Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Living


I think maybe summer has finally arrived here in Winnipeg. It seems to me anyway that the past month or so has been a little cooler than normal and with a lot of rain. That is fine by me, I can’t take a lot of heat especially if you throw in humidity and I have more trouble breathing. When I say trouble breathing, it really isn’t anything all that serious. I just get winded more easily and spend more time huffing and puffing. It certainly has warmed up in the past few days and the forecast is calling for higher than normal temperatures for the next month or so. Thank goodness for air conditioning. Had a few chest pains in the evening but nothing serious. It has gotten to the point where generally I just ignore it and it passes. I have realized also that these pains are so common that I don’t think they even really register as being much of anything in my mind. Just sort of, huh, there it is again and pay no attention unless it is more severe. To my daughters, yes if it is more severe I will go to the hospital.

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately and realize that often I don’t follow my own advise. When I post my thoughts it is truly from my heart, what I do believe. I write so often of the importance of maintaining a positive attitude and of how that will carry you a long way in improving your life. I believe that, I know it to be true. it is amazing how easy it is for an element of negativity to sneak unnoticed into your life and in fact become a dominant factor. I suppose that is why it is important for each of us to regularly sit down and really take a look at our lives. Look to see what factors or influences have snuck in on us without us even realizing it. It can start off as something so small it doesn’t even register to us that it is there. Then again slowly escalating without us even realizing it until suddenly it is there and often still unrecognized but having a significant impact on our lives. Negativity has no place in the lives of anyone, rid yourself of it.

Rid yourself of it, so easy to say, but can so often be so hard to do. I have been sitting here for the past few minutes trying to think of a circumstance in which it is not possible to rid yourself of negativity or negative thoughts. Try as I might, I just can’t think any. We can always bring change to our lives. Sometimes that involves a physical change other times that requires a mental change, changing our thinking. Our thoughts create who we are, negative thoughts create a sad and negative person. Positive and happy thoughts create a positive happy person. Which do you want to be? I certainly know which I want to be!!

Having said that I look at my own life as it is today. I have in fact allowed a shadow of negativity to over take my life. I struggle to remain positive but all of that is still somewhat over shadowed by somewhat of a cloud I have allowed to gather over my head. Let’s face it this whole dying thing can be a bit of a downer. I think I am as prepared as I can be and am not afraid, at least that is what I keep telling myself. But, really can you ever be totally ready for this.

Every once in a while I need to stop take stock of where I am at in my head and often give it a shake to get myself back on track. Re-enforce the positive and get rid of the negative.

There are always two ways you can look at everything. This is where the serenity prayer fit so perfectly into what I am saying. “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change. The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

OK, I have a lets just say a gimpy heart, a brain tumor, diabetes and epilepsy. Now that sucks big time as far as I am concerned. All of these conditions fall into the category of things I can’t change. I could get mad, jump up and down yelling and screaming about how unfair it all is, I could get depressed. There are really all sorts of negative things I could do. But at the end of the day, nothing will have changed with my conditions. All I will have accomplished is make myself miserable and waste precious time. Every moment on this earth is meant to be precious and enjoyed, never endured. These are things I can’t change. Granted I can and do take all of my medications etc.. But all the medications do really is treat the symptoms not the condition itself.

A sweeping statement like “accept the things you can not change” can be tricky at best. It is so easy to accept our lot in life, with a sort of “poor me” attitude, my life is miserable and there is just nothing I can do about it, “poor me”. Accepting the unacceptable is just easier than to have to have the courage to make a change. It takes courage to make a big change, to make any change. I say it again life is meant to be lived not endured. Look at your life, all parts of your life. If you are enduring rather than living, it is time for a change. Our time on this earth is limited. Don’t wait until you are facing death in the face to bring change into your life. Just think of all the living you will have missed out on. Even one moment wasted is gone forever. Out time is an non renewable resource don’t squander it.

I am on a roll and have more to say but am just to tired right now. May try to post more later.

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9 Responses to Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Living

  1. Juanita says:

    Thank you once again for giving me the courage to go on living.

    Juanita my friend, if my words in anyway helped you I am so glad. I would be interested in hearing and learning more from you and about you. I will be sending you an email, hope you don’t mind.
    Bill

  2. lifebylisa says:

    Such great words. Not a day goes by that I don’t find myself saying the serenity prayer, if nothing else to remind me that I don’t have all the control I’d like to think I do sometimes. All in all I do go through life trying to hold on to every moment, and at the sometimes annoyance of others, I search for that silver lining no matter how dark the clouds seem to be.

    Bill, you’re still putting out some great posts. I’m really glad to see that. You’re still in my thoughts and prayers, and still a hero.

    Hi Lisa so nice to hear from you. I thank you for your so kind comment. The serenity prayer is indeed such a beautiful and powerful prayer and message for all of us to take in. Good for you keep looking for that silver lining.
    Hope to hear from you again
    Bill

  3. Jo Hart says:

    Bill, all so true, yet we all know it, and sometimes we also let the negative take over.
    I have been trying to live by “The Secret”, The power of attraction, and with what you think, you attract. It’s a great movie and I would love to send you a copy. If you would like one, I can send you a copy. It truely is a brilliant piece of work. It’s all about the laws of attraction and how it can change your life. In it though, you need to rid yourself of negative thoughts, it’s not until you start trying to do this that you realizie that “Hey, I really am a negative person”. It’s very hard to do. I think you will love the movie, just let me know and a copy will be in the mail for you to watch.

    Hi Jo, I have never seen the movie but would really like to. I do believe negative attracts negative as does positive attract positive. I would appreciate a copy of the movie, I thank you
    Bill

  4. Simonne says:

    You’re an inspiration Bill. Do you think you would have inspired and touched so many people (like Juanita above) without all your illnesses? Your own burdens have given light to others – maybe it was Divinely sent so that you could have a chance to do this in this lifetime? I think so. Your next lifetime will be a sigh to behold my amazing friend xxx

    Simonne my dear friend it is so nice to hear from you. You are right in that if my health hadn’t taken the direction it did I never would have started this blog. It has been such a great help to me and seemingly to many others. Possibly it was divinely sent to me, I don’t know. I pray daily before I write anything asking for guidance to find the wording that may help someone, anyone. I do that and I do believe in the power of prayer yet it is hard to explain, I feel some how inadequate or to humble something, I don’t know. I just find it hard to believe that I would be chosen to deliver any sort of devine message. Many are so much more deserving or adequate. Not sure if I am making sense with that.

  5. Simonne says:

    Your next lifetime will be a sight (not sigh!) to behold my amazing friend xxx

    Love ya guts x

  6. venus00 says:

    Thanks again for your honest and inspiration. I found out today that a good friend who is only 30 has advanced breast cancer. She’s a musician and didn’t have health insurance so even though she knew something was wrong, wouldn’t go to the doctor. Please keep her in your prayers Bill. She’s one of those people that is a constant light and support to others. Sometimes it’s hard not to be negative when life is often so unfair but it will eat you alive as much as any cancer will…

    Venice I am so sorry to hear of this, my prayers are with her. I will be posting a prayer request. Bless you for being the friend you are to her.

  7. Henri says:

    I noticed new shingles going up on your neighbours roof. nice

    It got me to thunking(ohoh). Mb Hydro offers a free service to seniors.

    http://www.hydro.mb.ca/your_home/residential_wise.shtml

    They will install (at no charge) energy saving devices for qualified homeowners.

    Hi Henri, Elsie’s roof is finished, totally re-shingled. She is very happy with that part, so that makes me happy. Well worth the effort to see her smiling and way less stressed.
    I thank you for the excellent resource, the site you list is excellent and can help many seniors in Manitoba. Thank you for sharing it.
    Bill

  8. Irene says:

    Hi Bill!! Great post again today–lots of food for thought. I guess life is CHOICES. It’s all a matter of choosing how we want to react to the inevitable “stuff” that happens–good or bad. Your posting reminds me so much of Garth Brooks wonderfully inspiring song called “The Dance”. In it he says that during his life, he could have done without the pain, but then he would have missed the “dance”. What great metaphors! You’re dancing Bill–we’re all dancing! Let’s choose to make it a good one! Thinking of you lots, Wiseman.
    Irene

    Hi Irene so nice to hear from you. The dance of life really is such a beautiful thing. Has many more difficult steps in the dance that keep us on our toes. That helps us all become better dancers.
    Thank you for sharing.
    Bill

  9. Mel says:

    Just back from a whirlwind 4700 mile adventure…..and catching up……

    I know you’re right. I’ve gotten to live this one. But I gotta tell ya–the further away I get from crisis, the cockier I get and the more I go back to take things for granted–the more I start whining and carrying on about the deals that life hands me.
    You’d think I’da GOTTEN the lesson–but I suspect it’s a part of being ‘human’ (dangitall…….).
    Those things I cannot change, I wouldn’t want to, today.
    Grumble as I may, I KNOW there’s purpose in things being exactly as they are.
    *sigh*
    I just get cocky, Bill.
    And I start buying into stuff that’s just not true…..

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