Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Responsible for your own life


Back when I first started this blog I had several purposes or goals in mind. One of my main objectives I suppose was to encourage people to live life, enjoy it. At the time I was primarily thinking of those with chronic or even terminal health conditions. So many are putting up the good fight, the fight to just physically stay alive, be it even for just one more minute, hour, day or what ever. It is so sad that so often it seems we have to come to the point of realizing our live will be ending soon, that it is only then that we can really appreciate the value of it, the value of what we had, the value of what we are about to loose. It is difficult to accept you may not have a future. I mean that literally in the physical sense, Knowing I may not have a tomorrow, I may not even have the rest of today. I have come to realize and appreciate the importance of every single moment of time. I don’t know how many moments I have left so I can’t afford to waste even a single one.

I remember back to when I originally received my prognosis. It was the one and only time I got any sort of an estimated time frame. I now realize I sort of ‘bullied” that guestimate out of my young family doctor. Those words are like burned into my mind, “there is no way to tell, it could be 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months, a year, maybe a year and a half even 2 years if you are lucky.” Well here I am 3 1/2 years later and still going strong. I am still seeing years stretched out in front of me. From my heart my guestimate is another 15 years. I even told my cardiologist about this, he just smiled and said “good for you, a positive attitude and a strong will to live will give you years”.

I back then I did a lot of reading on death and dying. I can say I have no fear of what lies after, I am scared of the physical process of dying. OK, I admit I am a wimp and pain just doesn’t appeal to me in any way.

As I read I realized or learned that there are many people that on getting such a prognosis, just basically curl up in a ball, give up on life and simply await the arrival of death. I suppose my “target audience” was those in that similar situation. I wanted to get across or stress the idea, “hey we are not dead yet, we know every moment of life is precious. We know our supply of precious moments may be limited, so lets enjoy them. Make the most of every moment we have, live life as it was intended to be lived, cherish and enjoy ever precious moment we do have left.”

That was but one of my goals in starting the blog. As time went by and the more I read, the more I posted and the more wonderful comments came in, I realized and the more I thought about it I realized, very few people healthy or other wise are actually living, life but more enduring it. I realized healthy people both young and old, were so caught up on the busy tread mill of life they were missing out on the precious moments of life. In my own inept way, I started to write to encourage those people to take a look at their lives. Live them today, so that when you are actually lying on your death bed you are not filled with regrets over wasted precious moments. Then it is often to late and we leave this world carrying those regrets with us.

If I went back all the way through the blog I am sure it is at least hundreds if not thousands of times I have said, Life is to be lived and enjoyed, NOT endured.

Recently, I have sort of “stumbled up” a whole different group of people that are in fact enduring and not “LIVING” life, in fact not being allowed to live, life as it was intended. This being the abused, those physically, emotionally, sexually abused. It almost makes me ashamed to admit I am a man, when I read of how the largest part of this abuse is put on women and children by other males. You will notice I said “other males”. I do believe no real man has ever abused a woman or a child. Sadly there are far to many, males because of age or size out there pretending to be MEN. They are in fact not MEN but instead over grown male delinquents with major problems, seeing themselves as men just because of size or age. Real men in fact look down on this group with nothing but disgust. A real man knows he should use his size and strength to protect all of those in his life and around him.

I sit here sadly thinking of how precious life is and of how so many don’t seem to realize it or take it for granted.

I hope all that read this will have many many healthy happy years of life in front of them. But, I say this to all about your individual life expectancy.

‘THERE IS NO WAY TO TELL, YOU MAY HAVE 3 DAYS, 3 WEEKS, 3 MONTHS, A YEAR, MAYBE A YEAR AND A HALF, EVEN 2 IF YOU ARE LUCKY.”

Again, I say I do hope all have many years ahead of you. But, think about it, that is something that can never be taken for granted. Everyone of us if “lucky” to have today, we automatically assume tomorrow will always be there. Accidents happen around us all the time, in the work place, on the highways and even in the home. Do you seriously think the last person killed in an automobile accident, hadn’t been taking tomorrow for granted. Who knows how many times each of us have been spared or saved from say an auto accident. Who knows if maybe the annoying phone call that came just as we were on our way out the door, didn’t delay us just enough so we weren’t driving through an intersection at the exact time a drunk driver was to run the intersection and hit our car. We just don’t know, maybe it was fate, or luck who knows?

Recognize ever moment of our lives as having been intended to be really lived and enjoyed. What ever your circumstances maybe, if anything or anyone is preventing you in any way from doing this, have the courage, the strength to make what ever changes are necessary. Ultimately every individual is responsible for their own lives, their own decisions. (excluding parents raising children) Allow all others to make their own decisions, life their own lives as they see fit to do so, to be responsible for their own life.  To all, Please take on and accept that responsibility and make any changes necessary to allow you to live your own happy healthy life.

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11 Responses to Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Responsible for your own life

  1. jeffsher63 says:

    Great post.

    I was reminded of this yesterday by my doctor. I had kidney failure, and got a kidney transplant 10 days ago (the new kidney is working well). With kidney problems, potassium is a big issue; it’s usually limited when you are on dialysis, as too much can kill you. My potassium was at the high end of normal, and he grilled me on whether I was eating bananas or oranges, etc. He then realized how he presented it, and said “enjoy life now that you have your new kidney, just use moderation when you eat”.

    I think it’s just as important for doctors to foster the attitude of living life despite the patient’s problems, rather than dwelling on everything you SHOULDN’T do….

    Hi Jeff, welcome to the site and thank you for taking the time to leave a comment. A kidney transplant, wow, I just don’t know what to say other than good luck my friend. I will be over to your site for a visit.
    Bill

  2. babychaos says:

    Wise words. When I was 16, my friend’s sister fell off her pony and was killed, a couple of months later a lad in the year below me was killed when he fell off a moped on holiday. Ever since then I have tried to look for something to enjoy in each day. It was really difficult at first to find things to appreciate and be thankful for when I was down or tired or just fed up but after a while it became a habit.

    I wouldn’t change a thing in my life right now but it’s only like that because when things needed to be dealt with, altered or addressed I did it, even though it was uncomfortable, different and sometimes meant hurting people. Without those deaths and the death of another friend when I was 25, I wouldn’t have that attitude, I’d have always endured, waited, thought I had time…

    So… I’m just writing this to say to anyone who reads this post that these words are spot on and that although living your life the way you know you should sometimes involves hard decisions they are always worth it. The more you make them and stick by them, the stronger you become.

    And jeffsher, as a pregnant lady, Amen to that!

    Cheers

    BC

    Hi BC thank you for this wise comment. I am sorry you have had to suffer the loss of those people in your lives. But, good for you my friend as you were able to take a very negative thing learn from it and grow from it. I am sorry those people passed, but I am glad you became the person you are today. We are all blessed by that.
    Thank you my friend
    Bill

  3. sparkle333 says:

    Just a wonderful post, and I have written many similar ones lately about making the most of life. We’re all terminal, in the sense that one day we will all leave this earth, and none of us know when that will be. The older I get, the more I realize what a gift each day is. It is a vital lesson to learn before it is too late. I’ll come back and read some more. Very nice to meet you.

    Hi Sparkle, it is also very nice to meet you. I thank you for the comment and the visit. Please do call again. I will be over to visit you at your site.
    Bill

  4. Thanks for reminding us to ‘carpe diem’ Bill. I will indeed sieze each day and enjoy it.

    M

    right on Martha, seize each day and life it to the fullest

  5. lwayswright says:

    that was a great post Bill. I try to live life as fully as i can. Some days are harder then others. there is so much in life that trys to take away from the actual beauty. There are forces that fight me daily…whether it’s my health, my own insecurities, world issues, kids whatever. So, I try to go minute by minute. I hope for the best for my children and me and my husbands life together. And I try to remember I/we only have one shot to enjoy it. It’s always nice to be reminded that life is to be enjoyed not just endured!

    Dear lwayswright, welcome and thank you for the comment. There are times when minute by minute seems to be the only way to deal with life. You certainly have your share of issues to deal with, all we can do, is do our best on any given day. Enjoy life as you can my friend.
    Bill

  6. Jo Hart says:

    As always you hit the nail on the head. What a great post. Thanks for the reminder Bill, I was been overtaken by work at present, and it’s nice to be pulled back to reality. It’s my daughters 6 year old birthday today, and all I’ve been doing is stressing over this bloody tax audit at work……….. It’s taken over my life……. Thanks for the wise words…… She only turns 6 once………

    Hi Jo, isn’t it so easy to let the “troubles” in live spoil our day, our week or even at times seemingly take over our lives. Sounds like you are getting your priorities back in line, with what is right for you. Good for you my friend
    Bill

  7. […] “Dying Man”  has a great article on living life despite chronic or terminal conditions. […]

  8. Mel says:

    Awwwwwwwwww…….happy 6 to the kiddo, Jo!

    And Bill….I’m all about today and BEING the rightness of what’s true.
    Life’s too short, too precious……and the people around me are too valued.
    It’s a privilege we take for granted all too often, one we rationalize the irrational and justify the unjustifiable — granting ourselves permission cuz we’re somehow ‘entitled’.

    We’re not.
    And we can be silly with the rest of the best of ’em–why would we wanna when we could joyously bring to someone’s life, today?

    I’m going out today to BE the rightness of what’s true.
    Cuz I can.
    Cool that we get to choose, dontcha think?

    Mel, you are so right on. It is cool that we get to chose the life we want to live. We get to chose what is right for us, no one else can do that for us. Hope you had a great day being you.
    Bill

  9. Bill,
    No truer words ever written. Life is a gift and a wonderous one. Each day is precious and each person is placed in our path to be a blessing or for us to be a blessing…
    No regrets, Just wish my husband and I had more time together. His life is ending, but his greater life in eternity is before us and we are living these days to the best of our abilities….
    Hope those who are worrying over the “small stuff” can see past them….Here is to LIFE!!

    Hi shadowlands1501. I am so sorry to hear of your husbands health. You are so right life is a gift and a wonderous one at that, that is meant to be and should be enjoyed and lived to the fullest.
    I constantly ask myself why is it that we need to get to the point of such a major loss in our lives, such as you are facing before we truly realize and appreciate the true value and wonder of our time. No matter how much time we have, when it comes right down to it, it will never be enough. We waste so much of it sweating what we see later as being small stuff
    You and your husband are in my heart, thoughts and prayers.
    Bill

  10. What a wonderful way to help others. You have a true gift for words and compassion. elaine

    Hi Elaine, I thank you for the visit and the so kind comment, please come again.
    Bill

  11. jim boulden says:

    Hi Bill

    I have been writing successfully in the field of death and dying for 20 years (Saying Goodbye, Caregivers Handbook, etc. Currently I have advanced prostate cancer and have been attempting to communicate the same theme you are presenting to other men with the same disease. (See my website please.)

    Frankly this effort has been a complete failure and I am about to abandon the project. (See my blog jimboulden.blogspot.com) Men are interested in discussing treatment alternatives, but not enhancing their lives.

    You have been sending this message for some time and I would appreciate hearing your experience. What has been your success? Do you have any suggestions?

    Thanks so much, Jim

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