Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Asking for help is a sign of Strength


I think I might have over done my walk on Thursday. Not even going to say how far I walked and that even at my own leisurely pace, would just make most laugh at the idea that I consider that to be exercise. Had to stop a few times to catch my breath but had no chest pain of any sort. That is until about an hour after I got home. Nothing serious just enough to make me realize maybe I had over done it, I even missed yesterday. Back at it today.

A big hello to Kyle, Tracy and baby Allison. I had invited anyone that saw me out there huffing and puffing away on my walk to honk and wave as they went by. Kyle and Tracy did that exact thing, in fact they even stopped just to say hello. It was a real pleasure meeting you and thank you so much for allowing me to hold your baby daughter for a few moments. Anyone that knows me, knows I am a real softy when it comes to kids.

I look back at the titles to my last few posts and I realize I have really been taken up by this whole issue. To me it is just so sad, so senseless so unloving and just plain cruel. It is so contrary to everything I think and believe, contrary to the message I hope in my own way to share will others. Life is wonderful, life is beautiful, it was never meant for anyone to have to endure life. The thought that some seem to feel they have the right to deprive others of the right to live and enjoy their own lives is just beyond my comprehension.

As usual I am way behind in responding to the many wonderful comments left here and many of the emails I have received from fellow bloggers. I do value all and hope to get caught up over the weekend.

I am gratified and honored to read some of the comments left and the emails received to see that my simple words may be prompting others to take positive action in their lives. I am proud of you all and congratulate you all for taking the initiative to begin a change. I know it takes courage, strength and determination to bring about any life change. Change may come slowly and only in like baby steps. The size of the step doesn’t matter as much as does the fact that you took a step towards improving the quality of your life. Recognize even the smallest step as being a step in the right direction, take heart from the courage and strength it took to make that step. Be proud of yourself for each and every single step you take. Know within yourself that with each step you take the journey becomes a little bit shorter. With each step you take the burden you are carrying becomes just a little lighter. This in turn makes each subsequent step just a little easier than the last.

If and when anyone ever reads this blog, I hope all read the wonderful comments left after the various posts. Contained within these comments is wisdom beyond any I can share.

I am copying and posting a comment left by my blogging friend Jennie, under the get out of your rut post. Her words, her wisdom and thoughts shared convey a message much better than I could. Her comment:

Today when I didn’t feel like putting out the effort to do what I know I need to do, I kept thinking about your post – and then I got up and did something. Small steps, but definitely better than ruminating. More satisfying too!

I realize I have been focusing more on what I don’t want, than what it is I do want, i.e. my desires. Switching my focus to my desires seems to pull me in that direction much more effectively.”

Jennie, I thank you so much for sharing this, I am proud of you for taking the small steps to improve your life.

Jennie also bring up a very good point, one that I had not thought of until I read what she had to say. The second paragraph about where she realizes she has been focusing her attention on what she doesn’t want instead of on what she does want. Of how by switching the mind set from totally in the negative towards the positive has helped her move along. Way to go, and good for you Jennie, keep that thought process going, it will get you to where you want to be.

This I suppose takes us back to the learned helplessness. I wrote about this a few days ago. A condition in which a person over time with continual abuse and put downs comes to experience a feeling of hopelessness and helplessness. They are helpless in that they know no matter what they do, no matter how well they do it, it won’t be right or it won’t be enough and abuse will follow, be it physical or emotional. With time hopelessness can lead to helplessness. It is easier to just accept what comes, nothing is going to change it. With time the person begins to believe the continual put downs and begins to actually believe them as being true. So beaten down they just lack the energy to even try anymore, just accept this is my lot in life.

I am not actually sure if I did hear this or read this somewhere or maybe it is a “Bill” statistic coming straight out of my own head. Where ever it comes from I believe it is pretty actuate. “One hour of heavy emotional stress and worry, can be as draining and exhausting as 8 hours of physical labor.” I can speak from personal experience in knowing just how draining and exhausting stress and worry can be. It wears you out and beats you down. I know that we all know that. I know what it is like to be stuck in a field of woe and pain. Every where you look you can see nothing but more of the same. I admit, I had to turn to outside help to drag me out of it all. I had reached the point where I knew I couldn’t do it on my own. Accepting I just couldn’t do it on my own was a bit of a bitter pill to swallow. In my mind somehow I saw the fact that admitting I wasn’t strong enough to do it on my own as sort of embarrassing or humiliating or something like that. Does it make sense that somehow, I saw it as a weakness, made me feel like less of a man, not having the strength to deal with my own issues. Inadequate, might be a good word to use.

Looking back now, I now with my different eyes. Facing possible death, does give you “new eyes” or at least a totally different way in which to see many things. I now see there is no embarrassment in seeing you need and seeking help from where ever it is available. It is not a sign of weakness as I saw it then. It is instead a sign of internal strength. It is easy for all to see and recognize areas of our life that need to be changed. It takes a strong person to then stand up and say, this is unacceptable and I AM GOING TO CHANGE IT, DOING WHAT EVER IT TAKES. It takes a strong person to even admit to needing help, to then seek it out and take it. Seeking help doesn’t reflect on you as a person, it merely shows you are human. EVERYONE, needs help at times, if you do seek it out and take it, where every you find it. Nurture and develop healthy relationships in those around you, rid yourself of unhealthy relationships. It is never hopeless and you are never helpless. One step at a time and it can be done.

As I said above I am gratified and honored that some are taking my humble words to heart and starting to make positive changes in their lives. I say good for you and encourage  you to keep it up. I do however remind all, I am not a doctor, not a man of the clergy, I am not at therapist. I am just me. A man sitting at his computer in his basement. I have no qualifications to speak on any of this, it is just from my heart I share my thoughts and feelings.

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One Response to Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Asking for help is a sign of Strength

  1. Mel says:

    Oh boy…. *sigh*

    Doing what I do, you’d think I’d especially know that ‘asking for help’ is a GOOD thing……after all, I’m the ‘helper’.
    But nooooooooooooooooo…..LOL

    I’ve taken to acknowledging that ‘help’ comes in the strangest attire……and I’m graced to have a wisepersoninmylife who wears coveralls and knows me outside and in…..who cares more about my life than he does my ‘fragile feelings’.
    I’ve learned to listen and listened to learn…..and hopefully I’m still learning.
    Cuz he’s still yappin’ at me….LOL

    (((((((((((( Bill ))))))))))))))))

    That “I can fix this on my own” line of thinking near cost me my life more than once. Fear does strange things to me………..

    Mel, I am so sorry you were forced to spend some of your precious moments enduring rather than enjoying life. I am so glad you found the wise person in your life that truly cares about you. Blessings upon you both. Keep up the good fight, keep learning and moving forward.
    You are so right about fear it can make all of us do strange things.
    Be well my friend
    Bill

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