Dying Man’s Daily Journal – My Earth Angels

December 19, 2007

I always seem to have a problem when I set out specifically to write a post. My style is to just ramble, write out the thoughts that come to my head. To actually sit and write something I want to be meaningful is difficult. I have been trying to write to thank all of the wonderful people, my Earth Angels that contributed to my birthday request for acts of kindness and donations of food. I am going to get it finished for tomorrow.

As I have been struggling with the wording, I just checked my email. There is a message from cousin Gloria. The wording is something along the lines of how I hope everyone out there feels after their acts of kindness and generosity.
Psalm 55:22 — you really need to read this.
‘Friends are God’s way of taking care of us.’
This was written by a Metro Denver Hospice Physician:

I was driving home from a meeting this evening about 5, stuck in traffic on Colorado Blvd., and the car started to choke and splutter and die. I barely managed to -coast, cursing, into a gas station, glad only that I would not be blocking traffic and would have a somewhat warm spot to wait for the  tow truck. It wouldn’t even turn over.

Before I could make the call, I saw a woman walking out of the ‘quickie mart ‘ building, and it looked like she slipped on
some ice and fell into a Gas pump, so I got out to see if she was okay

When I got there, it looked more like she had been overcome by sobs than that she had fallen; she was a young woman who looked really haggard with dark circles under her eyes. She dropped something as I helped her up, and I picked it up to give it to her. It was a nickel.

At that moment, everything came into focus for me: the crying woman, the ancient Suburban crammed full of stuff with 3 kids in the back (1 in car seat), and the gas pump reading $4.95.

I asked her if she was okay and if she needed help, and she just kept saying ‘ don’t want my kids to see me crying,’ so we stood on the other side of the pump from her car. She said she was driving to California and that things were very hard for her right now. So I asked, ‘And you were praying?’

That made her back  away from me a little, but I assured her I was not a crazy  person and said, ‘He heard you, and He sent me.’

I took out my card and swiped it through the card reader on the  pump so she could fill up her car completely, and while it was fuelling, walked to the next door McDonald’s and bought 2 big bags of food, some gift certificates for more, and a big cup of coffee. She gave the food to the kids in the car, who attacked it like wolves, and we stood by the pump eating fries and talking a little.

She told me her name, and that she lived in Kansas City Her
boyfriend left 2 months ago and she had not been able to make ends meet. She knew she wouldn’t have money to pay rent Jan 1, and finally in desperation had finally called her parents, with whom she had not spoken in about 5 years.
They lived in California and said she could come live with them and try to get on her feet there.

So she packed up everything she owned in the car. She told the kids they were going to California for Christmas, but not that they were going to live there.

I gave her my gloves, a little hug and said a quick prayer with
her  for safety on the road. As I was walking over to my car, she said, ‘So, are you like an angel or something?’

This definitely made me cry. I said, ‘Sweetie, at this time of
year angels are really busy, so sometimes God uses regular people.’

It was so incredible to be a part of someone else’s miracle. And
of course, you guessed it, when I got in my car it started right away and got me home with no problem. I’ll put it in the shop tomorrow to check, but I suspect the mechanic won’t find anything wrong.

Sometimes the angels fly close enough to you that you can hear the flutter of their wings…

I know I have been hearing the fluttering of Angel wings coming from all over the blogosphere

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Ranting/sexual abuse

December 17, 2007

I am up way way to early. I am not sure if it was the need to answer the call of nature or this headache that woke me up. Tried to go back to sleep but couldn’t with the headache, just kept tossing and turning. Didn’t want to awake Vi at 3:30am so here I am, while waiting for the Tylenol to kick in.

Actually, I had a post planned for today, even started writing it last night. I have been over whelmed by the kindness and generosity show by wonderful people from all over the world in responding to my birthday request for an act of kindness and generosity. Some have responded telling me of their acts here on the blog others by email. That will go up either later today or tomorrow. To try to do justice to such a post I want to be in a better frame of mind and not tired and grumpy as I am now.

At this moment I feel a need to vent and to any that may read this, sorry, but that is what you are getting, my venting at you.

I am really trying to increase my spirituality and emotional well being as I prepare for my journey. I am succeeding and am becoming much more understanding and accepting of all that goes on around me. I have just spent maybe 10 minutes thinking about it and I do think, I now only have 2 buttons that can be pushed that will get me stirred up in a flash.

Number one is say something or do something to my family and I will be in your face in a flash.

It is button number two that has been pushed this morning. I do have a big soft spot in my heart for children, hurt or neglect a child and you have hit button #2. This is the button that was pushed as I read this mornings newspaper.

An 11 year old girl was attacked and sexually assaulted and not all that terribly far from our own house. I am just sitting here at the computer trying to come up with words that describe my feelings on things like this. Horrific, is something along the lines of my thoughts but not strong enough. If per chance I ever happened across such an event in progress and had trusty baseball bat with me, it would be used very generously. My rant now goes in 3 different directions.

Firstly, about the sick individual that would do this sort of thing. Now I am just you average guy and I disagree with crime. But, there are some cases where I disagree with it but can have at least an element of understanding. Such as you need food and have to steal it to get it. OK, I still disagree with it but can sort of understand it. Molesting a child, I can’t even begin to get my mind to understand that.

I just hope they catch this guy and all like him very soon. All are lucky I am not the judge that would be determining their prison sentence. How does no chance of parole for 1,000 years sound?

Rant #2. According to the newspaper, this attack took place about 1:00am. I am not sure now if it was Saturday morning or Sunday morning, but that doesn’t matter. The young lady was apparently returning home from a friends house. This all happened in the “rougher” part of town. I have to wonder where were the parents? Now, I don’t want to rush to judgement as I do not know the circumstances with the adults. I know it is very easy for me to sit here on my high and righteous horse and say there is no way I would be allowing my 11 year old daughter to be walking home alone in any part of town. Never mind one of the roughest parts of town. Just as there is no way I would allow one of my daughter’s friends to walk home. There must be some explanation for this that I am not aware of. There is a lot of “blame” that can possibly be spread around here but absolutely NONE should go to the little girl NONE, NONE, NONE.

I am starting to feel better, venting does help. Head ache is easing up, will be back in bed soon. I will end it with my last rant and be done.

Rant #3. Our Canadian justice system. Now, I know I am getting way, way ahead of myself and events here. They haven’t even caught the guy yet and here I am speculating on his prison sentence. I mentioned earlier that if I was the judge the sentence would be like 1,000 years, in other words he would never get out of jail. Here in Canada, that will not even be close. There was a different story in the paper not long ago. A gang of individuals got together and savagely beat a man to death. Their sentences 2 years. I just have to shake my head.

Sorry, to subject all to my venting, I needed to get it out of my system.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – My birthday

December 15, 2007

Yesterday was my birthday and it was wonderful. I received numerous phone calls from even as far away as South Africa. Wonderful e-cards and emails all so very nice. Mail man deliver even more greetings. Then here on the blog so many nice and kind wished, my thanks to all.

In the evening we were treated, by my brother Eric, to a feast on fine Chinese food, my favorite.  We were joined by Eric and Lynda, Eric (jr) and his girlfriend Ashley, together with Vi’s daughter Lynelle and grandson Seth. Meal was excellent and the company even better. It was like a joint birthday celebration as Eric (jr) has his birthday in a week and won’t be in town on that date. A big thank you to my brother Eric for picking up the tab for the evening and to all that joined in.

In a birthday wish my cousin Carol joked that I should have picked a warmer month to have my birthday. I was told that last night it was a balmy -43 with the wind chill. I just looked at the weather and see it has warmed all the way up to -35.

Even with the “bit of a chill in the air”, it was wonderful and I do thank all

Dying Man’s Daily Journal _ Wasted Moments.

December 12, 2007

Wasn’t feeling all that good yesterday. Did the day ever fly past. I suppose laying down for a nap around 11:00am and not awaking until 6:30pm can do that. I know I have asked this before but when you sleep for 7 1/2 hours does that still count as a nap. I also spent a lot of time just thinking about life, my life and just life in general.

When it comes to just generally, living life, I think it is most important to live, life with no regrets. No regrets over things unsaid or undone, Nor regrets over things that were said or done. Very easy to say, but impossible to accomplish through an entire lifetime.  What is a regret, nothing but a bothersome, worrying or upsetting thought about the past. A memory of a past words said or actions taken either by ourselves or by others. Issues that we regret, are sorry for, whether they were done by us or to us. Memories that can haunt us, bother us and even virtually destroy our lives. Life is far to precious to allow anything do that to us. This is especially made clear when we realize, a memory is exactly that just a memory. A thought running though our heads about past events.

Why would I allow a “mere” thought take control of and maybe destroy any chance of living life. When I write it like that it actually sounds kind of silly to me. Having said that, I know there have been times when I have allowed that very thing to happen to me. I realize I have spent to much time living in the past, continually asking the “what if’s” and the “if only” questions of my self. If only this had or hadn’t happened, my life would be so much better. But, how do we know it would have been better, we dream and fantasize it would have been, but really we don’t know that. These, “if only” dreams and fantasizes about the past always have the best ending in them for us. The ending, that we think would have made our lives better or more complete.

My regrets, largely came from times when I now see and realize it was when my plans or visions for the future didn’t come about as I planned, as I “knew” would be best for me.

I pray daily asking that God’s will be done in my life. Yet, I still get upset when things don’t go according to my plan, my will. Hmm, have to think about that. I have to ask myself, why am I praying for God’s will to be and then not accepting things as they come.

As hard, as disappointing as life may have seemed at times as I fought to have my will prevail, I in fact lost many of those battles. Looking back now, and only now can I realize these were actually battles, well lost. Inspite of myself and my often thinking my way was the right way, or even the only way, I have been brought to a point where I am very content with my life. Content doesn’t really say it, I am very happy with my life. My regret now, it on looking back and realizing all the precious time I did waste. Once again, I was seeing only the small picture, that of the moment. I was failing to see the big picture, the one of my life.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Birthday Request Reminder.

December 10, 2007

I can’t believe how quickly this past year has gone by. An entire year filled with precious moments, I have loved and appreciated everyone of them. In a couple of days, on Dec. 13th it will be my birthday. It will be the big 55. Hey, I will have to update my “about” page. It has been a good year, there have been a few little bumps in the road, but in the overall big picture of my life that is all they have been is little bumps in the road. Wow, I made it to 55. There have been times when it has been in question if I would make it this far. But I am here, doing fine and am aiming for quite a few more years.

It is so hard to even fathom, I have been blogging for well over a year now. I have met so many wonderful people, really is amazing. The love and support that has been shown to be is far beyond anything I could ever have imagined. I am so grateful.

Even as grateful as I am, I am not above straight out asking for birthday presents. I did it last year and I am doing it again this year. Last year I asked for a single present this year I am getting greedier and am asking for two. Imagine the nerve of this guy actually asking for presents from mostly strangers. Well here I am and at it again.

In my post of Nov 30th., I wrote of my first request. A quick recap of my request: Perform a single act of kindness. It doesn’t matter to whom this act is extended or even the size of the act. What matters to me is that one extra act of kindness was performed. I know by our very nature, all perform countless acts each and everyday. I am asking though that we all set out deliberately looking for some way in which to perform one more. Again the size of the act doesn’t matter, so much as that we each made a conscious choice to do something for another, purely from the loving goodness contained within our hearts.

I believe anonymous acts of kindness reflect the true beauty and love contained within our hearts. They are true loving acts done with no thought of recognition or compensation. Pure acts of love and kindness. Our acts may remain anonymous to the recipients but I ask that you tell me about them. It would not be in a glory or praise seeking way but to acknowledge ourselves for the good people we are. Plus, by sharing it may help or even encourage others to do the same.

Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless – Mother Teresa

Gift #2. As I am facing the upcoming Christmas. I am feeling a little guilty. I know I will partake in many wonderful meals with mountains of food and goodies and that I will undoubtedly consume my fair share if not more. Hey, it is Christmas, isn’t that a part of the way we all celebrate it? I almost breaks my heart as I think that, sadly this is not the case for so many. When I think of people going without something as basic to life, my mind automatically goes to those tragically affected by conditions in 3rd world countries. My heart and prayers are with all of them.

I have a very definite soft spot in my heart for children. I know there are children right here in Canada, in ever country around the world that are hungry. For what ever reason, through circumstances far beyond their control they are often left hungry. How can this be???? There are occasions when we can indeed get on our moral high horses and point fingers at the parents for what ever reason. But, this is absolutely not always the case, circumstances beyond control can often be the major factor. But, who cares about the circumstances, when it comes to the children, I certainly don’t.

My request, help me ease my conscience as I chow down over Christmas. Make a food donation to someone in need. The where doesn’t matter, where ever you see there is a need. There is an almost unlimited number of places, organizations constantly looking for food to distribute to those in real need. It can be the neighbor down the street you know is going through a tough time. Here in Winnipeg, we have Winnipeg Harvest, a wonderful organization collecting and delivering food to those in need. There are the missions that run what I suppose would be called “soup kitchens” feeding the hungry. There are the countless international organizations. The list could just go on and on. Can I or can anyone help feed the world, well obviously not. But, that doesn’t mean I can’t at least a little bit to help feed even one other. Even a single can of soup can be a help to someone.

“We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give” – Norman MacEwan

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Extending life.

December 9, 2007

This past couple of weeks, I have been having some really “deep” thoughts. Thoughts on death and dying, euthanasia, murder, accidents all of the things that can bring our leaving this physical world. The very title of my blog may give some indication of why my thoughts run in that direction more often than maybe it does for others.

None of my thoughts have been of the poor me sort. It is more like I am searching to get a better understanding of the whole process within my own mind. The actual process obviously is very simple, you die, you pass to the next world. It is more the whys and the hows, I am questioning, struggling to understand.

Accidents, well and accident is just that an accident. So tragic and often do preventable. We read about accidental deaths daily in the newspaper, but never really stop to realize that could have been you. Ever spill a glass of water, ever stub your toe on something. What was that an accident, they do happen to you my friends, no one is accident proof. Please, just be aware and think about that.

Murder, now you don’t even want to get me going on that one, you will have me ranting and raving for a month. I think I will so a post on that in the New Year.

For the past couple of months I have been thinking of a post on this subject. I have even started one several times. This is a subject close to my heart so I thought I should be putting real effort into it as opposed to just rambling on as I always do. Just typing the thoughts as they enter my head. Many times I have written a little, edited, rewritten on and on, until I give up in frustration. So not subtle reminders of it keep hitting me right in the face, telling me to write it, creating the urge the need within me to write it. Back to my style, my ramble.

Suicide. My not so subtle reminders of this. This very recent suicide of a friend of Lynelle’s (stepdaughter) and the reminder it is the one year anniversary of the passing of Andrew Dunn (please check out his memorial site listed on my blog roll).

Now be very clear, I am very opposed to suicide. Life is just to precious to end it prematurely. No matter how bleak or dismal your circumstances may appear there is help and it can and will get better. If such thoughts ever enter your head, please call someone, a suicide hotline, a friend or go to a hospital. If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for your family and those that love you. Please.

Be also very clear that in what I am about to write I am talking about only maybe .000001% of people. Another “Bill” statistic totally made up in my own head. I am thinking of only people with sever medical problems. People facing certain death, there is no chance of recovery. But, while awaiting the inevitable they are in extreme agony and suffering greatly. Now many will automatically say, “there are new discoveries being made every day in medicine and miracles do happen”, I agree. It should be up to God alone as to when it is we are called home.

A couple of weeks ago, I watched a very interesting documentary on TV. It was hard for me to watch, a couple of times I had to get up and actually leave the room. I was always drawn back in. (Memory guy) I can’t remember the gentleman’s name or even the particular disease he was suffering from. I almost think it was ALS but I can’t be sure.The disease had ravaged the man’s body to the point he was almost paralyzed from the neck down. He could move his head, speak and swallow what was put in his mouth. With the rapid progression of the disease very soon he would be loosing the ability to even do this. Soon after that the very ability to breath would be gone and a respirator would be necessary. He would be fed through a tube going directly into his stomach. He would be a total prisoner within this own body. Unable to communicate in even the most basic of ways. His body was already at the point where it was being kept alive through modern medicine. While he still had the ability to communicate he voice his desire for an assisted suicide. According to the documentary, in Switzerland it is perfectly legal for doctors to write you a prescription for what I suppose would be called a death potion. Now I can’t speak with any degree of accuracy as to the exact medical criteria for getting the prescription. Based only on the documentary, I believe it to be: the patient must be able to voice this request and consume the potion on their own. This man opted for that choice and it was carried out. Was it right or wrong, I just don’t know.

I am hoping for a lot of feedback to help me on this. Now I know people of virtually every faith will automatically say it is wrong, it is a sin. God and only God is to determine when we leave this earth. I agree totally.

It is a point the man on the show raised that has me thinking. Always remember in this whole thing I am only talking about people, who’s health has already deteriorated to the point they are actually being kept alive by man made medicines or machines, and I mean physically alive. I have prayed many times that the Good Lord calls me home at the time of his choosing not mine.

I am asking for feedback please, help me sort this out in my head. This point comes from a thought from that documentary. We are all given free will. I have it, my family has it, the doctors have it, everyone does. This free will thing allows us to make choices, some of which I know God may not always approve of. My point, when it is our time to go, remember I am only talking in the extreme medical cases, many times that free will is exercised. Someone will exercise their free will and a decision will be made to use extraordinary extreme measures to keep a loved one alive. I totally understand. But, I wonder do we so fear death, be it our own or that of a loved one that we will do absolutely anything to avoid or delay it. I have to wonder, in all of this are there times when we allow our will to supersede that of God. With the advances in medicine and science doctors now have the ability to keep a body alive well past, what I suppose could be considered the normal life cycle. Meaning the person would have passed away without the application and use of machines. Have we used our free will to keep them or even a shell of them here, past the time of God’s calling.

I repeat again I am only talking very extreme medical conditions. With these thoughts I know I am on a very slippery slope. I look at myself, I have had 4 heart attacks, 2 of which I know I would not have survived without medical assistance. I take a handful of pills everyday, that I know keep me alive. Where do you draw the line or is there even a line to be drawn.

I believe God gifted certain people the ability to be healers. Others have been gifted with the ability to come up with the inventions for the medicines and the very machines I am talking about. All are gifts from God and I am very grateful, I would not be here without them. I think everyone should use ever medical option and treatment available to them appreciating them as gifts from God. I say that, I believe that but is there a point when we take a good thing to far. I don’t know.

Death is a natural part of the cycle of life. I am really not looking forward to it, but I do think it can be a beautiful experience passing from one world to the next, when done in the natural order of things and after all reasonable medical treatment has failed. Will the experience be the same if at that time I have doctors, zapping my chest with electricity or shoving tubes down my throat, I don’t think so.

I have signed a DNR a do not resuscitate notice. When God calls I want to go peacefully. Please tell me what you think of this.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – I am having a good day!!!

December 7, 2007

Again, I thank all the wonderful people that left comments and/or offer up prayers for our dear young friend Philppa. I will keep all posted if I hear of learn of any further developments. I can’t imagine how this outflow of flow of love and support may affect a young 14 year old. I can only pray, hope and imagine the effect has been in a very surprising wondrous way. I know at 14 she is facing a tremendously difficult and painful situation. I will keep in touch with her at least on a weekly basis, offering love and support, forwarding any new messages that may have been posted. I don’t know what to expect or I suppose have no expectations of responses from her, it will be enough just to know she has read our thoughts and to know she aware of how important she is to all of us. I am going to adopt a few words from her original message as my mantra, “Everyday is a bonus”.

To me those words carry a special significance. Only once has a doctor given me an sort of a time estimate or I suppose better put would be a time “guesstimate” on the length of time I may have on this earth. It was only after much poking, prodding and what I suppose may have been bullying from me that he gave me even that. I do realize his guesstimate was merely that, a guess based of my history, statistics etc.. I never have and never will live my life based on statistics. As of the first week in November I am a full year past the long end of his time guesstimate and I have no plans on leaving this earth anytime soon. I do realize and appreciate the fact that it is indeed the Good Lord, that will have the final say as to when I am called home. Until then I will count each day as a bonus.

I am certainly not sure why I would be granted extra time. I just really TRY each morning to be thankful for the blessing of that day. For really that is what it is, each day that, each and everyone of us receive is a blessing.

I emphasized the word try, as it is so often very difficult to remember that each and every day, is in fact a special gift given to each and everyone of us. It is so very easy to get caught up in the “heat of the moment”, or the “issue of the day or month, what ever.” We can loose sight of the true wonders of life, the big picture. It is so easy to let the events of even, one moment, one day or one issue to take our eyes off that big picture. In that big picture, life is so good.

The big picture or tapestry of our lives is a big picture being carefully woven by God, on thread at a time. Every event, every circumstance, even every person may in fact just represent one single thread in the over all picture. No tapestry, no picture can be made beautiful if every thread was to be the same color. To be beautiful a picture requires a multitude of colors. Some light, breezy, happy colors, but also some darker, more solemn colors. It takes some contrast in color to make a picture beautiful. I see the events in our lives, the people in our lives and how all affect us, as providing that contrast. Reality is each of these may only represent on single thread. Does one single thread change the quality of the overall picture????

I am writing this as something I need to reaffirm in my own mind today. I know my overall out look on life is controlled by my own thoughts. I can in fact pretty much predetermine how much of my day will go. I have a conscious choice to make every morning. Do I want to have a happy day that will add a bright color to my life tapestry or do I want to have a sad or miserable day that will add a darker color to the tapestry. Sounds so simple doesn’t it. It can legitimately be asked how can I possibly have a happy day with everything going on around me? It can be difficult, I know that, on a very few occasions even impossible. I hate statistics, unless they are my own, being ones that I have just made up out of my own head. Here is my Bill statistic for today. I would estimate for the vast vast majority of us, about 99% of our problems in any given day are not as bad as they seem, or that we make them out to be at the time. We just need to stop and think of two things.

How big a part will this particular issue, that is  upsetting me at the time, actually play in the overall picture. If we are really honest with ourselves, we will find most events that are so, so upsetting at the time, won’t even register as the tiniest little blip in the picture. Now is that is the case, why even bother getting in a fuss over it.

The second is to remember that it is indeed me, myself that determines my mood. The outside world, events, people what ever can only affect my mood as much as I allow it to. Example, I run into a grumpy co worker, someone who is obviously having a bad day. They may be venting and seemingly trying to make everyone else’s day as miserable as their own. We have all had this sort of situation. I can react by taking on their mood, allowing them to get to me and spoil my day. OR, I can just recognize that they are having a bad day, even feel sorry for them for the day they are having. But see it as the day they are having, not me. Their mood can only get to me, if I allow it to happen. It can be difficult, I know. I also know it can be done.

I realize in the past while, I have lost sight of everything I just said. A couple of deaths, a suicide and this (#&*!) chest cold have gotten to me. A chest cold is getting to me, I know, poor me, whine, whine, whine. It is a chest cold, get over it. I wish I could get over it, I have had it for about 6 weeks and it isn’t letting up. It settles in your chest and one thing it does is make breathing more difficult. Like you can’t get in a full breathe. My otherwise healthy sister-in-law Debbie has it also and has mention how hard it is to get your breath. My heart failure a pre-existing condition causes me difficulty in breathing. Combine the two of them and I am sitting here, panting like a puppy dog. I have allowed something as simple as that to get to me. But, enough is enough. I have given myself a little talking to, “Bill it is a chest cold, you will get over it. Until then just live with it, there is nothing else you can do. Quit letting it get you down.”

I am going to have a good day, and I hope so are all of you.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Out pouring of love

December 7, 2007

I am today feeling so blessed, so grateful and in total awe of the wonderful people here in blog land and using the internet. The outpouring of love and support to Philippa has been phenomenal. I think Autumn Storm may have said it so well in a comment to the effect, that this brings out the best in all of us, being so genuinely loving and caring and making a difference to someone else. I feel almost as if something akin to a miracle is unfolding around me. People, literally around the world joining in to show love and support for a stranger. I am so proud of my blogging friends, so proud of everyone. I just pray we can keep this wonderful sharing of love going, growing and expanding.

Yesterday I said I would be sending another email to Philippa and I received a response.

Philippa wrote:

“hello thanks so much
sorry i must of not seen the email you sent befour
i didn’t expect all this!
it has made me think that people care so thank you !!
xxx ”

Plus, I see she has visited the site leaving two comments under my posting of yesterday. All of your wonderful comments have been read.

Late yesterday, I sent her a second email in which I copied all or your comments and included them. This I am told will make it easier for her to print them out, should she decide to take them to the hospital to share with her father.

All my friends, so you know, it was your comments I copied and forwarded to her, not mine. It is your love and caring that make all of this so special. I am honored that you would all choose to visit my site.

Philippa, my young friend. If you happen to read this, just know how much you are loved and the so many people do care about you and your family. I hope you realize how much support there is here for you. Support from around the world.

I will be sending you another email, forwarding more messages, the love just keeps rolling in.  I hope you are having a good day my young friend.


Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Heart Warming

December 6, 2007

Yesterday, I wrote of and copied the comment left for me by 14 year old Philippa. It is so heart warming to see the many responses, the words of encouragement and prayers that have been left for Plilippa. It is a true testament to the loving nature of the big and kind hearts of all those that left the messages. Plus, I know many others read the post and while they may not have left a message, Philippa and family are in their prayers, for which I am so grateful. This out pouring of love is such a beautiful thing to see. I have read every message and each is so beautiful and wonderful in its own way. I will not be responding to any as they are meant for Philippa, but I do thank all.

As I wrote in my post, the comment came to me via the internet, I mean by that not through a blog. Bloggers will know and understand this leaves me only with an email address by which I can make contact. Yesterday afternoon I did send a message. In it I included an invitation to revisit the site to read the out pouring of love and support coming from so many that were touched by the story and were showing their care, love and support.

I don’t know the circumstances that led Philippa to my site. Possibly a teenager searching the internet looking for answers, surfing the web, going from one site to another, I don’t know. I am not vane enough to think my site would hold enough interest, that it may have been book marked or anything like that. I hope and pray my message to her yesterday was actually read and not just deleted as we all so often do, when receiving something for an unknown source. I will be sending another message of invitation this afternoon.

In my heart I choose to believe the message was received and read. I hope and pray, she has in fact returned and has been comforted by the outpouring of love and support being sent to her. Will our messages remove the pain and fear she is undoubtedly facing at this moment, very likely not. With our out pouring of prayers, love and support can we maybe ease her burden in this very difficult part of her journey through life. YES, this I believe we can do. Can we help to possibly provide her with a glimmer of hope for the future, in what now must seem like a pretty dark and dismal world. YES, this I believe is something we can do. I have heard a saying something to the effect, we can’t be the world to everyone, but we can help the world of someone. I see this as but one opportunity to do this, I do thank all.

Philippa, my dear young friend. Through your comment you have touched the hearts and the lives of so many. You and you dad are in the hearts, thoughts and prayers of many more than you can even imagine. You are in the prayers of people from literally around the world. Much love is being sent to you. Your short comment, showed a wisdom, beyond that many will ever achieve in their entire lives. You have earned and deserve the respect of many. You certainly have mine.

My heart, thoughts and prayers are with you, your dad and entire family. You are facing such a terribly difficult time and no one can ever really understand exactly how you are feeling. Your pain and fears are yours and you will feel them, deal with them and experience them in your own way. But it is so important to also remember there are many others have had very similar thought and feelings and can truly relate to what you are going through. Right here on my blog are so many wonderful people that so want to help you.

Philippa, we are all here and whether you can imagine it or not, we all do love you and care so much about you. I know to a 14 year old it may even sound strange that people from around the world, people you have never met you, could love you. Well please believe me, when I tell you it is true.

My prayers are with your father, as I can in some way relate to what he may be feeling. I have 2 daughters and I have been told I am dying. I know the strength of a father’s love and the extreme sadness at the thoughts of being parted from them. Know your father loves you and is so very very proud of you. Know in his heart he is counting on you to carry on through your life, continuing to make him proud. He will always remain with you, in your heart.

You wrote of your father being in great pain. I am very lucky in that is something I generally do not have to deal with. Watching someone you love being in great pain is so difficult, my heart aches for you. I don’t know the circumstances of your visits with him. I hope they are wonderful visits and you are able to share your feelings of love for each other. But there is something very important you must understand. There may actually be times, when if your dad is in great pain and is not able to share his feelings of love as he would like to or as you would like to share and hear from him. Great pain can be so very difficult to deal with and sometimes can even make it impossible to share our love. I pray that it doesn’t happen, but if it does and at some point your dad isn’t showing you the love you would like to hear, see and feel, it is the pain that is causing it. His heart is really full of love for you, it is just he is unable to show it at that time.

I am sending you what we consider a big hug here in the world of bloggers, ((((((((((((((Philippa)))))))))))))). This afternoon I will be sending you another email.

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Please Join Me

December 4, 2007

I just read a comment. It had a very profound affect on me. The comment is both painful to read but inspiring at the same time. The comment is written by philippa, her comment shows such courage and wisdom while in the midst of great personal pain. Her message is nothing short of inspirational.

philippa Says:
December 4, 2007 at 9:05 pm edithi ya im philippa im 14. i wouldnt no how it feels to die but my dad has been sufering since my birthday 16 of june dieing slowly and painfully!! he has a brain tumor and when i go to se him it makes me no how lucky i am! at the moment everyday is a bonus for my dad so i just want to say how lucky we all are to be on this earth!!

love philippa

Dear Philippa, I am so sorry to hear of your father’s medical condition. I really do wish I had some words I could say that would ease your father’s pain and that which you and your family are feeling. I am glad you are able to spend time with you dad and that you realize and appreciate how lucky we are to have the ones that we love in our lives. You are so young to be facing the pain and the lose as you are. Please know you are in my heart, thoughts and prayers. I hope you don’t mind I am going to contact you directly by email. I have some internet sites to recommend that may help you at least in some small way.

I am asking here please for many many comments of support for this brave young lady. I accompany this with a huge please for prayers of love and support for her and family. Please lets shower her with the love and support of the entire blogging community.

She has no blog and left the comment just via the internet, tonight or tomorrow, I will be contacting her inviting her to return to the site. I pray there are countless replies of love and support for her to read. Please join me in at least trying to provide a feeling of love and support. I know we can do it. I just posted a blanket request on the sites of so many of my blogging friends. I hope I have not offended any