Feeling good, just tired. Have an appointment at the heart failure clinic next week. Just the regular follow up, I am sure everything will be just fine.
I recently learned that the teenage son of a dear friend attempted suicide. I know none of the circumstances or of his overall situation. I will be contacting this friend shortly to offer any support I can. I can’t imagine as a parent the worry, the pain, the fear they must be feeling. This just has to be one of a parents worst nightmares. I just can’t imagine what it must be like, my heart just bleeds for everyone involved. You are all in my prayers. To my dear friends know I will be contacting you shortly.
My heart really does bleed when I hear of situations such as this. There must be statistics out there some where on teen suicide, in fact I am sure there are I have just never looked for them. It just seem so sad when it is someone so young with their entire life to look forward to. Really though age is no determining factor, it is sad and tragic at any age.
It all just makes me so sad. It also makes me think more of how precious every moment of life on this earth really is. I read this somewhere, “no one said life would be easy but it is meant to be enjoyed”. What do you do when all of the joy has been taken out of your life? Years ago I was in that exact position. I know what it is like to feel the weight of the whole world on your shoulders where you feel nothing but sadness and pain. I found myself standing in what I saw as a deep dark valley totally surrounded by mountains. Mountains so high, their shadow blocked any sunlight from even reaching in to me. I have stood deep in that valley where everywhere you look you seem just mountains or pain, problems or stress surrounding you, no matter where you look you just see no way out. The mountains of problems just seem so high that no sunlight can get in, you just can’t see even a glimmer of light or hope for any change in the future. It is easy to just give up in despair. How often have I written that life is meant to be enjoyed not endured. What if you are trapped in that valley of woe, enduring a hard life. So very unhappy and can just see no way out. If you are trapped in that valley for long enough your outlook on life can become so bleak you just want out. If you become desperate enough suicide is obviously one way out. suicide is never the only way out and it is never the right way out.
I found my way out of my own valley of woe, by changing just a bit of my thinking. At the time I saw my life as being stagnant, not moving in any direction, I was trapped and not going anywhere. It took me a while to realize, life is not stagnant there are changes happening every day. Granted most of these changes are so small so tiny they don’t even register on our personal radar. I began to view life as a highway through this journey we call life. We are all traveling through life on this “highway” that will ultimately lead us to the same destination. What are there something like 6 billion people in the world today, so there are 6 billion individual highways of life all leading to the same destination. Many of these highways will crisscross as people come and go from our lives. Many highways will run exactly parallel to our own so closer than others, being family and friends.
Life is a journey on which we travel the highway of life. Really it is no different than on other highway. It has twists and turns, pot holes and construction areas. It does though also have long smooth sections. It is like we are traveling a long unfamiliar road with no road map to show us exactly where the twists and turns will be. As with traveling on any highway we must always be attentive to looking forward. Who knows when a sharp bend or turn in the road will take us in a different direction. Traveling on any highway we know there will be the occasional pot hole. Looking forward we can either swerve to avoid it or maybe get a little bumped up if we hit it. There can be huge unexpected construction zones where travel is terribly bumpy and at times can seem endless. Remember, our individual highway of life is unmapped, uncharted. We don’t know what the next bend in the road will bring. All we do know is life is full or twists and turns. That very next curve in the road up a head could lead to miles and miles of beautiful paved highway with not even a pothole in sight for miles.
As much as it may seem we are stuck in life, we aren’t stuck we are maybe just traveling at a slower speed. But we are traveling forward. I suppose realistically using my highway comparison there could be times when we do get stuck. If we are going through a really bad construction area we could get our vehicle stuck in the mud and really just sit there spinning our wheels and getting no where. If you do get stuck and are just spinning your wheels, there is always help available. Seek help and there is always someone ready to tow you out of the mud or to help push you through it. We just have seek it and it is there. If the vehicle you are traveling through life in does get so mired down in the mud you just can’t get it out. Maybe you have to abandon that vehicle and even walk for the next distance. No matter how you travel it the road is always there before you.
Suicide is never the answer. No matter how hard or dismal the road in front of you may look the driving conditions will change.
I just rambled through all of this, I am not sure if my highway comparison even makes any sense but it does to me. I say this to anyone that may be contemplating suicide that may read this. Please don’t do anything rash, just think about what I am saying. I say this to you, your life situation may be unbearable and unlivable but it doesn’t have to stay that way. Possibly it may seem you are mired down on the highway of life, stuck unable to move ahead. It may actually seem that a happy life is but an impossible dream. That dream is real and it is not impossible. It is possible irregardless of current circumstances or your situation. Grab on to that seemingly impossible dream of the happy life, don’t let go of it. It really is possible for you and could be just around the next bend in the road.
If you are contemplating any such actions, I beg you please to wait. Get your phone book, get the number for a suicide hotline. Call them and talk to them, hey what do you have to loose. Talk to them and really explain your thoughts and feelings. Can’t for what ever reason talk to them, then please talk to a family member, a friend, a clergy man, just talk to someone about your life and thoughts. Go to the emergency room at the hospital and talk to them there. There is help for you, the help you need to get you back on the highway of life again.
I would suggest this only as a very last resort, before you do anything contact even me. leave me a message here on the blog. It can be done anonymously and I will get back to you as quickly as I can via email. I suggest this only as a last resort for 2 reasons. I am not qualified in anything, I am just me and I do care about you. I am not a doctor or a therapist just me. Plus, depending on the day I may only get to the computer once or twice and while I would respond asap it may take time. Life really is to precious to give up on.