Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Back to feeling lucky


Haven’t been feeling really spry the past few days, nothing serious. Would even be over stating it to say I was feeling sick, just off, a lot of the thick head and very tired. OK, enough whining, got some really exciting news the other day. Two maybe even three more of my cousins are coming for a visit. Shirley, Gloria and I hope Sherry are planning a visit. We are both looking forward to it.

Have a little external chaos going on in my life right now, but that should all be put to rest by the end of the month.

I really want to thank everyone that shared their thoughts on Angels. Each of these comments I hope to respond to individually over the next day or so.

Ok, from here on is new, what I wrote above is actually what I started 2 or 3 days ago. I have been trying to do something different, actually write about my thoughts and beliefs in Angels. By actually, write I mean actually trying to plan what I want to say, going back and restructuring paragraphs, edit thoughts, all that sort of stuff. That whole thing just doesn’t seem to work for me. When finished, I reread and realize what I have said is nothing like what I meant.

Any other time I just sit down and type I suppose straight from my heart, just what ever comes. That is what I am going to do in the next day or so with my thoughts on Angels. Actually, trying to write with a purpose just isn’t in me these days I suppose. It requires organization of thoughts. Huh, maybe that is why I have been delaying filling out some needed paperwork.

I have been so very gratified to be receiving comments on how people are benefiting from my writing. It is almost like a sense of mission accomplished as that is what I had hoped to do when I started this whole thing. If I could help, in anyway even one person, before I leave this world, I have accomplished something. Now it always goes without saying that my 2 beautiful daughters are my greatest pride and sense of accomplishment.

This last while I have realized something important about myself. I have a tendency when I am physically not feeling all that good to allow it to affect my mood or frame of mind. Now I am not trying to say, when I am not feeling good I should still be all chipper and happy. But, I don’t have to allow it to drag my overall mood down, I allow that to happen. I do not have to allow my mind set to shift from the moment to dwell on my tomorrows.

OK, enough of this. I know by concentrating or focusing on the positive, I can put all else into its proper perspective. When put into its proper perspective it seems pretty small in the overall scheme of things. “Celebrate what you have, instead of mourning what you do not have, or will loose”.

Just typing those few words make me more clearly see. I am a lucky man. There are so many that have it so much worse than I. I have visited other blogs and from the writings there so often I can feel the pain, hurt and sorrow.

I have said a short prayer ask our Heavenly Father to ease the pain and suffering of so many. In a separate short prayer I just thanked Our Father for the blessings he has granted me.

9 Responses to Dying Man’s Daily Journal – Back to feeling lucky

  1. Moe says:

    It’s amazing how much things like a cold or a cloudy day can alter our moods so drastically.

    I live just outside of Seattle, WA, so it rains a lot. The other day, it was beautiful. The sky was blue and it was actually kind of warm. Everyone seemed to be smiling and happy just because the sun had come out for the day. I enjoyed the sunshine and smiled as much as the next person, but in a way, it seemed too bad everyone wasn’t always so friendly and positive.

    It struck me, as I was walking and enjoying the lovely wether, that I could choose to be just as thankful and friendly every single day of the year (rain, snow and all) as I am naturally when the sun is out.

    If writing free form works best for you, Bill, then write that way. I enjoy reading your blog wether you’ve sat down and planned out your post, or not. You do what works best for you. 🙂

    Take care,
    ~Kelsey

  2. justordinary says:

    I find it difficult a lot of times to NOT MOURN so much about so many things- and at the end of the day I am left saying to myself- you have so much, your problems are small in comparison of the world’s problems- I really try to be thankful for what I have and what I’ve survived. I guess the melancholy is easier for me to accept given the life I’ve lived…

    Hmm…you got me thinking again Bill with your post here…I might have to elaborate more on this in an entry at a later time.

  3. […] accept given the life I’ve lived March 9th, 2007 — justordinary Again I was reading DyingMansJournal and it inspired me to start thinking about a few things. He had put something in his post that […]

  4. Mel says:

    When I cut out all the inconsequential ‘stuff’–life is right sized.

    It’s when I start giving power to that ‘other stuff’ and disempower what’s good and true in my life that I start to flounder.
    That’s why I surround myself with people who’ll remind me.

    I like to say it’s because my mind is so FULL that stuff falls out. LOL
    Truth is, I FORGET.
    Bless the folks who care enough to remind me, aware or unaware.

    Bless YOU, Bill.

  5. Jo Hart says:

    Hi Bill, I just wanted to say, I agree with Kelsey. Do what works best for you. I enjoy reading what you write, like she said, planned or unplanned. I have started to read your journal from the beginning. I try and read a bit each night. How far have you come from your very first posting. You need to realize what an inspiration you are to so many people.

    I so wish I could get my cousin on here to talk with you. You are such a beautiful soul like him, but unfortunately he is still living in denial about what is happening. It breaks my heart as his family is falling apart, and I feel selfish in wanting to say to him “For goodness sake, your family is crumbling, you need to let them in”. I know I can’t say that as like you said everyone deals with the prospect of knowing they are dying completely different, but I think of what his family is going to feel once he leaves. He only has weeks left and he has distanced himself so far from them, that it breaks my heart. These poor littlies are just falling apart. The eldest 7, has even pulled himself out of religious education at school, stating that God is crap. I so desperately wish I could help them, but it is so hard with Terry not wanting to acknowledge that life is any different. He is just so angry at the world and it is tearing his family apart. What precious time he has left is just going to waste on so much anger.

    I know I don’t have the right to say that, but as an outsider I see a wife crying out for some affection, or even acknowledgement that he loves her, children so angry themselves, and just need a hug.

    What you have written today has made me ponder in my own mind about my life. I have my days where I just want to scream and say to my children, just get out of my face………. Thankyou for giving me a good kick in the butt and making me see things clearly myself. I am a very lucky woman with a loving family, I am healthy and young enough to still go out there and kick a ball with my kids.

    Thanks Bill, you really under estimate your worth to us, your blogging family.

    I’m going to go and spend some time with my kids before it gets dark. The bloody washing can wait!!!!!

    Cant wait to read what you have about angels.

    Take care my friend.

    Jo

  6. Irene says:

    Dear Bill,
    Saturday morning…aren’t they delicious??!! I was just reading over the last few posting here and was again reminded of what I said the very first time I blogged with you. God really has bestowed wisdom to you and it’s helping TONS of us. Although it’s terrible that you’ll have to leave us sooner than you wanted, know that your quest has been accomplished. Now how cool is that? Have you ever wondered Bill, if this whole cancer/heart thing is the way it’s supposed to be in the first place? Otherwise, you would never have started the journal and none of us would have shared any of our wisdoms?

    Enjoy the sunshine, Wiseman!
    Irene

  7. LorriM says:

    I like what Mel said about “cutting out the inconsequential stuff, life is right-sized”, and totally agree with that statement.

    Keep that sunshine smile. 🙂

    Lorri

  8. Gloria Allen says:

    Good Morning,
    2 weeks today and we will be having coffee together to start the day.
    Just wondering how come Mum and Carol are “special ladies”, and we are simply “cousins from Alberta”? How boring is that?

    Expanding on yesterdays thought, I don’t feel “stuck” with you at all. We are “lucky” to have you as our cousin! I admire how positive you are, and am of proud of the way you have inspired so many people by developing this blog and sharing your thoughts. You have taken what could be negative and turned it into something postive and upbeat, and in the mean time left a legacy! That’s something fabulous Bill.

    Looking forward to seeing you all soon, I will try send a CHINOOK through to you. Please ensure alll the snow and cold are gone when we gat there, I’m done with winter!
    Gloria.

  9. Catherine says:

    I’m glad you are feeling better Bill.

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