Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Make changes

Had a really major “pee” day today. Do you know how many times you have to go to the bathroom to loose 14 pounds in one day? Well neither do I, I didn’t count but trust me when I say it is a lot.

Health wise am feeling pretty good these days. Saw both my family doctor and the heart failure clinic last week. Good news from both, all the numbers, blood count etc. are in line. I am doing well. The doc. at the heart failure clinic was on my case a little. My fluid intake is to high, I drink just to much water through the day. Want me to cut my fluid intake back to about 6 cups over the entire day, yikes.

For a while I have carried a thought way in the back of my mind. My good friend Ceeque did a post and asked several people to pick up the nearest book to them and to page 123. Well the nearest book is “Taking Time To Just Be” a Helen Exley Giftbook. OK, the pages aren’t numbered and I am to lazy to count up to page 123 so I am taking a guess. Here you go Charles, sorry it has taken me so long to respond. The page only contains one long sentence:

“There is so much in the world for us all if only we have the eyes to see it, and the heart to love it and the hand to gather it to ourselves.” Lucy Maud Mongomery

As I read it, it immediately struck a note within me. Ours truly is a beautiful and wonderful world and it really does contain so very much for each and everyone of us. When you say it quick it really does sound good and nice, a world filled with wonders, love, joy and happiness for all. OK, so if that is true and it is, why aren’t we all living wonderful love filled happy lives?

The answer to that is also easy, or at least it sounds easy if you say it fast without thinking. We have to have the eyes to see it, the heart to love it and the hands to gather it to ourselves.

“We have to have the eyes to see it”. How many of us are so busy in our lives that we just don’t have the time or take the time to just sit back and smell the roses, to really live and enjoy life? How many of us are just to busy in pursuit of career opportunities, the bigger house, the newer car, whatever to see our lives for what they are, to see our precious moments of time being used up, enduring and struggling rather than enjoying. How many of us just can’t see our lives for what they really are, “a set number of precious moments we are allowed on this earth”. If all could only stop and realize we are only allowed a certain amount of time. None of us know when we will be called home, when our supply of precious moments is “used up”. If we all really stopped and thought about this would, we be wasting so many of those moments. Would we allow ourselves to be constantly driven for more, bigger and better. Or, would we stop or at least slow down enough to see what we really do have or what is available to us in this life as we have it today. Why is it we seem to need to reach the point of having something like a death sentence hanging over your head before we can really see our lives for what they are.

I am just sitting here thinking and a realization came to me. I was writing this with the people in mind that do have “good” lives but just can’t see it. I have done several recent posts on abuse. This whole abuse issue is just so awful and is something I am not familiar with so it doesn’t just naturally pop up in my mind, well until recently when I began doing some reading on it. I have written on battered women and the endless suffering they endure. I realize “seeing” your life for what it is applies both ways seeing it for how really good it is or how bad it is. Here again it seems like the “death sentence” is the ultimate motivating factor in making a change. How many times have I read or heard stories of women suffering years of endless abuse. Upon escaping the abuse I often have read them making a comment such as: “I knew if I went home he would kill me, I had to get out”. Why does it usually seem to take something as serious as a “death sentence” to prompt or force us to make changes in our lives???? What can I say to convince everyone to really take a good honest hard look at your life as it is to day, be it good or bad. To SEE your life for what it is, again be it good or bad. Life is truly meant to be lived to the fullest and enjoyed, not to be endured. Based on what you SEE in your life make changes if necessary be it to your mindset or to your physical surroundings and life circumstances. Please don’t wait until you have a death sentence hanging over your head before you can really SEE AND REALIZE, “There is so much in the world for us all if only we have the eyes to see it”. Why is it that it seems no matter how deep or how nasty is the rut in which we find our lives it is still our rut. We are familiar with our rut and are seemingly afraid to try to venture out into the unfamiliar, to go beyond the “comfort” of the familiarity of the rut no matter how bad it may be.

Even if we do “SEE” it, we still must have the heart to love it. I know in my heart how I understand this to be taken, but am struggling with finding the words to describe my feelings, my thoughts. Well that has never stopped me before, so it certainly isn’t going to stop me now and here we go.

It is fine to be able to “SEE” where we would like to make changes in our lives. It is entirely different though, to really stop and think and realize how important those changes are to us to our lives. It is so much easier to just blow thoughts off as nothing but a wisp of fantasy, with thoughts of “if only”. I am not talking about things like winning the lottery or anything like that, I am talking about real life. Do we have it in our heart to love our life as it is, (mindset)? This is where I struggle with wording, as I am eliminating all things material and money itself from my thinking as it is all really immaterial to our internal happiness. I am talking about deeply internal feelings, peace of mind, serenity, love, contentment, joy of life……. How badly do we want to bring about an necessary change to allow us those wonderful feelings? Now I know there are all the sayings like the grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence etc.. This is where it is so important for a brutally honest life assessment by each of us individually. Each must make their own individual assessment. For our own internal peace this must be done individually and not guided, controlled or manipulated by others. We must live our lives, not the lives as others want us to. God granted us each free will, it is our responsibility in life to do that, live our lives as we inside know is best for us. ****I am excluding parents raising children from this, obviously. Children must be taught healthy boundaries and to grow to be healthy adults where they in turn can make those same healthy decisions for themselves.****** It comes down to, how badly do we want to live a health, happy, love filled life?

“the hand to gather it to us”. This is by far the hardest part, if in fact it was easy every one would be living wonderful lives. It takes courage, it takes strength and determination to bring about changes to our lives. It comes back to how badly do we want it. Change is difficult especially life changes. As difficult as they may be, they are the most important changes we can make in our life. The most necessary changes we must make in our lives. Because of my health I have real a lot of articles, books etc. on death and dying. Countless is the number of times I have read of people on their death bed, feeling full of regret. Regret over not spending more time enjoying life. Regret over having wasted so many of their precious moments enjoying life, living life. Never have I read of anyone regretting not working a 60 hour week instead of only a 40 hour week. Never have I read of a person regretting not staying in an abusive relationship to take just one more beating or put down. All of the regrets are the exact opposite of having endured life instead of living it.

I hope and pray any and all that may read this will have many, many more years of life in front of them. Let today be a new beginning, recognize that OK there have been many wasted moments of irretrievable time, lost in the past but no more. Today, is a new day and I will not waste any more of my precious moment of time. Nothing is impossible, no matter how bleak your circumstances may appear, a change is possible. Yes, it will be difficult, but the pay off is so well worth it. It will require strength, energy and determination and unfortunately time, but it can be done. Some may come in little baby steps but with determination it will come. Some may require drastic immediate action, IF YOU ARE IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP GET OUT NOW. Courage, strength and determination will see you through.

Any life change is difficult and may in fact require the support of others. Irregardless of the change you are making big or small, out side support is always a great help. Surround yourself with healthy support. Seek out help a life change is difficult, encouragement and support could make the difference in success and failure. Surround yourself with nothing but healthy relationships, in fact rid yourself of unhealthy relationships of any sort. It can be done. Always remember:

“There is so much in the world for us all if only we have the eyes to see it, and the heart to love it and the hand to gather it to ourselves.”

Lucy Maud Mongomery


4 Responses to Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Make changes

  1. babychaos says:

    They always say only you can change your life. It’s very true.

    As for pee days… I sympathise and being 8 months pregnant, I also hear you loud and clear!



    Hi BC. you are so right it is up to each of us individually to take responsibility for our own lives.
    I am so happy about your pregnancy, when is you are due to have the baby.
    Have a good day my friend

  2. Mel says:

    Welcome back, sir…..I do hope you have a lovely visit.
    And I’m glad to hear the physician’s reports are positive.
    (yup, been worried about ya……..)

    And the saying–good enough to copy and post on the fridge!
    I’m picky about what hangs on the fridge–so that oughta tell you how much I endorse it!


    Hi Mel, it is nice to be back. Everything considered my doctors reports are all very good, which is indeed nice to hear.
    I’m glad you like the quote it is beautiful and so true, I wish I could take credit for coming up with it.
    Have a great day

  3. John Stephenson says:


    I have been reading and following this site for over a year.
    Today you mention “pee” days–everyday is that for me with my water pillss. I sometimes thin for every glass that goes in 10 come out.
    But putting that aside you spoke about the “heart failure clinic”—use my email address Bill and tell me where it is found. I am seeing my internist again next week and would like to ask him more about this and how to access. He has been good over the 15 years or so since we discovered I have a cardiomyopathy that resuolts in my heart beating at 200–permanent atril fibrillation et al. Maybe it is time to go to “heart failure clinic”


    Hi John, you are sort of my hero and role model if you can live for 15 years with all of this and still be going so strongly, well so can I. Good for you. I sent you the information you asked for by email. If you didn’t get it or want more please just let me know.

  4. Jason says:

    I really do hope you are getting better. I’ve been viewing your journey for a while. Sometimes when we don’t feel like we can control our bodies, there are other things you can still manage. I found this website http://www.bridgebeyond.com and there were a number of things on there that I found helpful such as a Final Wishes planner and information on Funeral Pre Planning. It’s just an informational site – they are not selling you anything. Anyhow, at least for me this was helpful in knowing I had taken care of my family and other issues.
    All the best,

    Hi Jason, I did visit your site and found a lot of useful information, I thank you for sharing it.

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