Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Diabetes

I’ve taken a few days off from the daily journaling. Occasionally, I need to regroup and get my thoughts together, sort of re-a-line my thinking.

I realize I have allowed myself to become somewhat complacent about some of my medical conditions. I hear words like heart failure and suddenly my heart becomes foremost to my mind. I really haven’t been feeling to spry for the past month or so but put it down mostly to the nasty chest cold I have had for over 3 months.

I go for regular blood tests, the results of which are forwarded to my doctor and he reviews them with me at each appointment. My regular appointment was last week. At my last visit he had prescribed a new pill to control my blood sugar levels with the diabetes. Well something is apparently not working quite right as he described the diabetes as being out of control. More blood tests and I see him again next week.

Now as a heart patient I suppose I am somewhat spoiled. Everyone maintains a very positive upbeat attitude, sort of like “don’t worry, don’t get stressed and focus on the long term”. It was a little unsettling when I could clearly see the doctor was worried. Now especially when he threw in a few words such as amputations. Not something I have anywhere on my list of things I would like to do.

With the progression of the disease I have lost most of the feeling in my hands and feet. It is hard to describe the sensation. I still have some feeling, it is sort of like, if you scratch your foot while wearing a heavy wool sock. I can feel it but not very clearly.

I appreciate it when my doctors are open and honest with me. His comment, “it is your diabetes that is going to kill you” seemed almost harsh at the moment. But, I really don’t want to be left trying to read between the lines.  Tell me, as it is.

It takes me a few days to get my head wrapped around some issues. I need time to retreat to my meditation chair and really think it through. I admit to having a couple of poor me days. Thinking thoughts such as why me and it is just not fair. I mean, I have the bad heart, heart failure, a brain tumor, diabetes, epilepsy, sleep apnea, when is enough, enough.

It has taken a few days but I think I have my head back in forward gear. I questioned, why me? But really, why not me? Millions of people every year are afflicted with each of those conditions. Why would I think, I am so special the Good Lord would spare me over another. Actually, there is no real reason I can think of.

The Good Lord has actually spared me through 4 heart attacks. I believe, He obviously has some plan in mind for me. I know that what ever that plan may be, it is for my best interest. I am content with that and am ready for what ever may come my way.


13 Responses to Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Diabetes

  1. Hi Bill, I am holding you in my thoughts.

    Hi Jill, know you are always in my thoughts and prayers. I thank you my friend

  2. dobegil says:

    Hi Bill:
    Having diabetes also, I understand your frustrations. I am having a hard time getting my sugar levels in line. When I feel good, it is sky high, when I feel bad, it’s in the good range … LOL … as my doc says, I’m backwards!

    You, my friend, are always in my prayers. God is definately using you through your blog. You always come around and know that He has a plan. It would be nice if He’d clue us in, once in a while!


    Hi Deb, it is in fact my hope and prayer that God may use me in any way He should so choose. You are so right wouldn’t it be so nice to every once in a while have Him clue me in, as to what His plans or wishes are.
    Have a good weekend

  3. mel says:

    Oy geeze….I’m sorry to hear that this is a struggle for you, Bill.
    I know I can start to mutter about ‘G-d doesn’t give us more than we can handle’–grumbling that He’s a bit confused about who He’s workin’ with.
    I sell myself short.
    And mostly, it’s not about me not being capable–I just get dang tired of ‘getting to’.
    (go figure He then makes arrangements for me to ‘rest’….)

    “Be still and know.”

    (I STILL think He oughta just send on an email. LOL)

    I’ve never stopped praying for you and yours Bill.
    And I agree with you–wisepersoninmylife asked ‘than WHO?’….and honestly, I couldn’t think of anyone I’d wish it on.
    I figure that’s a GOOD thing. LOL Cuz there WAS a time I’da packaged it up and been okay with handing it over to someone else to deal with.
    Maybe that means I’ve grown some, eh?

    Nah. LOLOL

    ((((((((((( Bill ))))))))))))))))

    Mel, my friend. I know that means you have definitely grown and in that area I am right there with you. I know there are times in the past when I would have gladly bundled up all my problems and handed them off. Even thinking that now is a little embarrassing but that is where I was in my life at that time.
    The thought “He never puts more on your plate than you can handle” has helped me many times. There have been many time when it has seemed to me that God has more faith in my ability to deal with things than I do in myself. Slowly that attitude is also changing.
    Have a good weekend

  4. Henri says:

    When your granddaughter’s daughter reads to her children. She will be able to read YOUR “ramblings”!
    What a gift.
    My hope (selfishly, for my sisters sake) is that you continue your ramblings for another fifty years.

    Hi Henri, I thank you so much for this so kind comment. I have thought of my daughters reading and possibly my grand daughter, but hadn’t thought of it extending past that. The thought that it may extend past that is kind of amazing, I have to really think on that and leave a message or something.
    I really like you idea of the fifty years. OK, it is official, “My” target date for my last post is fifty years from today.
    Talk to you later

  5. ceeque says:

    Hi Bill, sorry to hear about the diabetes troubles … I can relate to that definetly having taken insulin for 28 years now. The last few years has become a nightmare of mood swings and out-of-controlness! My levels swing like a yoyo now and I can`t seem to do anything about it like I used to… I know of friends of mine who have developed Diabetes, refused to control it and have since lost limbs and usage….Please don`t let this happen to you Bill, kick your doc into setting you up better!!! Take care my friend eh?

    Hi Charles, my good friend. I hadn’t realized diabetes could affect you in the ways it obviously does. I am now sitting up and paying much more attention to it. I can only hope and pray you and your doctors can find a way to better control yours.
    Have a good weekend

  6. Lorri says:

    My last blood tests , a few weeks back, showed that I had the beginning of adult diabetes. Well, having severe heart disease, osteoarthritis in my neck and hands, and systemic lupus (which is life threatening) is enough for me, for anyone, for that matter. So, I’m taking control with my food intake, watching carefully what I eat, etc. When I grocery shop I now buy all non-sweetened jams, jellies, canned goods, etc. I am watching what natural fruits I eat, as some are more dangerous than others, and vegetables too.

    Sorry to hear you are going through this situation.

  7. Carol says:

    Hi Bill,

    It’s got to be sobering to hear those words from your doctor.

    I’m glad that you have your meditation chair!

    Thinking of you.

    Peace & Love

  8. John P. says:

    Bill, I can relate…I have had this wonderful disease since I was 12 years old.
    Cancer and stints thrown in for good luck along the way just to make it really interesting.My daughter makes me get from day to day. Ive worked so hard and made abucket load of money and kept so many people happy that I forgot to focus on keeping little old me alive ! Even till Im 45. I wish you the very best that any of us lucky people can hope for……….


    Hi John and welcome. Sorry to hear of all you are going through. I am glad to hear you have your daughter at your side to keep you going. I wish you all the best my friend.

  9. shirl says:

    My husband,just sits in his chair,eats and sleeps,his blood suger is high,he will not do anything he tells me he is dissy,and sometimes he has cheat pains,he will not go to the Dr..

  10. Rose says:

    Bill in your in my prayers, hang in there

    Welcome Rose and thank you

  11. Hi there could I quote some of the content from this post if I reference you with a link back to your site?

  12. diabetic health insurance…

    […]Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Diabetes « Dying mans daily journal[…]…

  13. Rachel says:

    hi, only just came across your blog as I was searching for ‘diabetes + dying’ as I have the condition too. I’ve experimented a little with very low carbing and it takes some getting used to, but i found it can really dramatically reduce some of the symptoms so just thought I would share. I understand that your dealing with terminal illness, but as this could help you feel more comfortable it might be a help. Take care.

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