Dying Mans Journal No Pity for the Dying

Woke up early, feeling good. Does it make sense that you can feel someones presence in a room or lack of their presence? This morning Vi got up about 10 minutes before me. As always she was careful not to disturb me. When I awoke it was more to the feeling Vi isn’t here. I know I sleep better, more comfortably when she is beside me, but can the mere fact she is not in the room actually wake me up?

I am excited looking forward to the weekend, brother Robin is coming in with his family. Don’t see enough of them, looking forward to it. You have to know Vi to understand, she is in a bit of a flap. Thinking of the meals, having the “right” snacks, polishing the floors etc. Maybe I am to casual about that sort of thing in that I don’t give it that much thought. I think as Vi and Lynda both are all worried about making sure the weekend is “just right”, they have the worrying part already covered so I don’t need to bother. No sense all of us doing it, besides, I am sure they are coming for the company not the snacks.

The more I think of it and read about dying, the more I realize and the clearer it becomes in my head. One of the main feeling we or at least I usually have for the dying is one of sympathy or pity. Oh, poor Bill, he is dying, how tragic.

Now let me make my thoughts on this very clear. Sympathy and pity have NO PLACE in my world. Sadness, OK. Sadness, only because we will be parted temporarily and will naturally miss each other.

With my memory these days I am never sure if I read this somewhere or if this is my own thought. I just know this helped me tremendously when my mother passed. I loved my mother dearly and still do and always will. I hope I can find the right words to really express what I am trying to say.

Use your imagination and try to picture this scenario. By some chance your loved one get a chance to go on a fantastic voyage, say a year long cruise around the world. You know your loved one would have a fantastic time, the time of their lives. Lets further suppose, the trip has already been booked and nothing short of a miracle will stop them form going. How would you react?

Would you be there, being lovingly supportive in their preparations for the voyage. Hoping and praying only for their happiness and well being. It is a given that you will miss them. You are comforted knowing you will see them again and out of love, make the choise to put their well being ahead of our own. I mean it would be so unfair to hope or think they should miss out on such an opportunity just because we will miss them. We joyously help in their preparations spending quality, happy time before they leave. Tearful good byes are said hugs are exchanged and off they go.

Or, Even though you know the trip is booked and that they will have a wonderful time, do you react differently. Even selfishly, out of our own fear of missing them and being lonely, we feel miserable. We cry and maybe even try to talk them into canceling the trip, “you can’t go I will miss you to much”.

Through our own selfishness we want to deny them the trip the joy, the happiness that would come with it. They are leaving anyway, but we have turned what could have been a joyous farewell into a time of personal sorrow for ourselves.

I used these thoughts on the passing of my dearly loved mother. I wished her joy and happiness until we meet again. Did that remove all the sadness no, but it definately helped. With her passing my mother went on a wonderful voyage and I do miss her but I know I will be seeing her again

8 Responses to Dying Mans Journal No Pity for the Dying

  1. Gayla says:

    HI Bill,

    First, I want to thank you for visiting my blog. I’m curious – how did you find me?

    You didn’t leave your blog url, but I googled the title and it was the first one to come up. So here I am! 🙂

    I’ve spent quite a bit of time, this morning, reading your blog from the beginning. Actually, I have a lot of thoughts swirling around in my head as to things I’d like to say. Right now, I’m pressed for time, but will be back later to either comment or e-mail.

    It is obvious that journaling your journey is very beneficial to you. Your writing is raw and transparent. It has been a good read for me.

    I will see you later on~

  2. Fr. Antonio says:

    Beautiful post. I ask you to pray for me.

  3. karenbp says:

    I love your analogy of death as a voyage. It gives the imagination room to hope and breathe. A friend of mine lost her mother to cancer some years ago and I remember talking about how we are born into this world from another and maybe our passing is like another birthing. It’s an amazing feat for a baby to negotiate the birth canal! It’s an amazing feat to face the sadness too.

  4. hudds53 says:

    Fr. Antonio,
    I am humbled at your words. I am just an average man, trying in my own small way to possibly help others in my position or the families of others in my condition. I can not tell you how much your words and encouragement mean to me. I thank you and all others for including me in their prayers. I can feel them making a difference in my heart and in my soul. I thank you.
    You are always included in my prayers with all others, but I can’t imagine mine have as much effect as yours.
    Thank you

  5. hudds53 says:

    Dear Karenbp
    I really liked it the way you speak of our being born into this world from another and that passing may be like another bith process. I agree, well said thank you

  6. hudds53 says:

    Dear Gayla
    Thank you for the visit to my site and the encouraging words. I hope you do return and leave many comments. You are very correct in saying this writing has been very good for me. Putting my thought in writing somehow clarifies or solidifies them a little more in my own mind. The comments are all so encouraging and welcomed
    Thank you

  7. hudds53 says:

    Dear Mrs. Nicklebee, thank you for the kind thoughts, I have visited your site. You thoughts and comments on dying are inspirational. Thank you

  8. Thanks, Bill. That means a lot to me. 🙂

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