Dying Man’s Journal – Talking to the dying

I am amazed at the number of people that seem to be reading my ramblings and so appreciative of the comments left and the emails I have received. Thank you everyone. One in particular touched me in it thanked me for help in, talking to the dying. Originally when I started this journal my sole purpose to help other people, even if I helped just one other person somewhere in the world it was worth it. I have realized my life has been touched by and helped by so many wonderful people, more than I could ever hope to thank. I felt I needed to at least try and do something to pass on that help and kindness, return it to the universe. But how could I just an ordinary guy hope to really to anything to help any others in a meaningful way.

I came up with the idea of this journal, I didn’t know anything about blogging or even journaling for that matter, and really still don’t. I don’t even know what I am going to say until I sit down at the computer. I say a little prayer for guidance and the words to type that may help even one person. I then just type what ever comes. I realize I could spend more time organizing my thoughts and even sometimes the way I form the sentences. I don’t want to do that, this is the way it came from my heart. OK, I have started using the spell checker but never reorganizing thoughts or sentences.

I had an idea for blogging originally, but what could I talk about that could possible help or affect others. I am dying, a fact, so I spend more time than most reading on death, life after death etc.. The more I read the more I realized people in general have fear not only of dying but generally even a fear or dread about being around those that are dying.That I find is so sad for everyone involved. But even more so for those family and friends that avoid the dying out of fear dread or what ever reason.

Now I can only speak for myself, I am not a doctor or have any kind or training, I can only draw on my own experience, in that I am dying. I can only speak for myself and my feeling, and I do realize everyone is different. But are we really that much different when it come down to something like dying, we are all going to do at one time or another.

Something, totally unexpected has happened somewhere along the line. I find I am benefiting so much from this. My “lofty” goal of helping others has also turned into a self help project. Many of my own thoughts have been clarified or even new thoughts have come as I journal. The base of my belief is unchanged, we do not need to fear death nor the dying. Death is a natural part of the cycle of life.

My advise, do everything you can to delay death, proper health care and medical attention etc.. But, when you know it is going to come knocking on your door, you don’t have to be afraid to open that door. For friends and family spend time with your loved one. Don’t be afraid, there is nothing you can do or say that is “wrong”. The only thing that could be wrong and sad would be avoiding them, sad for you both.

I know at times some of my family is still worried about saying the “wrong” thing. I say to them chill out, relax. I don’t want to spend my last days with people avoiding me or tippy toeing around me afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing. Relax, lets enjoy our time together. If you have thoughts or questions ask me, just as you always would have about anything else. Lets not be afraid.

Thought, just came I tell my family to ask questions if they have any. If anyone reading this journal has questions about my experience, also please feel free to ask. I will do my best to answer, just remember my answers are based soley on my personal experiences.

2 Responses to Dying Man’s Journal – Talking to the dying

  1. When someone dear to me was dying, she was heartbroken that so many of her friends didn’t come to see her. I told her that my only guess was that her illness had a big impact on them but they were afraid they’d say the wrong thing or worse, CRY in front of her and upset her. She never really responded to that. Not out loud anyway. I never knew what the right answer was in her situation.

    Suppose a good friend knows you’re dying, and you know they know you’re dying, but they never come to visit and they don’t call. If somehow you were able to know for a fact that they were avoiding contacting you because they were afraid to cry in front of you or say the wrong thing, what would be your response to this person?

    I would think it would be at least a little bit easier for you than the person I knew because you talk about it quite a bit already. She held onto the hope that she wouldn’t die; no one got to talk to her about her death with her. Most people who knew her and cared about her never really got to say good-bye until the cancer had ravaged her body and she was on such strong painkillers that we didn’t know if she could comprehend what we were saying or not.

  2. hudds53 says:

    Mrs. Nicklebee, what you have written here is so close to my heart. My posting today, I hope expresses my feelings on this and answers your question. All is how I feel.

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