Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Living

I think maybe summer has finally arrived here in Winnipeg. It seems to me anyway that the past month or so has been a little cooler than normal and with a lot of rain. That is fine by me, I can’t take a lot of heat especially if you throw in humidity and I have more trouble breathing. When I say trouble breathing, it really isn’t anything all that serious. I just get winded more easily and spend more time huffing and puffing. It certainly has warmed up in the past few days and the forecast is calling for higher than normal temperatures for the next month or so. Thank goodness for air conditioning. Had a few chest pains in the evening but nothing serious. It has gotten to the point where generally I just ignore it and it passes. I have realized also that these pains are so common that I don’t think they even really register as being much of anything in my mind. Just sort of, huh, there it is again and pay no attention unless it is more severe. To my daughters, yes if it is more severe I will go to the hospital.

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately and realize that often I don’t follow my own advise. When I post my thoughts it is truly from my heart, what I do believe. I write so often of the importance of maintaining a positive attitude and of how that will carry you a long way in improving your life. I believe that, I know it to be true. it is amazing how easy it is for an element of negativity to sneak unnoticed into your life and in fact become a dominant factor. I suppose that is why it is important for each of us to regularly sit down and really take a look at our lives. Look to see what factors or influences have snuck in on us without us even realizing it. It can start off as something so small it doesn’t even register to us that it is there. Then again slowly escalating without us even realizing it until suddenly it is there and often still unrecognized but having a significant impact on our lives. Negativity has no place in the lives of anyone, rid yourself of it.

Rid yourself of it, so easy to say, but can so often be so hard to do. I have been sitting here for the past few minutes trying to think of a circumstance in which it is not possible to rid yourself of negativity or negative thoughts. Try as I might, I just can’t think any. We can always bring change to our lives. Sometimes that involves a physical change other times that requires a mental change, changing our thinking. Our thoughts create who we are, negative thoughts create a sad and negative person. Positive and happy thoughts create a positive happy person. Which do you want to be? I certainly know which I want to be!!

Having said that I look at my own life as it is today. I have in fact allowed a shadow of negativity to over take my life. I struggle to remain positive but all of that is still somewhat over shadowed by somewhat of a cloud I have allowed to gather over my head. Let’s face it this whole dying thing can be a bit of a downer. I think I am as prepared as I can be and am not afraid, at least that is what I keep telling myself. But, really can you ever be totally ready for this.

Every once in a while I need to stop take stock of where I am at in my head and often give it a shake to get myself back on track. Re-enforce the positive and get rid of the negative.

There are always two ways you can look at everything. This is where the serenity prayer fit so perfectly into what I am saying. “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change. The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

OK, I have a lets just say a gimpy heart, a brain tumor, diabetes and epilepsy. Now that sucks big time as far as I am concerned. All of these conditions fall into the category of things I can’t change. I could get mad, jump up and down yelling and screaming about how unfair it all is, I could get depressed. There are really all sorts of negative things I could do. But at the end of the day, nothing will have changed with my conditions. All I will have accomplished is make myself miserable and waste precious time. Every moment on this earth is meant to be precious and enjoyed, never endured. These are things I can’t change. Granted I can and do take all of my medications etc.. But all the medications do really is treat the symptoms not the condition itself.

A sweeping statement like “accept the things you can not change” can be tricky at best. It is so easy to accept our lot in life, with a sort of “poor me” attitude, my life is miserable and there is just nothing I can do about it, “poor me”. Accepting the unacceptable is just easier than to have to have the courage to make a change. It takes courage to make a big change, to make any change. I say it again life is meant to be lived not endured. Look at your life, all parts of your life. If you are enduring rather than living, it is time for a change. Our time on this earth is limited. Don’t wait until you are facing death in the face to bring change into your life. Just think of all the living you will have missed out on. Even one moment wasted is gone forever. Out time is an non renewable resource don’t squander it.

I am on a roll and have more to say but am just to tired right now. May try to post more later.