Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Good News/not so good news


Yesterday was a mixture of good news and what I suppose is some not so good news. I thank all that mentioned our dear friend Grant in their prayers. Grant had an angioplasty done with a stent being placed in his heart. The angioplasty clears a blockage on one of the arteries in the heart and the stent in put in to ensure the blocked area remains clear and open. He is doing well and we are all so grateful and thankful.

Now for the not so good news. I go for regular blood tests, the doctors monitor the levels of all sorts of things. There must be about 12 or 15 different things they check. I know it isn’t going to be good when the doctor phones wanting to see me between regular appointments. It means he has received the last results from the blood tests and feels he needs to see me, now, and can’t wait until the next regular appointment.

His receptionist phoned last Thursday and schedule an appointment for yesterday afternoon. I go in knowing he won’t be having good news but still he caught me a little by surprise. “Bill, you are a walking heart attack, just waiting to happen, all your blood test levels are way up.” I think he may have realized immediately how that may have sounded and quickly tried to calm or reassure me. “Don’t go getting all stressed or excited on me now, I brought you in so we can try to deal with it.”

Some may think his wording may be harsh or something, but I like that about Dr. C. he tells me as it is. No beating around the bush and I do appreciate that. He was glad to hear my next scheduled appointment with my cardiologist is in about 3 weeks or he would have been trying to make such an appointment asap.

Now doesn’t news like that just take the shine off of your day. Strangely the more I sit and think of it, I realize this may have been a bit of awake up call that I needed to hear. A bit of a reminder of where I am in life. I realize I have somehow over time allowed myself to become, I am not sure if complacent is the right word to use. I so see I have to some extent slipped back into my old ways of just taking life for granted. Sort of never mind what the doctors are saying, I am doing fine. I have survived 4 heart attacks and maybe I am bullet proof and defy all the odds. I know for everyone, sooner or later the odds will catch up with you.

Only, once have I ever been given any sort of a time estimate as to how much time I do have left. He was my family doctor at the time and he was very reluctant to give an estimate on my time left and really only gave in after I bullied and badgered him, It was something I really needed to know at that time. I will never forget his words. “There is really no way to tell, it could be 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months, a year, maybe a year and one half or even 2 years if you are lucky.” OK, these were words I really didn’t want to hear, but again I am thankful he was upfront and honest with me. I really do want to know where things stand and how I am really doing. I do understand the doctors are merely making educated guesses, no one other than the Good Lord above knows when I will be called home. Since then no doctor has been willing to make such a guess, each just stressing there is no way to tell, keep your mind set positive and focus on a longer time period. There is an old saying, “living on borrowed time”. Is that what I am doing? I don’t know, just know, I am a greedy guy when it comes to things like this and be assured if I borrowed time, I borrowed lots of it.

It seems my body is starting to not react to certain medications in the manner in which it is supposed to. My diabetes seems to be acting up and I may soon go beyond treatment with pills to insulin. My liver is unhappy and the doctor questioned by about my alcohol consumption. I will have a beer now and again but really not all that often. I would guess, if I bought a dozen beer for just myself that after a year I would likely still have 2 or 3 left over. He really stressed zero alcohol, well that is an indulgence I can easily forgo. I tried to joke with Vi afterwards, “gee, if I quite drinking cold turkey, do you think I will have to go through withdrawal of some sort”. She just laughed and assured me, she didn’t think it would be an issue.

OK, back to the first doctor that gave me a time estimate, I have great respect for him both as a person and as a doctor but guess what, I proved him wrong. Two years if I am lucky, haa, the first week in November will be 3 years. I am going to have to have some sort of a celebration. Celebrate the fact I am alive. Would anyone like to join with me in that celebration, not just that I am alive but that you are alive on that day? Life is something we all seem to just take for granted, or at least I know I always used to. We celebrate on special occasions, when I think of it, isn’t the fact we are alive the biggest reason to celebrate there ever could be. Am I suggesting we turn everyday into a big part, of course not.I am suggesting we turn each day into a celebration within our selves, in our minds and hearts. Celebrate life each day, or at the very least take even a short moment to reflect and be grateful for it, and for the lives of our loved ones and those close to us.

Don’t take life for granted, celebrate it, enjoy it. Don’t waste any time on foolish negativity. Every second or minute wasted is time gone forever, we can never get it back. Every minute wasted is precious time gone forever. Each of us only have a limited number of those precious minutes left on this earth. I pray all would recognize that fact and then choose not to waste a single one of our precious minutes.

13 Responses to Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Good News/not so good news

  1. I would like to celebrate with you. I am going to think about this and what I am going to do. I want it to be meaningful. xoxo Nita
    p.s. Did you check out your award on my site?

    hi Nita, welcome to the celebration. Please let me know what it is you decide to do. Yes I popped into your site, I thank you I am very honored you would choose to give me this award, thank youl

  2. A.M says:

    I am so glad that the Lord has given you the time you’ve had and the opportunity to really cherish your life. Maybe you’ll convince some of us not to wait until difficult things happen before we realize the value of the gift we’ve been given. I know I need to set some priorities straight. I pray that whatever length of life the Lord grants you will be rich and full of all the most important things.

    Dear A.M. I thank you for your so kind comment. I to am very grateful for the time the Good Lord has given me. Mostly, it has been in this “extra” time that I have been able to really see my priorities, set them a little straighter and really learn to see and appreciate my life.

  3. Lori says:

    I would love to celebrate with you. I love to read your postings each day and know that what you are trying to encourage each and everyone of us to do is a gift from you to each one of us. Of course the decision to take the gift that you offer is totally up to the individual.
    Bill, only God knows how much time each of us have, but each second that God gives us is a precious gift. Weather a person is healthy or sick I don’t feel makes a difference either way, our time could be in the next minute, the next day, week, month or year we truly don’t know when we will be called to heaven.
    Bill I am so very proud of all the lessons you have learned and will learn in this life and have are so willing to share them with all of us. You are truly a gifted kind man caring man. Bill when you are called to heaven god will be so very lucky to receive you as one of his angels. But right now you are still needed here on earth to lead the rest of us to taking better care of the time we have been given here on earth.
    We are all living on borrowed time! And as you say not a one of us should waist on second of this precious time!
    Hugs to you and Vi Bill. My prayers are with you daily.

    My Dear Lori, I am so humble and yet flattered at the same time for your so kind comments. With my writings I am trying to point out to people to really look at what truly is important in your life. Not just to see and realize what is there but to appreciate and enjoy it and life in general before it is to late. We really never do know when “to late will be”.
    Again I appreciate the kind comments about the lessons in life. I do believe I have learned some but still have many many more to go. My regret is it is only in this stage of my life that I am learning many of them.
    Now as for God being lucky to receive me, I am not so sure about that one. I have even been teased maybe He doesn’t want me and that is why he is leaving me here.lol
    My messages such as they may be, I will continue to write as long as I am able
    Again, thank you so much for this comment

  4. Yes, I would like to join the celebration of being alive one more day. Love.

    Kelly, glad to have you at the celebration

  5. V- says:

    Bill,

    Yesterday a co-worker and I were talking. He mentioned that I don’t seem as stressed lately, that I have seemed “happier” these last couple of months. I told him that it was because of your blog.

    From the day I started reading your blog, it struck a deep chord within my heart. I don’t know that I’ve ever had a conversation before with someone who knew they were dying. But for some reason your story touched me. You have inspired me to constantly put my life in perspective. I’m learning the difference between what matters and what doesn’t.

    Every morning driving into work, I actually try to imagine that it is my last day on earth. What will I do? What’s important? What lasts? What doesn’t?

    Thank you for that gift. Your story has changed me and I’m passing it on. Perhaps the man I talked to at work today will be changed and go on to speak to someone else. See the pattern? I just wanted to know that.

    I’m praying for you.
    I, for one, think that you are bullet proof!

    V. I thank you so much your comment is a kind and generous thing for you to say. It has a real feel good affect on me today, Something I needed today. If my ramblings have touched you in some way I am so honored to hear that. I wish everyone could have your attitude and look at each day as it may be their last. Most certainly not in a morbid way, but in a most positive way as you are. Live everyday the best you can, enjoy it. Recognize and appreciate what is important in our lives and let go of the rest. Negativity can only get to us if we let it. We can be surrounded by people full of negative thoughts and energy but that is their problem and will only affect us if we let it.
    I am honored that you would pass on a part of my message to another, the ripple affect spreads and I thank you.

  6. RubyShooZ says:

    Right on Bill. Every day is a day to celebrate our lives because every day we are granted really is a gift.

    What lasts is the love that we have in our lives – for ourselves and for others – right there along with the love others have of us.

    Much love today. ~ RS ~

    Ruby you are so right, every day is indeed a gift and a gift that should be appreciated. Love what a magical, wonderful and important thing it is.

  7. Mel says:

    Bill, I’m a greedy monger.
    If some of you has been nothing but wonderful…..more of you has to be beyond spectacular. I’m greedy that way. I’d love to celebrate FOUR years, five or six even.
    But I’m greedy. And selfish that way…….

    Yaknow–I’ve discovered the further I get away the facts of my existance, the cockier I become. And ‘cocky’ is the word for me. I get lazy and cocky and complacent. The very things I learned, perhaps I haven’t learned and I’m still in the ‘practice’ part of learning. One ‘learns’ to not put their hand on a hot stove and simply doesn’t put their hand on the stove. You’da thought enough pain came to make me want to ‘stay on the path’. I got all sorts of lessons about living a life of celebration every day………and yet here I am. Complacent and cocky.

    Human, I’m sure. On both of our parts……

    More practice is undoubtedly a part of the answer.

    I’m certain you’re not surprised when I share that I feel better, that I’m more centered and that I AM at peace when I DO practice those simple little things in celebration of life.
    I don’t ever want to forget where I’ve been, the forks in the roads that brought me here. Remembering doesn’t quite seem to be enough. I think, at least in my case, it’s called daily practice of what the lessons have opened my eyes and soul to.
    Practice, practice, practice.
    You, nor I, will do it perfectly.

    Practice it anyway, Mel…….cuz it matters to your soul and it matters in your relationship with the Big Guy…….and face it—when we DO practice it we shine brighter…and that touches everyone around us. And what an awesome gift to bring to the lives of everyone around us.

    (((((((((((((( Bill )))))))))))))))))))

    Count me in for the celebration. But please know that I’m celebrating already–today….THIS moment!

    Much love, Bill.

    Mel
    (the cocky one)

    Hey there, cocky one. There is a lot of wisdom in what you say here. We only need to touch a hot stove once and we quickly learn not to do that again. Why is it in the other parts of our lives, I am think mostly here of our emotional and social lives, we just don’t or at least I don’t learn as quickly, we repeat the same mistakes over and over again. We so often do seem to take a little detour off of the path that deep within we know is the best and get burned over and over. Practice is the answer, keep at it. Life is a learning journey, with lessons to be learned with every step of the journey

  8. Jo Hart says:

    PARTY!!!!! DID SOMEONE SAY PARTY????? I’m there with you Bill. I am so over the feeling sorry for ourselves. I’ve given my husband a good kick up the bum, and told him that its time to move on and up. We do have so much to be greatful for and we never take the time to do it. I was mentioning this to my husband, as he is really sick with the flu at the moment, dizzy spells etc, yet he will not stop work. For everything we have been talking about on the blog lately, I have been trying to force him into taking a day off. The house will still be there tomorrow (he is a builder), but oh no, old grumpy still goes off to work. So I agree, lets celebrate what we have, as anything can happen at any time. I have a little story, about the Bali Bombings. A backpacker was in Bali when the bombings went off, he survived them by a sheer miracle. He then come to Australia 1 week later and got killed by a crocodile. You cant tell me that when your times up, your time is up. Like you said, it’s all in the good lords hands…….

    Jo, you are on for the party, lets do our best to make everyday a party day. Carry within ourselves the happy festive feelings that go with any party. Lets celebrate life and appreciate what we do have, instead of mourning anything we do not have. Your crocodile story is very interesting. You are so right, only the Good Lord, knows when our time is up and he will be calling us home. Thanks for sharing it.

  9. ceeque says:

    Hi Bill, glad to hear Grant is doing ok with the angioplasty done ! I got myself one of those treatments too but was treated to a double stent! Still, the morphine was great!
    Am more than happy to join you in your Celebration though am sad to hear about the diabetes complication … and yet Insulin makes a world of difference and may well make you feel a lot better than the tablets … its all “different strokes for different folks” kinda thing…
    So ~ get yourself quite a few more years tucked under your belt, you still got lots to write about! Love to you both!

    Hey Charles, we do seem to have a lot in common the diabetes, now i learn of the stent thing, I have been there and done that a couple of times. It is great that Grant is doing so well, there was even talk yesterday about transferring him back to the hospital in The Pas. The town where he lives. That would indicate he has recovered to the point he no longer needs the care of specialist. I am so glad

  10. poseidonsmuse says:

    I believe that we are all capable of being “Earth Angels” Bill. We are all just spirits encased in a body – walking this Earth for a short time. Some of us (ahem “you” Dear Bill) are much closer to realising this than others. This makes you such a valuable teacher and guide (because you are gifting us with your wisdom each and every day as you search for your life’s meaning). A big hug to you today, in the hopes that your continued strength can sustain that hope and dream of Life. You are loved Bill, and you are Love [that is such a powerful mantra…].

    Dear poseidon, I thank you for your so kind words. It is only recently that I have come to realize, accept then believe we are spiritual beings, here, now have a human physical experience. I still admit to being amazed when people comment on my “wisdom” but I thank you

  11. LorriM says:

    We should try to take each day as if it were our last day on Earth, and spend it filling our hearts and the hearts of our loved ones with showers of love.

    We should try to remember to say “I love you”, each day we are physically here, because we never know…

    Many of us have been told we are dying, many of us have serious illnesses, some of us have more than one at the same time. We must all try to utilize our time, each day, to the fullest, in the best way we can, both emotionally and physically.

    Lupus, heart disease and gastrointestinal medical conditions are what I live with. I have been told my life has been shortened, but I don’t live with that in the back of my mind. I don’t prefer dark pity parties, I prefer smiles and light through all of it.

    Hi Lorri, I am so sorry to hear of your conditions. I congratulate and salute you for you wonderfully positive attitude, you are an inspiration. Many can learn from your example, please share more

  12. Thank you for the reminder — especially the part about not wasting any time on foolish negativity. I needed to hear that.

    You are in my thoughts a lot.

    If anything I write helps you in any way I am so glad, thank your for the visit and comment

  13. […] Posted by Jill “Don’t take life for granted, celebrate it, enjoy it. Don’t waste any time on foolish negativity. Every second or minute wasted is time gone forever, we can never get it back. Every minute wasted is precious time gone forever. Each of us only have a limited number of those precious minutes left on this earth. I pray all would recognize that fact and then choose not to waste a single one of our precious minutes.” — Bill Howdle, Dying Man’s Daily Journal […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: