy but it can always be lived in the best way we can. There are for sure times of tragedy and grief when it seems next to impossible to get any real joy out of life. But, we all know the joy can be returned and we never know what lies just around the next bend in the highway of life.