Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Am I prepared


Vi and I still are not the healthiest couple in town. Yesterday, she seemed to have a bit of a relapse with that flu bug she has been fighting with. I still can’t seem to shake the chest cold that has gotten a hold of me. My cold I know is nothing serious just getting annoying, we have all had the same thing, chest feels constricted, hurts to breath and soar throat. It must be getting close to a week that I have had this thing. “poor me” haha.

Today I am going to try and respond to each individual comment I received on my last post, Road to Death. Each is so beautiful in its own way and deserves an individual response.

Yesterday, I wrote of how our final physical journey on this earth could be very lonely and very scary. Dying is the one thing in our lives we must do truly alone. With this I am referring to the ultimate passing between the physical and spiritual worlds. It is during this time we are separated from the physical support of our loved ones here on earth, something possibly we have always had and have come to rely on. Spiritually, I know we are never alone. Jesus, Angels and predeceased loved ones are there just waiting for us. Knowing that is such a huge comfort to me. I know that and I am blessed with a wonderful support network or family and friends and yet there are still days when I struggle with it all.

I can’t even begin to imagine how lonely and scary this journey may be for any facing it without a deep faith and support network. I pray for all. I pray for all that are denying a dying family member or friend their time out of fear. My good blogging friend Miriam aka radiant woman, has so beautifully expressed her thoughts and feelings with the recent passing of her grandfather. Please visit Miriam’s blog and read her thoughts. Her blog radiant woman is listed on the right hand side of this page. Just click on radiant woman and you are there. It is well worth the read. (obviously I still haven’t figured out how to insert a link directly into my post).

I am having more and more little memories popping into my head these days. Very natural I suppose as I spend more time reflecting back on my life. One such memory came yesterday. I am not sure if this particular memory popping up now has any meaning or not.

I saw a movie years ago, I can’t remember the title or even the general story. I just remember one scene. I am not sure if they were guerrillas or bandits or exactly what. But these bad guys had over run and captured a mission and the missionary running it. My memories are fuzzy but as I remember it, they were taunting and beating the missionary. Taunting him about where was his God now, things like that. The scene I remember the most is one in which the missionary is on his knees on the ground badly beaten. One of the bad guys is holding a gun to his head and asks him words to the effect: “are you afraid to die now, do you still think your God will protect you?” The missionary’s response was something like: “you may pull the trigger and kill my physical body, it is to be as the Good Lord decides it to be. I am not afraid as I know what awaits me when I am with God”.

Those are maybe not the exact words, I can’t remember but it gives the message. This was years ago but I can remember sort of laughing at the missionaries response. I had the attitude, yeah right, you have someone pointing a gun at your head and you say you are not afraid and thinking this was ridiculous, to far fetched to be real. I knew if that was me kneeling on the ground, I would be so scared I would be pooping my pants.

Could this memory surfacing be a gentle reminder from God that I still have much work to do, in preparing myself for what awaits me. My faith is much stronger, I can sit here right now and honestly say I have no fear of what awaits me. Then, why is it when I think of that scene with the missionary. I still know if I had a gun pointing at my head, I would still be pooping my pants. Is it the suddenness of that situation that would make it different, no time to prepare? I just don’t know!

15 Responses to Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Am I prepared

  1. Catherine says:

    Unconditional love
    by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

    “Look forward to your transition.
    It’s the first time you will
    experience unconditional love.
    There will be all peace and love,
    and all the nightmares and the
    turmoil you went through all your
    life will be like nothing.

    When you make your transition you are
    asked two things basically:
    How much love you have been able to
    give and receive,
    and how much
    service you have rendered.
    And you will know every consequence
    of every deed, every thought, and
    every word you have ever uttered.

    And that is, symbolically
    speaking, going through hell
    when you see how many chances
    you have missed.

    But you also see
    how a nice act of kindness has
    touched hundreds of lives that
    you’re totally unaware of.

    so, concentrate on love while you’re
    still around, and teach your
    children early unconditional love.

    So remember, concentrate on
    love, and look forward to the
    transition. It’s the most beautiful
    experience you can ever imagine.
    Vayas con Dios!”

  2. Gao Jin Ye says:

    i remember when i was a child, i was told that we die in order to be born. i don’t know what death really means to me but i believe that it is grace from my God.

  3. LorriM says:

    I remember being told that we are dying the moment we are born, that our journey towards death begins at that precise moment.

    I hope you are feeling better, soon, and shake the flu that you have.

  4. Jo Hart says:

    I believe each and every one of us is here for a reason. As to how, when and where we die, each is different. A bloke I worked with years and years ago lost a young daughter 4 years old suddenly. When I worked with him it was about 30 years later. He was telling me about his daughter and he said to me that even though he had her for 4 years it wasn’t long enough. But he felt that she was there to teach him and others a lesson. To love unconditionally. He said he had never done that before. He didn’t have the best growing up life and he didn’t have the best marriage. But he said taking what he gained from his short time with his precious daughter, it changed his life. Even though the sadness of loosing the little love of his life was always there, he said that he knows now how to love and be loved. It was a beautiful little story and I cried when he told me. I always looked at loosing a child with absolute fear. You never want to loose your child before you. But he took so much out of it. I was amazed. He is a person I worked with for a year, never seen again, but who has touched my life. I will never forget his story.

  5. Bill,
    I hope you start feeling better soon! I got sick Feb 2nd with a chest cold that turned out to be whooping cough and then went to pneumonia. I still have the cough. I wrote about it when I felt awful. Just writing can sometimes make a world of difference.
    Look after one another and soon you’ll be enjoying your garden together. I think we leave our mark on this world with our relationships. I can see yours clearly.

  6. mel says:

    Geeze–don’tcha just get tired of dealing in the crud? Truthfully, that became my biggest gripe and my clearest indicator that I was still connected to life. Compromised immune systems=crud sticks around longer
    Sucks. LOL There ends my whine for the day!

    You know me and ‘all things happen for a reason’. Food for thought, introspect and another growth opportunity, I say!
    Good question to ask yourself.
    One I’ll now ponder myself……cuz afterall, all things happen for a reason.

    *sending postive, healing thoughts to you both*

  7. hudds53 says:

    Mel
    Thanks for the positive healing thoughts. As you ponder the question and when you come to an answer, I would be interested in hearing it.
    Bill

  8. hudds53 says:

    Hi Martha
    This chest cold is just hanging on and hanging on. I don’t think it will actually turn into anything more serious. It is just the kind that gives us men something to whine about. I am sure you have realized by now US men are just a bunch of big babies. lol
    Bill

  9. hudds53 says:

    Jo
    That is such a touching and inspirational story. You words leave nothing more to be said. Thank you for sharing it
    Bill

  10. hudds53 says:

    Hi Lorri M
    Lorri that is an interesting idea. I hadn’t thought of it that way before. But really from the moment we are born we each begin our journey to death, each just on a different time schedule.
    I have to think on that, good point
    Thanks
    Bill

  11. hudds53 says:

    Hi Gao Jin Ye
    Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment. “We have to die in order to be born”. An excellent comment I need to think on. We need to die, leave this physical world to be born into the spiritual world? I do need to think on this one. Thank you for sharing
    Bill

  12. hudds53 says:

    Catherine, such a beautiful poem. I really needed to read something like that today. Thank you for this and all your support
    Bill

  13. sherry howdle says:

    Hi Bill,

    Missed reading the blog for a few days and now you are 51288. Wow! You’re a popular guy. Lots of people checking in to see how you are doing. I read that you forgot how to add the link that I showed you. I’d say I was hurt, but as I recall I told you I was no computer wizard when we started and we stumbled through it together. It only took us about an hour and a half to do it. I do remember that we printed out a copy of how to do it from one of your blogging readers and it was very easy to follow. So, take a look around on the desk and you may find it. It was really easy step-by-step instructions once we actually followed them.

    I just want you to know it’s okay that you forget things sometimes, but I just wanted to remind you about something VERY important that happened during our wonderful, fabulous visit with you — Gloria and I skunked you and mom (Aunt Isabel) in crib!!! Yup, that’s right!! You can say you don’t remember that but we had enough foresight to present you both with a “skunk mug” as a small token to remember the occasion by. We also have the pictures to prove it.

    Glad to hear you had such a good talk with Fran. I went to visit Russ (her husband) in the hospice. I think being sick or sickness has a very private element to it. When you’re sick – or at least when I am sick. I want to just stay in my house and not be bothered by anyone. So, I think that is how other people are – and people is a hospice are very sick. I think they just want to be left alone. I was very scared to go at first, I didn’t think Russ would want to see me and was ready to leap out the door at any second if I thought he was not up for the visit. But, most days he did want to visit and I have some great memories of stories he shared, some good laughs, as well as some of his hopes and fears. He knew he was dying, but he was worried about Fran and how she would take it or how she would carry on after his death. It was heartbreaking and heartwrenching to be there at times, but I’m just so glad I didn’t give in to my fear and rush out the door.

    Get better soon to both you and Vi. Hope everything is coming up roses in the garden (even if they did plant Sweet Williams).

    Lots of Love,

    Sherry

  14. ggirl says:

    I’m not a member of a 12 step program, but I have had serious illness and the suicide of a loved one. Through those journeys, I learned to let go and let God. God will get us through everything, especiallly death. I hope that when it’s my time to leave this physical body, I hang onto the wisdom I’ve learned through baptism by fire–I’m not in control here and I don’t have to be. God is taking care of me.

  15. Moe says:

    It truly is an amazing picture of someone trusting their life so fully in God’s loving hands that even when they’re faced with a gun to the face they’re able to boldly and peacefully reply. I find faith like that amazing.

    ~Kelsey

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