Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Generations

June 21, 2007

Yesterday was one of my really wonkie head days. So I didn’t make it on to the computer, it is just so hard to concentrate or even just think straight, so I just relaxed.

Yesterday I would have written about the major thunder storm we had the night before. Must have been a lightening strike somewhere as our electricity was out for 5 or 6 hours. We both love watching those storms. Our front step is protected by a large overhanging eave and we will often just go out and enjoy the light show being put on by God. The sheer power contained in some of those storms can make me realize how small and powerless I actually am in the overall big picture.

I have written about how when we returned from visiting my daughter, we found our lawn had been freshly mowed. We found out it was Art our next door neighbor. Thank you Art. We really couldn’t have asked for any better neighbors than we have. Art is the same guy that comes over in the winter and uses his snow blower to clear our sidewalks for us. Such a blessing and a great help to us. Art is one of our heroes and I am going to try and get a picture to post here, let the world see what a hero looks like.

Yesterday a few of the words of a song kept rattling around in my head. It is a country song, I can’t remember the name of the song or the singer. But the lyrics speak of longing for yesterday, when a ho was a hoe, when coke was something you drink. I wonder if it is a generational thing. I look back and think life was so much simpler then. But then I wonder was it, I wonder if I could get the thoughts of my father when he was my age. Would he be looking back thinking, things used to be so much simpler and easier. I think likely he would have been. I am sure there was just as much pressure and stress back then, maybe just from a different source. There was also just as much joy, happiness and love. The world changes, we adapt and carry on, everything changes but then in some ways nothing changes.

I read somewhere, in life pain, suffering and grief are inevitable, misery is optional. The same applies today as it has at all times in the past. Misery is optional, our circumstances don’t make us happy or unhappy. It is how we deal with those circumstances that determine how we feel internally. That is so easy to say but so hard at times to do.

I am getting better at this. There was a time when if someone even a stranger on the street made some sort of rude or what I felt was an inappropriate comment, I would get all in a flap. I allowed it at times to change my mood and at times even spoil my entire day. I look back now and realize how silly that all was. Why would I allow even a stranger who happened to be in a bad mood to pass his bad mood on to me. When I think of it that way, it really doesn’t make any sense at all, but I used to allow my mood to be determined by my surroundings or happenings.

I am so grateful to be mostly past that silliness. I remember taking training courses with the bank years ago. They talked of having monkeys on your shoulders. A monkey representing a problem and of how people so often want to rid themselves of problems (monkeys) by letting them jump from their shoulders to mine. The monkey jumped and, suddenly their problem suddenly became mine. This is something I have struggled with all of my life, taking on the problems of others allowing them to become mine. Thankfully, I have reached the point where I can often think to myself. “OK, whose problem is this anyway? If it is not mine I will not take it on as mine, I will help in anyway I can but at the same time recognize who this monkey belongs to.

Advertisements

Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Me Judgemental???

June 19, 2007

Vi and I are home and have quickly settled into our regular routines. She is out in her flower gardens and here I at the computer. We have received further confirmation that earth Angels are among us. When we left for Shauna’s our lawn needed mowing. We had received so much rain it was just to wet to cut. We were gone for 4 days and we (Vi) was dreading how long it would be by that time. We return and find the lawn freshly mowed. An anonymous act of kindness for which we are so grateful. Thank you to our mystery helper.

Vi loves her gardening and has such a green thumb. I have to share a few pictures. It is quite early in our Canadian growing season, but she has the backyard beautiful already.

im001338.jpg

My little honey in front of the mock orange, not in full bloom yet

im001331.jpg

I am feeling good right at the moment. If a little shortness of breath is my biggest complaint I have it pretty good.

A special hi to my son-in-law Jake who I see left a comment here this morning. Shauna got herself a very good man.

I am sitting here feeling a little ashamed of myself. Yesterday, I wrote of a comment I received that wasn’t all that flattering. I like to say as I sit here that I did not take it personally nor was I offended by it. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion about everything including me and this blog. My mind keeps going back to that comment, not the actual comment or the message contained in it, but my reaction to it.

I didn’t like or agree with what someone else had to say, so I deleted it. I regretted that choice, about 1 second after hitting the delete button. I wonder now how many times in life someone has stated an opinion different than my own and I on hearing it just hit a mental delete button, invalidating and erasing their opinion. How judgemental of me, to just know my opinion is the right one and that anyone that disagrees is obviously wrong. I will just mentally delete any comments thoughts or ideas that are not in direct line with my own.

I have to wonder, back over my life time how many, thoughts, ideas, things or even people may I have just brushed aside as they didn’t conform with my norm. People I really hope not.

No ones opinion is less important or less valuable than that of anyone else. No one race, color, culture of religion is less than or greater than the next.

I thank who ever sent me that comment, it has really made me more aware of who I am. You have helped me, I just hope I can return the favor some time.


Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Father’s Day

June 19, 2007

Vi and I are back home after spending a wonderful week end with my daughter Shauna and her hubby Jake. Every weekend we spend there is just as wonderful. They have a small acreage just outside of Altona. It is always so peaceful and serene. As always we were treated like royalty.

I hope all fathers had a great day yesterday. But I hope all fathers instead of just looking at as a day in which to be honored by family, also took it as a day to look at themselves. Take a deep look inside of ourselves, think of the job we are doing as fathers. Bask in the glory of the day but also celebrate our successes and learn from our mistakes in the past. Vow to be the best father I can in the upcoming year and MEAN IT.

Saturday night, Jake showed his mastery of the BBQ. Both chicken and ribs done to perfection.

Jake’s parents Abe and Mary joined us together with his 2 sisters Judy and Susan together with Susan’s 3 wonderful children Bradley, Vanessa and Kristen. Such a nice family time. Notice how us guys get the credit for a wonderful job on the BBQ and the resulting taste. When in fact all we do is stand in front of the BBQ watching it cook and turn it over once in a while. Shauna did the real background work preparing the meat and baked potatoes. Us, guys we do the easy part just standing in front of the BBQ and claim all the credit. Shauna it was excellent.

I did indeed get to drive the riding lawn mower, having so much fun I even just lapped the yard a few times before I lowered the cutting blade.

fathers-day-weekend-003.jpg

They have a 4 wheel all terrain vehicle, sort of a motor cycle but with 4 wheels. Shauna took Vi on a couple of rides and I think Vi has become a really motor cycle babe.

fathers-day-weekend-013.jpg

Jake showed us how a GUY ride the 4 wheeler.

im001306.jpg

Shauna and Jake took Vi fishing, which is something I love to do. I just had to pass being just to tired. Fish weren’t being cooperative but they had a good time, I had a good nap.

It was really sad for me saying our good byes this morning but off to work they went and homeward bound were we. Arrived home in time for my nap and here I am now.

I have been absent from the blog for a few days and will have to do a lot of visiting other sites to get caught up on all my friends.

This morning though I quickly checked for comments and was surprised by one. Actually there were 2 comments one obviously spam, which I deleted and the second I quickly read and thought it was just nonsense and I deleted it also. Now I am sorry I deleted the second comment. Now being memory guy I am not exactly sure of the wording but it was something to the effect “your blog is nothing but a waste of time on the internet, why don’t you just die”.

Now I am wondering, did I just automatically delete it as I didn’t like what this person had to say. I have been thinking about this, now I am not bothered by the comment. I would just reply. If you don’t like my blog, DON’T read it. I have been thinking about it because it just really confirms a life lesson to me. This was actually something I learned quite a while back, no matter what, no matter how hard you try you are never going to please everyone. The sooner we accept that the better off we are and the happier and more content in life we will be.


Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Vi and flowers

June 14, 2007

I want to thank all for the support and prayers sent to Vi. She is such a sweet and loving, yet strong lady. She has the shoulder so many turn to to either cry on or lean on as the situation may be. Her big, loving and caring heart, may be her only weakness. Now I may be a little biased when I say this as I am a fan of hers. How can a big generous loving heart be a weakness well obviously it is not. It is one of the many many things that I love about her. It is just she loves and gives so much to others. Often at her own emotional or physical expense. In one of the comments someone referred to her as an earth Angel, well I couldn’t agree more. We will be gone for a few days, so it won’t be until next week sometime, but I think Vi is going to come on the blog and post responses to those that have sent her such kind comments.

For the past couple of days we have enjoyed the company of Vi’s sister Kim. Kim is in from Thompson and we are enjoying her company. Kim is holding down the fort here while we are going to be gone for a few days.

Yup, will be gone for a few days visiting my daughter Shauna. I am not sure how wide spread the idea of Father’s Day is but here in Canada, this next Sunday is Father’s day. Picture my hitching up my pants puffing out my chest, “yup, its my day”. I imagine I will be sitting at Shauna’s in a throne like chair with all of the family gathered at my feet, looking up at me with adoring eyes. Yup, I can see it now. OK, now back to reality.

I will be mowing their lawn whether it needs it or not. They have a riding lawn mower and it is the only chance I get to drive anything.

I will be gone for a few days but no need for worry I will be basking in my glory, sitting on my throne. lol. Really looking forward to this weekend, we always have such a nice relaxing weekend with Shauna and Jake.

I was teasing Vi last night about how I am jealous, every time I write anything about her the number of comments double or even triple for that day. But really, I can’t think of a single other person that is more deserving of kind comments and praise.

Over the past couple of days I have received a couple of excellent suggestions from dear blogging friends. The first from my dear friend Simonne. Simonne suggested I ask all to send in their stories of the passing of a loved one. As I know I am approaching it I am intrigued by stories of the actual physical event. This may sound morbid or be painful to relate, but it is something we will all face one day. Sharing may give us a better understanding. Please send me your stories.

My friend ceeqee also suggested just as a little fun thing, asking people to guess at the number of spam posts my site has been hit with and blocked. I am writing down that number right now, if anyone wants to guess. Hint it is more than one but less that a million, lol.

I have written often about Vi’s flowers and her love for gardening. As we live in Canada, the flower growing season is really just beginning but there are several beautiful flowers already in bloom. Here is a picture of a couple. Sadly the photographer is not up to doing justice to the pictures. I won’t mention his name so as not to embarrass myself.

When she gets everything up and growing the yard is beautiful. People walking by often stop just to look and even take pictures. If I am outside, which isn’t often, but I could try and take some credit, with those just walking by. But I think it would be a give away about how little I know about flowers. Example, OK, I know the rose, but the other one is just a purplish white flower, that is good enough for me. I am sure it has a name and that Vi could tell you but she isn’t here. So we will settle for a purplish, white flower. You will notice from the leaves of many plants, Winnipeg is currently dealing with a infestation of canker worms, ruining so many plants and trees in their path.

im001295.jpg

im001292.jpg

im001293.jpg


Dying Man’s Daily Journal – support the families

June 13, 2007

I have a special request to make today. I ask, please, for prayers for Vi, my daughters, my entire family and the families of all that are in the position of facing loosing someone.

I have said it many many times and I say it again. It is so much more difficult for the families. Forced to sit helplessly and wait for the inevitable. That wait, I am sure at time can seems endless and then all to quickly it is gone and the loss is there. I wonder to myself, does a lingering death cause more pain more suffering, as the loved ones are forced to helplessly sit by watching and waiting. Ultimately would a quick death be easier on the family, being able to attain closer sooner. I suppose it all depends on the quality of the time spent in the interim.

I can only imagine, but at times the waiting must be a nightmare. Again I can only imagine some have even prayed, the result is inevitable please lets just get the waiting over with. To some that may seem cold or uncaring but I could understand it. The loved ones forced to sit and wait and watch the slow deterioration. Often with little or no support for themselves, as at that time, usually it is all directed to the one dying, he/she needs all our love and support now. That is so untrue, so wrong or at least it is in my case. I know every situation differs and I can only speak for myself, but if I feel this way I am sure others do also.

I can’t say I am totally comfortable with what is awaiting me, but I can say I am not totally uncomfortable with it. Every thing I believe tells me I am going to a better place. So really I have the easy part in all of this. I will be in a wonderful place while my family and loved ones are left behind to deal with life. I know I will be missed and that is enough for me. I hope and pray they do not suffer and grieve, at least not to much anyway. I say not to much as I know it is inevitable there will be some. My prayer is they will all quickly find peace and move on to happy lives. I pray,  “grieve not what you have lost but remember and celebrate what you had”.

I think of my sweet Vi. Today, she is feeling overloaded almost over whelmed.  Lets see what does Vi have on her plate to deal with. Well obviously there is me and my health, I alone can be a handful at the best of times. Vi’s father is in the advanced stages of Alzheimer’s, at the age of 86 is not in good health, a worry to the entire family. Vi’s mother also in her 80’s is also in poor health and has even state openly she just doesn’t want to live anymore. Her brother John just suffered a massive stroke and is paralyzed on his entire left side. John has always led a very active life and now at about the age of 50 suddenly finds himself helpless. He is angry and depressed over this whole situation. Her sister is suffering form extreme undiagnosed pain in her stomach. One of her son’s is in the midst of a painful divorce a second has just undergone surgery. She is fighting her own seemingly never ended battle with psoriasis. Is it any wonder she is feeling over whelmed.

I ask everyone please for prayers for my dear Vi.

Vi has no idea at this point what I am writing about today and possibly will be giving me a kick for all I have written about her troubles. I did this yes to ask for support and prayers for Vi, but also to point out that I am sure she is not alone. I am sure many others, faced with the loss of a loved one are also carrying huge burdens unseen on the side. Death is an individual event but is a family affair. Please show your support, your love to the families. Possibly they need that support even more than the patient, before, during and after the passing of the loved one.


Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Time of Death

June 12, 2007

I was up really early this morning 4:45am. I could have sworn I heard someone pounding on the front door. I answered the door trusty bat in hand and no one was there. Thought obviously I must have dreamed it or something and was on my way back to bed, when a thought popped into my head. This was something a minister at a church I used to attend said often. She even used an example just exactly like what I had just experienced. Our Angels are always watching over us and will give us signs or warnings. “Such as a banging on your door in the middle of the night. Wanting you to get up, even by just turning on a light who is to know what you have accomplished. Possibly with the light coming on a burglar was scared away from you home of your neighbors. Likely you will never know”. Why that memory just popped into my head at that time I don’t know. But not to chance it I turned on a few lights, and stayed up for a while. Did I accomplish anything, I don’t know.

I think back about Lucille (this minister) she was such a wonderful lady. She was such a positive lady and her sermons reflected that. To her everything was a blessing and she said quick prayers of thanks, I am sure hundreds of times each day.

You are on your way to work or where ever, a route you have taken hundreds of times. Suddenly you are day dreaming and miss your turn. You can get annoyed at the extra time it will now take to get back on track OR you can say a prayer of thanks. Who is to know, if you had continued without this detour, your timing would have been all different. Possibly you would have driven into an intersection just as a drunk driver came speeding though. Possibly this little detour saved your life or that of your child in the car with you. Who is to know. It could have been a blessing that saved you life, say a prayer of thanks.

So many annoyances could really be blessing, we just don’t know and never will. Lets not miss a chance to say a prayer of thanks, as we just don’t know.

Yesterday, I wrote of something at touched me so deeply. Patricia kindly related to me of her experience at the passing of her mother. She granted me permission to share her story and from the comments I see many others were also inspired by her story. Thank you again Patricia. In one of the comments my good blogging friend Simonne Suggested I ask for others to share with me their stories. I think this is really a wonderful idea. Please everyone, I really would like to hear more of these wonderful stories so inspiring for me and many others. If you don’t have one of your own please ask your friends, many many have such stories and I would love to hear them.

The actual time of death has to be the scariest time any of us can image. Can we help each other with that fear by sharing our experiences, I hope so.


Help with translation please

June 10, 2007

Wow, this is an unusual day. My second post in the same day.

A while ago I received a comment that has stuck in my mind. Why has this one stuck out, it is one of the only two I have received in a foreign language. I have asked several and no one can tell me what it says.

I occurred to me I have all my blogging friends possibly someone out there can help me with this. I don’t know maybe I don’t want to know, maybe someone telling what a idiot I am or it may be spam. I just don’t know.

Can anyone interpret this message for me and possibly tell me which language it is. Thanks

Ааану-ка ребятки голосеум!!!

Признавайтесь проказники и владпльцы спйта hudds53.wordpress.com ))))

ЧТО вы будете желать этимм летом?!

The stats show me I am getting many more hits on this post than on my post of earlier today. That was my real message, one I thought was very touching. I urge all to read the story shared to me by Patricia.